All ladies say nice guys are better, but as we know they finish last, what is it about the trait of a jerk that makes them desireable?
2006-09-05 23:15:10 · 24 answers · asked by omgitsamonster 1 in Social Science ➔ Sociology
I see and hear this question a lot. I used to draw the guys who asked it all the time. I've been dying to say this and you might think it's harsh:
Nothing makes the jerk MORE desirable, though there is something unusual I've noticed that the nice guys do to ruin things for themselves. They whine all the time and are not as considerate of their girl's feelings as they claim to think they are.
The "jerks" don't whine about themselves very much. They assume everything is fine (with themselves.)
A lot of nice guys also say things that could sound narcissistic or uncaring when that's not how they mean it. They're seriously worried, but they can come off sooooo uncaring about their dates.
Nice guys--especially the self-proclaimed--spend a lot of time talking about how this or that person did them wrong and wonder aloud very often what might be wrong with themselves...even if they're on a date with someone they claim to--and everyone else seems to--find desirable! There is a time and a place for honest discussion of one's perceived flaws and mistakes...and it's not 24/7/365 unfortunately.
Example:
Nice Guy: (Sitting in driver's seat with Cute Girl in passenger seat.) I mean, I'm a NICE GUY. How come the nice girls never like me? Well, you're the first one actually, but something must be different about you...obviously. I give and give and give all the girls--not you!--take and take and take.... I thought Ana was a nice girl too, but she turned out to be a witch! Ooh, I'm still mad at her. We went out a couple years ago and she didn't even tell me she was through with me before moving on. Tried to get an answer from her, but she kept hiding from me, so I never found out. I think she must have become a wild girl or something coz she started dating a football player. Ooh! I hate that guy....
Cute Girl: (Genuinely concerned for his feelings.) I'm sorry. You ARE a nice guy.... You deserve better.
Three Hours Later!
Nice Guy: (Walking beside Cute Girl in shopping mall.) I wonder if people think I'm gay. I mean, I wonder if that's why other girls took advantage of me. (Turns to Cute Girl.) If we get married someday, our children would be beautiful. Smart too. (Joking--with hint of true desperation--caps his hands over her shoulders.) Please don't leave me. I like how our date has been going. You're so quiet.... You haven't told me much about yourself yet. You know, I'm usually a good listener. Except when I'm not. (Laughs, glares at the floor for a second.) The girls all take advantage of it and I never get to say anything! Never! I'm sorry. I keep talking over top of you....
Cute Girl: (Blushing, unconsciously looking for the exit.) We've been talking frankly with each other for about a week, spending a lot of time together. (Giggles uncomfortably.) I guess I just like letting you talk. You've had so much trouble with girls not letting you before....
Nice Guy: And you just want to be different than the others. You are, trust me. (Staring at her, but not "with" her.) I don't know why the guys didn't like you in high school. You're sweet. It helps that you're hot.... Now you can pick whoever you want, eh? And you picked a nice guy like me. So smart! I always liked you and wondered about you. You just didn't seem interested in guys though....
Cute Girl: (Not taking him seriously since "I don't know why...." Smiles, distances herself physically from his side, causing him to move in closer.) (Thinks she can be honest about herself too, since he is.) I thought I hated them all for how they treated me when I wouldn't just do what they wanted. You seemed different somehow. (Sighs.)
Nice Guy: Do you like my hair this way? I could do it like that actor guy who was asking you out while we were making a date.... Wait, I could do it like that one guy you used to like.... What was his name?
Cute Girl: I didn't like him, but I tried to be nice anyway. He was obsessed with me. I almost switched high schools coz of him. Sorry.
Nice Guy: Oh, that's right. One of the cheerleaders got mad at you for her basketball buddy trying to talk to you so she started that rumor. So do you like my clothes? Ana liked my clothes. So did Maria and Nat and Emma. Hehe, Emma liked taking them off and putting them back on when were done. You're still a virgin though. I LIKE that. I like that I'm only the second guy you've ever been out with too. You know, we need to stay together. I'm a nice guy and I'm tired of finishing last. I've been with SOOO many other girls. They all treat me like garbage and leave me for no good reason, go for those big hulking over-confident types. I hate girls. They're so stupid. They could have a nice guy but they pick the guy who's going to cheat on them or make them do things they don't want to yet.... Are you SURE won't drink with me tonight? All my girlfriends do. Anyway.... (Goes on with more personal insights.)
Cute Girl: (Thinks to herself.) Why is he dating me if he hates girls so much? Maybe he IS gay.
There is a lot more to be said, but this little slice should do. The "jerks" don't do this stuff, and if they do, it's only every once in a while. They tend to be more focused on their "goals" with the girl. If the nice guys wouldn't spend so much time trying to convince the girls of their niceness, they might land who they like more often. Not saying they can't talk about themselves; I encourage that! But just try to have fun and not talk SO MUCH about themselves all the time. No nice girl wants to be in the position of knowing she is constantly being compared to fifteen other girls!! And monitored for signs of "leaving." And will be called a witch or worse to all the people he knows if she does leave him and goes with someone else soon after.
If you know a nice guy who does anything like what I said in this answer, then it'd be great if you told him he could consider counseling or saving some sad things for when he knows the girl better. He could also write it all in a journal and then he'd have a running record of his thoughts.
To pour it all out on dates, all at once, all the time, is very overwhelming. Makes some girls who haven't dated much wonder if they should go directly to the opposite sort of guy.
2006-09-06 00:15:29 · answer #1 · answered by *babydoll* 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Jerks aren't desirable at all, IMO. It's just that society tells us they are more exciting so that we (heterosexual or bi women) won't pick the nice guys who we'll actually have a better time with. This keeps both sexes in their "place", with the majority of het or bi women fighting a constant battle between scoring with a guy who others see as "sexy" and "exciting" and actually getting quality experiences with the kind of man/men who genuinely want/s to help make us happy. Meanwhile, the majority of men are left feeling utterly lost and not knowing how they're "supposed" to behave.
And who ends up on top? The jerks, who (ironically) are actually in a minority but will do anything to make sure they rule the roost.
Don't believe the hype!
2006-09-06 02:33:00 · answer #2 · answered by CJ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I happen to like nice guys I had a jerk once wouldn't want to repeat that experience and I think jerks try harder to get a girl just so they can screw them up for the nice guys to come along and get **** on because of them if you have a girl in mind keep trying maybe you'll get to her before some jerk does....
Also I think nice guys always take no as no when sometimes no means try a little harder to prove you're really into me....you have to remember jerks come and go but nice guys are forever. I happen to have a nice guy and I don't intend on letting him go..
and then again there are those like my sister for example that are just into jerks....don't ask I can't even explain it.....
Anyhow good luck they say that you will one day run into your soulmate you may know it you may not just remember to keep your eye's open it's as quick as a blink.....
GOOD LUCK
2006-09-05 23:26:58 · answer #3 · answered by victoria_8_3_1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont agree with the view that a guy has to be a jerk to excite a woman.
I nice guy could be exciting and have a lot that the girl doesnt realise.
After she has been with a guy like that she might just not want to go with a jerk.
Also i think a guy can be a bit cheeky and a reluctant wag and i would not say this makes him a jerk.
(i think you have a good nickname)
2006-09-05 23:21:32 · answer #4 · answered by malcolmg 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The stress of it all can be a turn on for some people, a lot of people thrive on emotional turmoil. When you're obsessing over whether somebody wants you, you forget to ask whether you really want them. Someone who doesn't give a s**t is mistaken for someone confident, independent and out of your league. You feel lucky for all the moments they so generously give you. They play on your insecurity- they make you feel unwanted, so when they do want you, you feel overwhelmed with happiness and relieved that you'd gotten it wrong.
And a lot of girls fall under the spell of thinking they can change someone. If a jerk is nice some of the time, she'll only focus on that and convince herself she can save him.
It's all mind games, and it's not real. We all learn that in the end. Hang in there, nice guys.
2006-09-05 23:27:56 · answer #5 · answered by - 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Jerks just happen to be more fun than nice guys.
Get the jerks out of your system and then settle down with a nice guy.
2006-09-05 23:19:34 · answer #6 · answered by Mr Cheese 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Women will prefer "nice guys" (approx 2-3 weeks a month) to look after the kids - and prior to the start of menstruation, will try to have sex with total arseholes, who they see as being "dominant". This is natures way of passing on dominant genes. Mother nature is indeed a cruel mistress!
2006-09-05 23:23:10 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ive always gone for Jerks until recently bcoz it was "the bad boy image" that i was attracted too, now im with a nice guy and never been happier.
2006-09-05 23:18:55 · answer #8 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Thats a great question,im thinking of shaving my head and getting tattoos on my neck,seems to work well for the jerks in my town.
2006-09-05 23:18:50 · answer #9 · answered by Alfred E. Newman 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Jerks usually have a bad attitude and have a flashy car (which they have stolen) and treat women badly.
2006-09-05 23:22:29 · answer #10 · answered by dm_overton 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
good point dude !!!!!!!
seems being unfaithfull, beating women up, not caring, being unsensitive and unimaginative, not spontanious are thing that woman find most attractive.......
Shame realy us good guys could totaly satisfie the women of the world leaps and bounds more than the binge drinking grunting morons that get all the ladys.
Ahhhhhh well never mind..... Maybe we should turn gay *;)
2006-09-05 23:27:07 · answer #11 · answered by Jabba_da_hut_07 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋