I suspect that i am pregnant and am still a teen.My parents will kill me and i don't want to disappoint them at the same time.I am doing my first year in varsity.Today i will go and test and if it is positive i have to think long and hard about what i will do.I do not want to kill my baby should i be pregnant, but at the same time there's a lot of things i have to face up.I am the second born and my older sister is very serious about life, whilst i am the kind of person who believes a person should enjoy life no matter what, in order to think straight and not cloud your brain with stress.
My boyfriend is 15 yrs older than me and i really love this guy.My concern is that if my family finds out, what will they think of me and the baby.Will they think i was after his cash(which he didn't have when we met),his car(which he also did not have) or any other bad connotations which they will link with our relationship.I have to make the right decision, please help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2006-09-06 00:16:34 · 31 answers · asked by lillypetal 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
Sweetheart, you are on the right track. Keeping the baby is the right thing to do. It will be hard and possibly humiliating but you can get support from many places. If you think you cannot take care of the baby there is always the adoption process. So many good people want to adopt. You can have the baby and give it to a wonderful, loving family and then go on with your life.
Abortion may seem like an easy way out but it will only hurt YOU in the end. I have not had an abortion but I know many women who have and they ALL regret it, deeply.
Contact your local crisis pregnancy center and get some help. They can help you tell your family and be a great encouragement to you.
This is not about your boyfriend. This is about you and the precious life you are carrying inside you. Choose life, you will never regret it.
May God give you strength and grace to deal with this. You will be in my prayers. Please feel free to email me if you want more support.
2006-09-06 00:23:22 · answer #1 · answered by Tatochka 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
The first thing is to find out if you are pregnant or not.
Then once you have a yes or no, then you need to start thinking long and hard.
If you are a No, then it is time you think twice about having sex right now. A lot of things are against you two and having a baby is not the best idea. However, if you do continue to have sex, be protected with birth control and condoms.
Also don't have sex until you have an answer to your questions.
A teen dating someone who is in their late 20's, early 30's is extremly un appealing and questionable. An adult who dates someone that young is not a healthy thing. Any professional will agree. But, your life and do as wish.
But you are responsible for your own life and mistakes. You are right, you have to make the right decision.
They are not worried about the car or money. They are worried about their daughter shacking up with somoneone 15 years older/adult, messing up her life when she has some good things going for her. That is their concern.
The next concern is how will he afford and pay for this child and yourself.
The next concern is his personality and his behavior.
Maybe you might not see it but, your family can find flaws that really do matter.
I thought I was in love for 3 years and litterly was disowning my own mother. Now I realized how niave and ignorant I was to pick this lying, cheating, jerk who has a lot of emotional and sexual tendancy unhealthy problems that has left a major scar on me emotionally and physically.
Sometimes "love" gets in the way of reality. Make sure you keep that brain and eyes unclouded.
2006-09-06 10:36:11 · answer #2 · answered by Mutchkin 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You had options before getting pregnant and for some reason you either a) didn't use them or b) they failed on you. You also have options after, such as adoption.
With all honesty, from reading your post. You sound like a really sweet loving girl that made a mistake. If I were your parent, I'd probably be mad at first, but overall, I wouldn't give up on family. Hopefully this is how your parents will be. I mean, you've known them for almost 2 decades, so I think you will be able to make an educated guess about how they'll react. And even if it isn't favorable, do they matter more than yourself and your child? That's for you to decide.
Also, you sound like you'll probably regret giving up the baby. I think your best bet is to face your family, and you'll feel better for taking responsibility. If you lose this child, you could regret it for the rest of your life. Think of the minor inconvinience it'll be with your parents compared to all the joys you'll recieve.
Sometimes we just need to learn to play with the cards we're dealt with, not toss them out and give up in the game.
2006-09-06 02:18:45 · answer #3 · answered by Alucard 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, and you won't like this, but any guy that is almost 30 years old (or over 30) and dating a teenager has got something wrong somewhere. Any guy that is dating a teenager and gets her pregnant has REALLY got something wrong somewhere. He is obviously extremely irresponsible to have done this and he can't be very mature to be dating someone this much younger than him. I have a feeling that once he finds out you're pregnant, he will be singing a different tune about you and your relationship with him. Older guys date teenagers for a reason. I'm sorry that you got mixed up in all this. I really am. You are about to learn some very hard lessons. My advice is to tell your parents. They can help you. If you want to be mature, you need to face up to what you have done. You're a smart girl. You know what causes pregnancy. You did it anyway and now you have to face whatever the consequences are. I have a feeling that your parents would be more disappointed to find out you got pregnant irresponsibly by a grown man almost old enough to be your father and then killed their grandchild because you were just a scared kid after all. Adult games have adult consequences. If you play, you have to accept the risks. I got pregnant at 15 and I was worried but I didn't chicken out. Now my oldest daughter is almost 10. I didn't have an abortion because I felt that my child didn't deserve to be punished for my actions. I could have prevented that pregnancy and you could have, too. I wish you luck and if you'd like to talk more, you can email me.
2006-09-06 00:29:38 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
When you go today to find out, If the test comes back positive then you need to sit your parents down and tell them that you don't believe In killing the life that you and your b/f has made, that this child Is apart of them and you, this Is their grandchild and they need to be their for you and their grandchild, It won't be easy, but you are a woman now and It's time to quite thinking like a child, they will find out sooner or later and It would be better to tell them personally then for them to find out from someone else. If you really love your b/f and he really loves you then you both need to think about what you are both going to do, baby's are not cheap and they take alot of love, patience's, and alot of other stuff. I wish the best for you and If the Lord gives you this precious gift then your duty Is to be a women and take care of your self and the baby, but If your not pregnant then you and your b/f need to use birth-control and wait till you have finished school and have a stable relationship with each other and a stable home. GoOd LuCk and I wish you and your b/f the best.
2006-09-06 04:19:33 · answer #5 · answered by twofroggiesand1princess 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, first of all, it sounds like you got used.. When I was around 14, this guy that was 28 wanted to go out with me, and my mother found out.. she made me look at things in a new perspective.. she made me realize that it was just plain weird.. what did the guy want with a kid?? She made me realize that he just wanted to take advantage of me..
Second, your parents are not going to kill you, they will be very disappointed in you, and they will definetely let you know it.. you can expect some rough times ahead.. but the truth of the matter is that it will all pass.. all young mothers have to go through the same.. and I don't know your parents, but if they ever try to push you into getting married, I wouldn't.. unless you want to end up getting a divorce..
Now, about aborting, this is a little piece of you, a miracle.. you can imagine that your life will continue as if nothing happened, but that's not true.. it did happen, and you will deal with more remorse and sadness than if you tell your parents and they scold you.. it will remain in your concience for the longest time.. so abortion is no question..
The problem is if you decide to keep it, or give it up for adoption.. that is another choice.. yes, you will go through a rough time, but you will be giving your baby a better life with loving parents, you will be providing the parents with the miracle they've been waiting for..
So anyway.. to sum things up.. don't abort because you're scared of your parents.. at the end, they will probably find out one day... and they are your parents, no matter what happens they love you more than you love them.. so the time will pass, just consider it all dealing with consecuences..
Good luck!!
2006-09-06 00:35:41 · answer #6 · answered by verito 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Okay, think of it this way! do you love this man? if you did you would wana keep his baby! Love is a very strange thing! I have plenty of girlfriends that have had an abortion, and I have seen the after affects. Let me tell you it isnt pretty. My sis has 2baby girls and they are the best thing that happened to her. See in this situation my parents didnt support her, but she had me to support her. So you say your sister is all about life, maybe she needs a reality check. Things like this happen to people, i have been worried about being pregnant how many times already, but it wasnt my chance yet! Girl if you really love this man and he really loves you, you guys are match made in heaven no matter what the age difference! If you are pregnant i would keep the baby, you are bringing another life into the world. Dont take a innocent child! your life will change, but now your going to have to turn to your parents no matter what. Like i said if you do really love this guy then do what it takes to be with him and your baby!
2006-09-06 00:33:32 · answer #7 · answered by country_cowgirl2006 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry to hear, you are in such a difficult situation. I am curious as to what you want and wish for. Ten years from now - will it matter what other people thought of your pregnancy? What will matter is the decision you made, and how you've managed to live with it.
I think you should find someone who knows and cares for you and discuss your options with this person. How about your parents or your sister? Yes, they probably will be sad or disappointed with you; but they also (should) love you and be prepared to forgive you, no matter what you do.
It is a terrible thing to feel pressured to give up on a pregnancy, one really wants. As it is a terrible thing to have a baby, one isn't prepared to love and care for. It is paramount for a child to feel loved, welcome and secure. If you are not absolutely positive, you can provide this for a baby, it is OK to have an abortion. The choice is yours and yours alone, but I'd advice you to talk it over with someone, you trust to have your best interest in mind.
Best of luck to you.
2006-09-06 00:32:14 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't know what to address first...were you trying to get pregnant? Birth control, when used properly works very well, not to mention, with a boyfriend 15 years older than yourself, what about std's? Please get tested for those as well. If you are pregnant, wow, will you have to deal with some stress. Don't worry so much about what other people think, ultimately it's your decision, but it doesn't sound like you are mature enough for this kind of responsibility yet, and I'd be willing to bet when you tell the boyfriend, he'll split.
2006-09-06 00:28:13 · answer #9 · answered by Laurie K 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Be prepared for your parents to press charges! BC if your under age this guy has to be atleats 30 yrs old! and well he has no business with a teen. You probably weren't after his money but he was probably after something else and I'm not trying to be a B* but in reality what can a 30 y.o man possibly have in common with a teen? You cant go into clubs with him you cant go to a restaurant? C'mon this guy probably looks like hes your father but to each is own right.?
Well your parents wont kill you and probably wont force you to do anything. Its up to you to decide what you want to do. If you can do adoption then so be it. If not have that baby and be prepared to do it on your own with help from your family. Be prepared to give up sports, and extra activities and might as well know its going to be difficult to go to college and finish. I know BC I'm a teen mom I had my daughter at 16-17 and my 2nd at 19. I'm now 23 and struggling!
2006-09-06 01:28:00 · answer #10 · answered by Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ Mom2two Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋