New Dad - Advice please?

Question

A girl that I knew from work contacted me to tell me that she had a baby & that he was mine.
At 1 month old she has decided to give him up - I really want him to live with me. I am 22, with my own home & a good job (with flexible working hours). I am currently seeking legal advice.
My question is - The girls mum is currently looking after him, but is away from next week, so he is coming to stay with me. - I havent got the first idea about how to look after a baby, I realise that i will have to learn & quickly! - but i need advice concerning the basics of caring for his needs as i want to do the best for him - Any advice will be very welcome,
Sam.

I have no parents to ask, as they both died when i was little.

Thank you so much for all your answers. I can't believe the kind response from everyone.
Thank you also to everbody who said that I could contact them for further advice as and when I need it - you may regret this!
Seriously though, Thankyou.

Thanks to everybody once again!
-It will be impossible to choose a best answer.

Answer 1

One question: are you sure that he's yours?

Unfortunately, I can be of little help on the other issues - but I sure others will be. But I would confirm that he is yours before you get too emtionally involved - just in case.

Answer 2

If he cries then he's either hungry, wet or poo'd, too hot or cold, tired or just wants a cuddle. If his cry is unusually high pitched, call a doctor, he may be in pain or ill.
I'm not sure how old he is but look out for dangers, like small things he can choke on, if he's crawling move any dangers out of his way.
If he's only a couple of months then he will probably want a bottle every 4 hours or so. You will need to rub and pat his back to get his wind up after a feed.
Make sure he sleeps on his back and don't let the covers go over his head.
Don't wrap him up too much indoors, whats an ok temp for you with loose clothing on will also be ok for him.
Don't leave him unattended and always use a car seat.....other than that, just enjoy him.
You will be surprised how quickly you realise what their needs are and I'm sure you have no need to worry.....I think he's a lucky boy having such a caring, sensible Dad!
Good luck.

Answer 3

Ok the best thing to do is to get in touch with the baby's health visitor or the sure start scheme. They will be able to support you. Like others have asked are sure (100%) that the baby is yours?

Other than that what you need is to 'go with the flow' a new born will need feeding around every 3-4 hours. Need a nappy change just after each feed.
They will also sleep alot but maybe not at night.

Good luck.

Answer 4

My boys 18 months; I'm still happily married to mum, but we all need the same advice.

He needs a routine. Doesn't need to be too strict, but being grouchy either means he's hungry (try that first, especially if he's v. young), or sleepy (as he gets older he'll eat more so this becomes the most likely reason), or bored (again, this happens more as he gets older).

At his current age, he really won't need a lot of looking after. Regular feeding, followed by a bit of activity (play mat or bouncy chair are good; but stay with him and enjoy his company; don't leave him in a corner). The rest of the time he'll sleep. He'll go through the Eat / Play / Sleep routine every 3-4 hours at his age.

Get him into a routine for evening bedtime (around 7am). We used to bath him, then give him some milk, then read a story (even when v young) then put them to bed. It means they know whats coming and its a lot less stress, especially as they grow up.

I used to wake our baby up at 10 - 11pm each night for a feed. Means you can get to bed for 11pm and hopefully get some sleep till around 4am. Not everyone likes this idea, but it worked for our baby.

If you go out anywhere with him - think long and hard about what you need to take with you. Other have listed what you'll need, but print these lists and check it before you go out. Nothing worse than spoiling a day at the park because you've nothing to clean him with.

Get someone to show you how to put a nappy on and how to make / use baby milk.

You will get Sh1t under your fingernails at some point, he will p1ss on you as well. Try to laugh it off and don't get cross. Don't buy a new carpet for the first few years for similar reasons - its a waste of money.

I could go on all night, but above all, make sure you get to know your son. Spend as much time with him as you can. You're obviously keen and use that to keep yourself going when he's being hard work. Do as much together as you can. There's few better feelings than when he does something because you showed him how to do it; whether its saying his first word or blowing his first raspberry at the mother-in-law.

Answer 5

Ok some basic rules,
Babies need there nappies changed every 4 hours or a.s.a.p if dirty.
He will probably already have a feeding regime so find this out from his mum when she drops him off.
You will need to buy a steriliser for his bottles and dummies etc, these need to be washed in hot soapy water after use then popped in the steriliser.
Babies vomit frequently, some more than others, so dont worry about this its common.
He will need bathed every other day and in between a top to toe wash will be fine (again ask mum what soaps she uses and if he is sensitive to anything)
Its important to wind baby in between feeds so sit him up and pat his back till he burps to save a sore tum. Infacol is good if he suffers badly with trapped wind.
If you want to know if he is warm enough then feel the back of his neck and if thats nice and warm hes ok, babies hands and feet are usually cold so dont go by them.
Thats all i can think of for now but am sure you will be fine, maybe it would be a good idea to get mum to write out a daily routine for you to follow. Expect him to be tetchy for a while untill he gets used to his envronment, try and stay calm, babies pick up on stress and it will make him unsettled. You have the most important thing already and thats love and security.
Please E Mail me if you get stuck, i have looked after babies for 11 years and would be happy to help.
Good luck x

Answer 6

Go get the book "What to Expect the First Year" and read it up to 3 months.

1. Change diapers as soon as they are wet or dirty to prevent diaper rash. Be sure to clean him up really well after a bowel movement. Anything left behind could cause a rash.

2. Feed every 3 to 4 hours. Most babies at this age will only eat about half of a regular size bottle about 4 to 5 oz (120 to 150 ml) Follow the directions on the formula for mixing. It's usually one scoop of formula per 1oz (30 ml) of water.

3. Burp after every feeding or the child will get gassy and/or spit up alot. Do not jostle or play with the baby too much after feeding.

4. Don't leave him in the bathtub alone. Wash him in the sink or just clean him up with a washcloth. Don't use regular soap on him. Use baby soap or plain water. Wash quickly and then wrap him in a warm towel. Pat dry, don't rub.

5. If he does get a rash, apply diaper rash cream (you can ask a pharmacist what would be best) and dust it with baby powder made from cornstarch. Talcum Powder is bad for the babies lungs.

6. Don't leave him on the bed or couch alone because he could roll off. I used to bolster my kids with pillows if they were sleeping and I needed to run into another room. A boppy pillow is also good to use to prevent rolling.

Answer 7

I must say I'm 19 myself and going to be giving birth to my first baby also , I can say that I have learned that everybody is scared with there first child and believe me not knowing much about them is pretty normal. I would say for you since you don't have your parents to help you, you can start reading up on things on the computer, books. Talk to the child's doctor about caring for it when it is sick never be scared to ask any question. Believe it or not alot of things will come natural to you. Really the best advice i can really say is think about how you were raised, take the things that you learn ed and that you would like your child to know and mistakes you made you can use that to teach your child not to go that way. Raise it how you feel will be best and so that it can grow and become it's own person. All you can do is your best just be the father that you want your child to have and you wont go wrong..

Answer 8

I have no children of my own, but when my neice was born I spent the first 6 weeks of her life looking after her with my sister.

This was the first baby I had ever looked after, she didnt need much attention, just change, feed and burp.

She let me know when she was hungry and when she needed her nappy changing, you will get to know his cries and what they are for.

Most new borns sleep a lot throughout the day, so this makes it easier for you to get other things done. When he wakes up he might winge a little and if its the right time, give him a feed, burp him and then put him down in a baby bouncer and he will soon drift off to sleep again.

My niece used to love her baby bouncer and you can get them quite cheap, i suggest getting one.

Your fatherly instinct will soon kick in and you will look back and think how easy it was, you will get some sleepless nights, but as soon as baby gets into a routine you will get those lost hours of sleep back.

Also if he wont stop crying, even though you have fed and changed him, it could be a bit of trapped wind or even colic, this can be cured by using Infacol, you can get it at any chemist and they can answer ant questions you may have.

Hope this helps, keeps us all informed how you get on.

Answer 9

a baby knows when you are stressed out, so the main thing is to not let yourself get stressed. if the baby is crying and you don't have a clue as to what is wrong, there is no harm in walking away to catch your breath and try again. make sure you check things like diaper (is it wet or dirty) when was the last time he ate, could he be tired, is he sick. you know the basics. a one month old most likely would not be sleeping through the night yet, so be prepared to get up in the middle of the night, i hope you plan on taking a few days off work to get use to this change, because it will be a change for both you and baby. now i don't want to be like everyone else, but are you 100% sure this child is yours? you don't want to get stuck taking care of a child that is not yours, and if this child really is yours and you decide to take on this responsibility my other advice to you would be take the mom to court and get child support, cause you will need it. good luck to you and i hope i helped a little. oh and by the way i want to say thank you for standing up for your child, most men would walk away at your age, i am glad to know that there are men out there that take on their responsibilities.
thank you.

Answer 10

i am a first time mom, and I can tell you that no matter how much advice you get, sometimes conflicting, you never really know 100% what to do. it all comes to you naturally without even thinking about it. most of the things are pretty obvious.. if the nappy is wet, change it, if he is crying, he may be hungry give him a bottle or food if old enough! If he wont sleep, hold him in your arms and comfort him cause he will be in a new environment and may be a bit weary. give him lots of love. if he wakes up at night, he may be cold and needs another blanket unless he is stilll baby baby and may need night feeds still. if you are not sure of anything, take him to a pead. they will always give you the best advice. otherwise, feel free to contact me and ask me anything you like. I will help you as much as I can.

Answer 11

Wow. Big time points for being a stand up guy. at this stage that baby needs his ddiapers chaged, he neesds fed and burped, and most of all, he needs love. It's ok to be nervous at first. ask any moms you know, or the baby's gramdma, to show you techniques. I'm sure they will be glad to help. make an appt. with a pediatrician right away for a 1 month checkup. the baby needs shots and stuff any way, and the Dr and nurses can help you alot-- they'll let you know what to look for as far as illness and what you don't need to worry about. let them know you're a first time dad on your own. It's not easy but you're doing the right thing and the rest will fall into place. good luck