A really close friend of mine recently had an abortion, which I am against. I tried to talk her out of it, but it was no use, she was convinced that it was the right thing for her, so she went through with the procedure. Now, she is really upset, and regrets her decision, like I had tried to tell her she would. I agree that she should feel this way, because I don't believe in abortion. But she is my best friend, and I know that that also stands for something, and I want to be there for her and help her through this in hopes that she has learned a valuable lesson about the value of life. Does anyone have any suggestions on what I can say or do to be there for my friend, even though I disagree with what she did?
2006-09-06 03:07:43 · 22 answers · asked by *~HoNeYBeE~* 5 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
The best thing you can do by being her best friend is to help her heal, whether you agree with her decision or not.
See if she's interested in talking to a post-abortion counselor, and offer to go with her for support. Project Rachel is a free post-abortion counseling service that will help her work through the guilt she is feeling. Here is a link: http://www.hopeafterabortion.com/hope.cfm?sel=B2AK
Good luck.
2006-09-06 03:42:35 · answer #1 · answered by HoosierMommy06 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i am against abortions too, but not everyone is, and the decision she made was exactly that, her decision. As her friend the only thing you can do is be there for her listen to what she has to say (even if you don't agree) it may be hard but sometimes you have to leave your personal feelings out of it. just let her know that even though you disagree with the decision she made you are still her best friend and you will stand by her 100%. you are right i am sure she has learned a valuable lesson, but sometimes we all need to learn the hard way. it's not your fault and there was nothing you could have done, it sounds like her mind was already made up. just give her the advice that you would want if you had made a decision like that. that is a tough situation and i feel bad that you have to go through it, but remember you should never let personal values get in the way of your friendship. good luck with this and i hope everything works out the way it is suppose to.
hang in there.
2006-09-06 03:27:04 · answer #2 · answered by puppy love 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Like others have said, saying "I told you so" is not what a true best friend will do. She knows what was said. Leave it at that.
As for her life decision, sometimes even the right decisions are hard and we can regret certain aspects of our decision.
I think you are the LAST person that she should talk to about this because you are biased. She needs to talk to a counselor who can be unbiased and help her work through her feelings and her decisions. You are not armed with the right amount of knowledge, compassion, and open mindedness, no matter how much you would like to help your friend.
Perhaps an abortion was the right thing for her in that specific situation and at that specific point in time. Even those who have had an abortion and do not regret it can sometimes wonder, "what if??"
You say you are her best friend, but that doesn't mean you know the whole story. I have a handful of wonderful friends that I have not confided in when it comes to certain things in life. And something like this is VERY personal. It's hard to share the whole story with people you know.
The BEST thing you can do for her is urge her to seek counseling from an unbiased counselor. Don't send her to a Pro-Life organization or a Priest who will tell her she was wrong. That will only compound the problem and make her feel worse. You don't want to drive her into a deep depression or suicide. If she won't seek help, suggest she write down every feeling she has. Allow herself to cry, scream, or whatever she needs to get it out. Reading it over will help bring out the emotions that she may be bottling up. When she is finally ready to move on with the rest of her life, she can burn it, shred it, tear it up to symbolize the end of that horrible chapter of her life.
As for YOUR role after suggesting counseling... it is imperative that you take her mind OFF of that part of her life. It can't be changed. Don't make her dwell on it. Take her to the mall to buy some new stylish clothes that make her feel good, go to a good movie (COMEDY), go out dancing in the new outfits you bought at the mall, things like that. Doing things that make us feel good is one of the best ways to move forward, even if it is really hard at first.
2006-09-06 04:22:30 · answer #3 · answered by Proud Momma 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, the only thing you can do is just be there for her. Let her cry, or tell you how she feels, and make sure you don't say, "I told you so!" That's the worst thing you can do for her right now. I know it's tough putting your ego aside, but she knows you were right, and there's no need to rub it in her face, or even remind her.
If she does get pregnant again and wants to have another abortion, that's when you should gently remind her how much she went through with this one and that yes, you were right about how she would feel. Tell her maybe she should trust you.
Remember, if she wasn't financially or physically ready to take care of a child, that also factored into her decision. If she had gone through with the pregnancy and, say, given it up for adoption, it would have even been more painful for her to let go after 9 months of bonding with the baby inside her.
She's in pain right now, and like I said, you just need to be her shoulder to cry on. As long as you're there to support her and let her talk to you, that's all you can really do to help.
2006-09-06 03:16:10 · answer #4 · answered by Angela 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You have to put your opinion on the back burner and just be there to listen nd comfort. Don't throw it her face with I told you so. That isn't helping her it is only making it worse. Between 4 of my cousins and 2 of my friends they have had 14 abortions with one pregnancy being twins.I am pro choice. I knew it wasn't my place to tell them want I thought about their decisions. It is their life, their body, their choice. Just as I would want to be able to make my own choice. Which I would never have a abortion done unless my life depended on it. But I still would be there as a shoulder for them to cry on and to tell them they were going to get through it even when I miscarried with my second child. Your opinion isn't important at a time like this. She already knows how you feel just leave it at that and try lifting her up instead of tear her down. Nothing you say will change what has happened you can only move forward...Good Luck
2006-09-06 03:25:42 · answer #5 · answered by Jade 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my sister had a abortion recently and I'm strongly against it and had recently lost one of my daughters i was really upset with her and she also regrets her decision and says if she says if she gets pregnant again she will not have a abortion i just try to be supportive of her you cant change the things we do in the the past all we can to is take it as a valuable lesson to help us get on in the fut er and even though yo don't be live in abortion you have to try to but your beliefs to the side and be there for a friend that truly needs you as hard as it may be.
2006-09-06 05:36:07 · answer #6 · answered by sar sar 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You must be impartial becuase the last thing your best friend needs is a lecture right now. Even though you completely disagree with her decision you need to be there to support her.
What if you were dating a guy that she hated? What if she felt like he was not good to you and he abused you? And then one day he hit you and you didn't know what to do? Would you want your best friend to give you a lecture about how "she told you so?" Definitely not. You would want her to be there for you even though she knew you were making a mistake.
As a best friend you must stand by her emotionally. This defininately does not mean you support her DECISION, it just means that you support her as a friend. She needs you right now, so don't let her down by letting your personal opinions get in the way.
You're a good friend for being there for her!!!
2006-09-06 03:45:10 · answer #7 · answered by PT&L 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In my opinion, I do NOT agree with abortion either. What I would do, is tell her how you feel about what she has done, and tell her how bad it made you feel, and you don't like seeing her like this. Then let her open up to you, and tell you how she feels about the situation. Give her some time, and if she cannot seem to get over it, suggest mental help. And if it does not get better after that, then you don't need to be reminded of her mistake everyday, and she should not bring you down. If you are around negative people, then it will break you eventually. She should have listened to you, and that is something she has to deal with, you can at least help to some extent. Good luck to you!
2006-09-06 04:00:59 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Unfortunetly, the grieving process requires time and her coming to terms on her own. Of course you can offer that she can talk to you and get tears out, but don't give any told-you-so responses. Do keep an eye on her though, as many emotions she's feeling, she may become very depressed and need more help than a friend can offer.
2006-09-06 03:19:14 · answer #9 · answered by erythisis 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's a tough call.
Your friend used a medical procedure as a method of birth control and now she can't live with the choice she made.
Sometimes, you need to think about what's best for YOU, and not your friend.
If her killing her child bothers you, then you shouldn't associate with her any more. You've already seen that she's loose with her body, and no doubt will end up pregnant again. Will she kill this next one too, or will she accept the consequences of her actions?
Tell her you need some time to think the whole situation over. Decide in your heart if you can forgive a best friend who doesn't know how to keep her legs together to avoid producing unwanted children, then wants everyone to feel sorry for her and her slutty actions.
Personally, I think you can do better for a 'best friend'.
2006-09-06 03:13:10 · answer #10 · answered by thatwench 5 · 0⤊ 3⤋