IM a mother of 2 sons .6yr old and almost 2 yr old .. me and my fiance have been together almost 2 in a half yrs and he has a 12 yr old son which i love as my own son but i have a problem, his mom left him about 6 yrs ago and never looked back on him or even called him, yes im upset with her and at the same i glad she isnt here with him cause she is a drugie and she drinks so much (i know this about her cause i used to talk with her as friends until i found all this out about her) but my problem is that he misbehaves alot this summer and i just keep handing him stuff like money and etc. ,, i have started this point chart and if he earns points for doing what he should than he gets money or whatever if you misbehaves than i take points away from him... is this a good thing to start with him or what would you all do ..........
2006-09-05 22:06:46 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
He's 12. It's no excuse I know but he's entering "that age" and it's not a reflection on you. I think the point system sounds like a very good idea ....... some people may say its bribing him but it is balanced out with reductions for negative behaviour .... Love it! However..... why don't you arrange a time for you both to sit down and talk about his behaviour .....ask him why and discuss solutions together. It would be important that no-one else interrupts this chat and also that you don't appear to be nagging him. But keep up the good work ..... you're doing fine x
2006-09-05 22:20:11 · answer #1 · answered by dragonwithpurplepants 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Point system sounds good. Keep it on a chart in the kitchen and add extra points for super behavior -- but don't just give him money, otherwise he will begin to regard you as a bank -- try X points for going to a special place he likes or any other special treat. Maybe reserve the money part for a weekly allowance that can be reduced or earned or added to. Good luck. Been there done that, but with a teenager. My eyes crossed!
2006-09-05 22:13:33 · answer #2 · answered by expatturk 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should never reward a child with money the chart is a good idea but you should offer something else as a reward like staying up an extra hour hour,kids feel so rejected when their mum leaves them so he must be really mixed up,try being his friend instead of replacing his mum he'll come round in the end with the right amount of support,love and discipline.Good luck!
2006-09-06 02:16:17 · answer #3 · answered by wayne b 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have 3 children of my own and 2 stepsons 14 and 16 ur 12 yeaqr old step son is at a very funny age he will be going through his emotions ready for teenageer years
the point system is very good but dont push him too nhard with it if he doesnt want to do it he will be up and down now with emotions untill about 16
just be there for him if he wants u and remember we were all that age once
2006-09-05 22:17:02 · answer #4 · answered by Sarah 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
answer no!! he is to old for that....do not keep handing him out money for this will then be expected at all times... you love this boy but it does sound like he is wearing you down... i am sorry to say this one is nothing to do with you... he needs his dad... he is turning into a teenager with one messed up out look on life, (he's seen drugs, his mum didn't want him, he's been dropped off on his dad and now is getting in they way of daddy's perfect life) how would you feel if you spent everyday thinking like this... he needs his dad to take him fishing or something like that and talk the past over discuss why they both think the mum went away and how much it hurts, let him know that you also dont mind if he comes and asks you any questions about his mum or about you and him just never say anything bad against her to him, the dad can in a kind caring way explain what she was like but not you... if possible ive him the good jobs to do around the house easy ones the later on have a swap about and reward him for being good, like playing with your son for half an hour whilst you cook dinner....it will be hard all teenagers are but this is a double wammy but with love, trust, caring and being true to him it will work out....by the way what about his mothers family try maybe to help him trace his grand parents that way it shows that you are there for him and you want to help him find answers to his questions and trust me he has lots and he blames him self for in someway hurting his mum so bad that she had to leave him... sorry one more thing you said his mum did drug and drink, if this is the case watch out that he does not follow in her footsteps for this is an easy road to take and it takes away the pain... good luck
2006-09-09 13:49:58 · answer #5 · answered by thenickistar 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have never given gifts or bribes to my kids for good behavior. My kids get an allowance because stuff cost money and I love them. They get to learn to save, budget for what they want, etc..
I expect them to behave because its the right thing to do.
I have 2 sons and begining near the pre-teen stage boys need the guidance and firm control of their father. As a "step mom"
you should back up your husbands guidelines for his son's behavior. This will help your stepson with the transition. Eventually he will grasp the idea that you love him like your own and you are just being a loving parent just like his friends have.
Hang in there! Remember most kids have that "hard to deal with stage".
2006-09-05 22:22:13 · answer #6 · answered by together420yrs 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You mentioned that you treat him as your own, Do just that, would you use this on your kids as they got older> and if not why do it to him. If his mother is out of the picture then do what you would your own. If you let him get away with out the same punishments you give your own children he may view it as a weakness and you may never be able to be there for him like you want to be.
2006-09-05 22:21:34 · answer #7 · answered by biznaz21 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think what your doing is a great idea, As he is at an age where we all start to think about who we are and worry about everything what you may also like to consider is asking your GP to refer him to a child Psychologist as he may want to talk to someone about his feelings towards his mum abandoning him without feeling he will be betraying her/his dad or you by speaking about her with you or your partner. This might help him, being a teenager is a hard enough time for most, without the added feelings of abandonment.
2006-09-06 11:33:45 · answer #8 · answered by junie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would make him do odd jobs around the house to earn the money. The bigger the job the more money like mowing grass taking out the trash things like that.
2006-09-05 22:20:17 · answer #9 · answered by Jay 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well do you get along with, does he like you, well ask him how he feels about u and his dad getting married, do u think that he mad cause she left him? mayb its bc he didnt have a mom and a dad figure im guessing. and ya thats good, better now than never. no matter what you are his mom, set boundaries, give him rules and guide lines, if he mis behaves ground him.
2006-09-05 22:12:50 · answer #10 · answered by dark^wishy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋