Ok im a 21 year old gay guy and I have a bit of a problem. When i was at school i fell for this guy big time , we flirted back and forth and he told me that he had feelings for guys . It was cool then cos he left to go to college , when he got back we all went out and he then told me he was bisexual . This is when i started thinking about him a lot . He asked for my phone number and stuff and we stared talking a lot. I told him i liked him and he didnt respond . After this he contacted me to say he had a boyfriend . I told him im happy for him , and also said i cant talk to him about it cos i still really like him . But he keeps doing it and i dont want to be a bad person cause im the only one who knows hes bi. I really need help with this cos its screwing me up
2006-09-06 03:18:47 · 17 answers · asked by alex 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Admittedly, the end result is that you're going to have to move on. There's no sense waiting around for him because if he was really interested his intentions would've been clear and he instead he's playing games and leaving you in this state.
Now I admit, it's easier to say to move on than to do so. It's difficult and being in the state you're in is not something any of us would want to be in. Even though we've all been there. It takes time and eventually you get out of it even though you just want to be over it now.
If you want to be friends with the guy, fine. But you have to make your intentions clear if you want to have any continued contact with him. In the sense that, if he's got a boyfriend then he's off limits unless somethign changes. Otherwise it would be best to let things go. If you don't want to respond to his calls fine, but I think making yourself clear as to why you won't talk to him anymore. It's difficult to do this but one ends up better for it in the long run.
Good Luck on this.
2006-09-06 06:32:44 · answer #1 · answered by tryoutcle 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with the others who say that he's messing with you. I wonder though if it's because he's not out, which implies that he's not fully comfortable with being bi yet.
You need some space to get over him, just some time when you don't hear from him or see him. You also need a bit of control. So decide what level of contact you're happiest with for now and ask him to keep to that. Then when you're ready and when (and if) you choose to, you can spend more time with him.
In the meantime, my worst-case trick is to listen to some of my favourite music over and over again until that's stuck in my head -- be careful what you put in there though -- and instead of my thoughts wandering to H I M, I get a bit of good music. :-) Got me over a situation where the boy wouldn't stop the attention, wouldn't do anything about it AND I had to see him every day.
2006-09-06 03:52:32 · answer #2 · answered by The angels have the phone box. 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very simple. Since you know there is absolutely no way the two of you will be together (You do know that, don't you?) The very next time he calls, ask him to lose your number and not call again; and if you have caller ID, never take another call from him even if he does keep calling. Delete his voicemails without listening to them and don't contact him for ANY reason.
Eventually he'll get tired of playing this little game with you, and you'll be able to get on with your life and find someone who is actually emotionally available to you.
2006-09-06 04:59:00 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i couldnt understand the q at 1st. So lets look.
Ur gay
Hes bi
Hes got a bf
Now the rest dont understand. But i can say hes taken. U should find urself sum1. No1 wants 2 be lonely. Dont be naive. Ur 21 an falling 4 sum1 who obviously (a. doesnt wanna be with u or b. is in love with his bf) which i think is a. since its only college. Dont let him get 2 u! (i know this is said or gonna be said, but trust me i know from personal exp). Take time and move on. I wish u luck. Ur gonna be in my thoughts.
2006-09-06 03:34:31 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just my opinion but the guy really likes you back. If he has a boyfriend, then he is afraid to get to close and have his boyfriend find out. Yet at the same time whats to stay close to you because he does like you.
If he doesn't have a boyfriend, then he is confused about who he really is, and the feelings he really has for you. Afraid to admit to them completely.
Either way I see it that he likes you and wants to keep you close. However in doing so he is playing with your emotions. He's not doing this to hurt you or intentionally, Just he has some confusion, mixed up emotions and probably like you doing the best he can to sort them all out.
My suggestion to you. Try to be his friend. You can still care for him, and who knows what the future may hold in store. However, don't sit around and wait for it to happen. Get out there and find a date. Who knows if he thinks you might find another, he may speak up. Good Luck
2006-09-06 03:40:06 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think you need to realize the fact that he's with another person and focus that energy on something else. If you keep obessing over this guy, you're gonna make yourself crazy. Go out with friends, engage yourself in productive activities to avoid thinking about him so much. Time will heal, and you don't necessarily have to stop contact with him, just don't obsess over him. If that doesn't seem to work, then break all contact with him until you're over him--but tell him before you do.
2006-09-06 04:04:45 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
He is jerking you around. Maybe not intentially but he is still doing just that. You need to forget him and find someone else. The world is an awfully big place and there are lots of guys out there.
2006-09-06 03:30:33 · answer #7 · answered by ♂ Randy W. ♂ 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Take some time off him
Get away for a weekend, charge your batteries, relax and then talk to him about your feelings (again) and make him understand that it's not easy for you to be his friend at the moment althought you would want to if thinks were different.
I believe that he will understand.
If that doesn't work contact me.
2006-09-06 04:07:51 · answer #8 · answered by The Greek Guy 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Exactly - SPACE. Put some distance between you, find others to hang out with and before you know it you'll have a new interest and will have forgotten all about your crush.
2006-09-06 04:08:19 · answer #9 · answered by Jylsamynne 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like he has someone already. Best bet is to try to find someone else who will not play with you like he has
2006-09-06 04:31:30 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋