my mom and dad divorced 6 years ago.. my dad was having an affair for a while with this woman before he left my mom. i am an adult so i hate to call this woman my step mom but i guess i have to, any way.. she completly brain washed my dad to the point he does not want to see any of his family! when they first got together i tried to accept her as best as i could and one day she completly snapped and she called me and said terrible things to me, left awful messages on my answering machine, said terrible things to my grandmother to her face.. really terrible things.. all dad did was defend her. together they lie, steal, and i guess drink.. he looks horrible like he aged 40 years and he was such a loveable person and would do any thing for his family.. until he met the witch. i just do not get why or how he could make such a change. i can not even have a conversation with him cause i end up just cring. i can not waste my energy on it cause i have to be there for my kids..
2006-09-06 03:14:05 · 14 answers · asked by crystal s 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I think you answered your own question. You are an adult and you have other responsibilities ... "i can not wast my energy on it cause i have to be there for my kids."
It sucks, granted, but your dad is an adult and even if he is not acting like one (imo) you have to let him make his own decisions.
You do NOT have to call her your stepmother, though. I know plenty of people who refer to their parent's new spouse as "my dad's wife" or "my mom's husband." It's pretty obvious she doesn't want to have any kind of relationship with your dad's family, so your kids should not have to call her their grandmother, either.
Before you let it go, though, you should have a conversation with your dad that goes something like, "Dad, I love you, and I always will. You have made your decision when it comes to _______, and I respect your decision like an adult. HOWEVER, as an adult myself, I cannot allow her to poison my family. I am done trying to force you to be involved with me and my children. You are the one missing out on your grandchildren's life and I guess if you can live with that, so can I. I am just a phone call away when you are ready to act like a father and a grandfather."
Of course, you don't have to call him and tell him this, since you are just going to, like you said, wind up crying and burning up a great deal of emotional energy. Send him a card, letter, or email and just leave it at that. Don't expect a response from him, either. That will just cause you more stress and it doesn't sound like you need anymore from him.
2006-09-06 03:23:05 · answer #1 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand somewhat...my dad met(later married) a woman I only met twice before he literally packed up and moved to 6 states away. I also have 3 children with no grandfather now..I suspect drugs. That's hard to swallow since my dad was a balto city police officer when i was growing up. He was very strict..that i thank him for but I can come to no other conclusion for this erratic behavior from someone I was so close to until..the dreaded mystery woman. Its been 6 yrs since I've seen/spoken to him I check the obituaries every now and then and the Internet for his address hes still kickin doin whatever hes doing but hes not a part of my family by his own doings--its a sad thing he was a good dad and was looking forward to him teaching my kids things we did together..so much for family ties in America
2006-09-06 03:22:46 · answer #2 · answered by Michelle 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Pumpkin,if your mom is a witch,go ahead and be the devil's daugther.If i were you,i'll pay afew guys to rape her.You should save your dad too.And to do that,you'll have to break his heart abit but maybe that would like break the witch's spell.All you gotta do is get her into a pub.Pay somebody to seduce her and then sleep with her in a hotel maybe.Since you described her to be such a slut,i'm sure this won't be difficult.Make sure the guy is young.Have their 'hotel thingy' on tape and show it to your dad.He would distrust her,became fragile from the heartbreak and this is when you come in!Play the role of a good daughter and drag him to the right path.
2006-09-06 03:27:48 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
One thing first, Your father is responsible for his choices. You cannOT do any thing about the mate he has chosen other than ot ignore her.. My father-in law mad the same bad choice and it broke the whole family apart. He could not even see his grandchildren at Christmas because of the woman he chose as his second wife.
It hurts like Hell.. this is know. My wife at that time was devastated by h er father's poor choice.
There is nothing you can really do about how the two of them are living until they seek help the change how they are living.
Seek some personal counseling about the matter. it will help you some. Good luck and sorry to hear of your problem.
2006-09-06 03:21:13 · answer #4 · answered by apostle1938 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Push her in the oven like Hansel and Gretel did. Seriously if you decide to cut her out of your life I wouldn't blame you. Maybe you try and get your dad to spend some time with you without her being there. Dont make any mention of the stepmother just say that you want some quality time with him.
2006-09-06 03:20:12 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stephanie, rule variety one: administration your temper and don't bodily attack human beings. it could purely get you in hardship. rule variety 2: do no longer go decrease back on your dad's abode. you do no longer could desire to be around that drama. rule variety 3: focus on your loved ones--your mom and your brother. if your dad made the choice to stay with this female, then he has to stay with the implications. you do no longer. Act like an grownup, and be sort on your mom and brother. they are your blood relatives. if your dad desires to ascertain you and your brother, he can meet you in a independent ploace (like a eating place or something). merely stay far off from the stepmother. once you react as you probably did by slapping her, it placed you down on her point. you do no longer could desire to try this. enable her be the "loopy" one.
2016-09-30 09:45:42 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry for your situation, but you are right, your kids come first. It is hard to make them number one if you are having to deal with other family drama. Draw a line and keep your kids away from that mess.
Good luck
2006-09-06 03:20:04 · answer #7 · answered by reevesfarm 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give it a rest. If your father wishes to talk to you he knows where to find you. This lady is his choice. He is the one living with her, not you. he is entitled to live the life of his choice. Just because it is very different doesn't mean it is not of his choice. Get on with your own life.
2006-09-06 03:19:34 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I second Pure Star. I would have taken more words to say the same thing.
2006-09-06 03:21:18 · answer #9 · answered by georgia b 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just let the situation be---stop calling---stop going over there---u are an adult now.....just leave him alone---if he wants to come around that is his choice---u are better off without him right now---however, the situation may change later...and no you are not required to call her stepmom---call her by her first name
2006-09-06 03:17:44 · answer #10 · answered by sunbun 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋