sadness
at the hospital
angles in the air
taking ones we love so much
away on golden wings
sitting here
morning sun is out
seeing one i love so much
lying dead in bed
motionless i cry silent tears
wishing she was here again
wishing i was gone
family all around
brushing hair
removing ring
i know shes relly gone
spring flowers bloom but my world is black
i watch her lay there motionless
i cry out whyd you leave
i want you back
but knowing she will never come
i sit in shock and weep
D.S.
if your interested or like this ive heaps more work about 30 poems and songs this is a poem i wrote the day after my great grandmother died
2006-09-05 20:59:23 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Other - Arts & Humanities
quick question is there any way to edit typos angels should be angles
2006-09-05 21:10:46 · update #1
You have the talent of creating strong images to the reader. And also you are combining images from real life with imaginary images (angels) and also emotions. Great talent
I think that if you change the third person with second will make the poem more personal.
"wishing you were here again"
"I know you're really gone"
"but knowing you will never come"
2006-09-09 01:23:04 · answer #1 · answered by Divra 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If it comes out of you, poetry could never be stupid. It is only stupid to keep it bottled inside. Lovely poem. There is a tear
in my eye, now, but it is good to know you KNEW your great grandmother. That is an awesome thing most people will never experience.
There is no way to correct questions' spelling errors. Just use spell check in Word when you write your poems. Keep up the good work, girli!
2006-09-06 06:01:31 · answer #2 · answered by Sleek 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Touching poem- keep writing! Losing a loved one is always hard, but you know what? Writing helps! I learned that from my Grandmother when her husband died, and I didn't understand why he would die at such a young age! She said, "this too shall pass" and that has been the case in many more passings of my age. All I can say is to keep writing, especially when it hurts, since that is when you will discover peace.
2006-09-06 04:10:57 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course it's not stupid, it's a beautitul poem. It made me very sad to read it, you really use description well, letting the reader come in and feel what you are feeling. Keep writing...and I'm sorry for the loss of your great grandmother.
2006-09-06 04:07:07 · answer #4 · answered by cynshyn 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being a published poet...I would say no this poem is not stupid. You do have some spelling errors though, keep writing. Poetry is in the eyes of the beholding, not what other people think.
Kimberly
2006-09-06 04:06:05 · answer #5 · answered by Kimberly 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wont be harsh to you because for you only being 14 yrs old, i think you did a wonderful job on this poem and it brought tears to my eyes but please you have a great head on your shoulders and dont let anyone try to bring you down
great job
I LOVE IT
2006-09-06 04:06:33 · answer #6 · answered by sw33t_n_sp1c3y2000 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I actually like this poem! Keep up the good work!
2006-09-06 04:11:41 · answer #7 · answered by Hardrock 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From one just 14 years old, it shows the deep-felt emotions of someone who could be much older. Try harder - and you will sure gain repute.
Best of Luck.
Only, use the spellcheck to avoid embarrassment.
2006-09-06 04:13:13 · answer #8 · answered by Zarama 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good poem... Sorry about your loss. Just wanted to let you know, you had a improper word use error...third line should be "angels in the air"...
2006-09-06 04:05:31 · answer #9 · answered by Linzy Rae 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
hey, i think its a lovely poem...very thoughful. its a great way of getting your feelings out. my mother died 11 months ago and i think it would be a great idea to write a poem. lovely poem and thanks for a great idea. put somemore onto yahoo answers.
good luck
2006-09-06 04:46:26 · answer #10 · answered by SA angel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋