My 41 year old husband left 4 weeks ago after 18 years of marriage to live in an apartment I am 53 (he lied to me about his age) and we have a daughter of 16. Nine months ago I discovered he was having an affair I was upset, but I didn't rant and rave. I made it clear I wanted to stay with him, but he said he felt stifled by the marriage was not the marrying type and needed to be by himself to sort out what he wanted in life. It was unfortunate I had found out about the affair because that meant nothing and was a mistake, but nevertheless, he needed some time apart. Throughtout the 8 months before he left, he changed his story constantly, also saying that if I hadn't found out about the affair he wouldn't have left, if I had kept quiet this wouldn't have happened. Since he left, he comes to the house every weekend, takes me out, we are going on holiday together, we sleep together but he blows hot and cold. Should I act cool towards him or let him know I miss him? Is he sick?
2006-09-05 22:47:31 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He told you his age… A lie!
When he failed to tell you about his affair… It was a lie!
He changed his story constantly… More lies!
What do you think you would be getting if you were still together?… LIES !!!
Do you want to base your life on his lies?
You mentioned that it was ‘unfortunate’ that you found out about the affair, because that meant nothing, and was a mistake.
What meant nothing? What was a mistake? Was he having an affair or wasn’t he???
Would the affair have continued if you hadn’t found out about it?
Do you think he would have told you that he was having it?
He said that if you hadn’t found out about the affair, he would not have left you.
Of course he wouldn’t have... He would have just kept on lying to you!!!
How many other affairs were there that you didn’t find out about?
Can you prove that there weren’t any?
Look… I can’t tell you how to live your life.
You know he has lied to you and cheated on you.
Chances are, he will do it again, and again, and again.
If you are happy to live like that, then go for it.
You’ll never know if you can trust him… Your self-respect will go down the drain...
If that is all you believe you deserve, then tell him you want him back, and let the lies and the cheating continue.
The choice is yours !!!
2006-09-05 22:55:00 · answer #1 · answered by I_C_Y_U_R 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have basically given this man his cake and he gets to eat it to. He has the best of both world, the single life to do whatever he wants .. and then he gets to still have the conviences of marriage.. Why? Don't put yourself out there like that .. you deserve so much more. If he wants to work through the relationship then 1. stop sleeping with him 2. stop being his wife and 3. both seek counseling separately and together as a couple. It will never change until you take steps because he is perfectly happy in his world - are you?
I really do understand that you have a soft spot for him.. that you miss him. That is normal but you can not play a victim when you are contributing to the situation. You really need to stop being so openly available to you because he isn't giving you the same courtesy. Right now, it should be a time for you to heal from all the pain he has caused you. In addition, its time for him to grow up some and take some responsibility.
Hugs from a Loving Mom to a Brillant, as well as beautiful 8 year old Jared and Our Angel, Zachary (taken to soon but who will always remain in our heart) ~ Mel
2006-09-05 22:54:20 · answer #2 · answered by jaredsmommy2004 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like your husband may be going through a time in his life that you might refer to as a "mid life crisis". It sounds like you have put many years into your relationship and it is hard just to walk away from it. Your daughter is still at home so unfortunately you can not totally break communication. I would get everything out in the open as far as what your husband truely wants from you, does he want to be married or does he want to be single? Let him know that he can't have his cake and eat it too. Unfortunately, the trust in your relationship is not as strong as it should be. I am sure that he loves you but maybe he is not in love with you anymore. As hard as it may be for both of you to admit, you may be holding onto something that may not be there anymore. As far as him wanting to "date" you, great! Maybe talk with him and have an understanding that if you are wanting to rekindle your relationship, take it slow. Make it happen on your terms, what you feel comfortable with. Hope this helps, good luck..
2006-09-05 23:14:46 · answer #3 · answered by mcbaby98284 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From what you say and your actions it sounds like you still want him. I am not sure if you want him full time or not. He has lied to you and even told you if you hadn't found out he wouldn't have left. I think he was saying if you hadn't said anything he could have stayed and had the other woman to. Sure sounds like it.
You know what he is and what he has done. What his age is has nothing to do with it. You need to decide what you want. Do you want to be part of the triangle or do you want to be on your own.
You are the only one that can answer your questions because they have to come from your heart. Not from us fools out here in Yahoo Answers land.
I am sure you will decide what you want.
2006-09-05 23:00:31 · answer #4 · answered by Mit 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't act, what makes you think he won't do the same thin again, the sad thing is that ,he will and will expect you to let him back in, that's no life for you, life is to short,he has a problem, he need to fix it and , you need to stop being a part time lover for him , one of those times he's going to come back ,with company
you know if you made it clear to him that you want him to stay, then you must be willing to take whatever he dish out
2006-09-05 22:56:41 · answer #5 · answered by elizabeth_davis28 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are now in a critical stage in life, i do not have age or experience to say anything, but onething, all of you should think about your child(girl)'s future, your problems should not affect your child mind. so please consult a psychologist for further steps, why should you act cool to give up your feelings, marriage between two people means they should be confidential to each other. all the best, do not worry for anything.
2006-09-05 22:54:43 · answer #6 · answered by Sky lark 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think he's controlling you by pretending all is fine, and still having his affair. Move along and put away your rose colored glasses.
2006-09-05 23:49:23 · answer #7 · answered by c_a_m_2u 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As Much as its gunna kill you, Play Hard to get, act as if he comes 2nd, tell him you have a date, i bet it works, he will get jealous!!! Good Luck!!! Kelly*
2006-09-05 23:00:58 · answer #8 · answered by kellylewis652000 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO, you are sick to even consider being loving to him.
2006-09-06 00:17:32 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have soft corner for him and he has all HARD things for you. Decide once for all.
2006-09-05 22:51:12 · answer #10 · answered by a j 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋