At this coffee place that I frequent, I caught this female barista looking at me in a way a guy would look at a woman he's interested in. Her appearance fits all the outward stereotypes of a lesbian. I like her, she's super nice and got the greatest customer service ever, but I told her I'm straight because the way she looked at me made me uncomfortable. When I told her that, she changed the subject. Now she avoids all eye contact with me, basically ignoring me. The thing is, I was, and still am, attracted to her, and I'm very sad and hurt by what happened. I still think about her, and for the first time in my life pray to God to just let her be happy in life. What do I do? Just let this pass? Can I still go to the coffee place? I don't think she's out, and her coworkers I think thought she just seems boyish. I don't want her to become the subject of unkind gossips.
2006-09-05 20:06:37 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Just try to be a friend. The worst thing you could do is avoid her. That would make her think you are offended by her or her lifestyle. Keep going there to have your coffee, and keep talking to her as if nothing happened. If you let it go, eventually she will to. And if you feel it is appropriate at some point, apoligize, tell her you are sorry if you hurt her feeling, and that you still want to be her friend.
2006-09-07 19:33:35 · answer #1 · answered by Robin 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i could be wrong but it sounds like you just came out and said you were straight without much explanation why........ surely its possible you could have misinterpreted those initial glances?? even if she is gay she may not have been looking at you in this way.
it sounds like YOUR reactions are making her feel uncomfortable. I would definitely go back into the coffee shop and apologies if I have been acting a little strangely lately and that my behavior has nothing to do with her.
it sounds like you made her feel uncomfortable
plus...... your assuming quite a bit arent you? you dont know whether she has come out, even is a lesbian or not. she might be completely out to her close friends but not work friends. you just dont know. this is obviously her own private business.
in the end it doesnt matter if she is a lesbian or not. you like this girl and it would be sad to miss out on a friendship.
i dont mean to assume....... but in your question it sounds like you are actually more confused about this than possibly she is.
2006-09-05 20:21:47 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
why not? she is a person just like anyone else.
Talk to her, tell her you thinks she's kewl but you don't "go" for the girl girl thing. and that everything is ok. Then sit down and have a chat.
And you are not responsible for the petty gossip of other people. Just tell her you were confused and made a mistake when you said what you said before.
2006-09-06 05:17:11 · answer #3 · answered by a1tommyL 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
very_very_confused,
If you know it couldn't be, then you need to go to another coffee shop. But I get something from you that says that you had a latent fantasy or tendency that woke up in you.
If you are not married, you might want to explore your "other" side. She sounds embarrassed. You need to settle her nerves. But if it can't work, don't play with her feelings by coming around. It sounds like she's pretty into you already.
In other words, you haven't made the choice, so you don't understand it.
2006-09-05 20:13:25 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely. Shouldn't make the slightest bit of difference. It's like when you find out a guy is married, you don't wander round love sick for him do you?
You are off the market for her - simple. No barrier to being friends.
I am male but I once remained friends with a guy who was gay, he knew the score and never once made me uncomfortable.
2006-09-05 20:11:35 · answer #5 · answered by teef_au 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't think that you should worry about this at all... you said what you said because you were uncomfortable, that is fine. If I were you I would continue to go to your coffee shop and talk with her as if there is nothing wrong, because there really shouldn't be.
Eventually, she will come around or she won't... it is up to her now.
Raevyn
2006-09-05 20:14:48 · answer #6 · answered by raevyn_goddess 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
she's probably a little embarrassed, and isn't sure how to regard you at this point. go back to the brew point and, if you think it's appropriate, start a harmless convo with her. your conversation doesn't have to hinge on preference and your talking doesn't have to lead anywhere (certainly if you don't want it to). you both might get a good friend out of the deal. probably not a bad deal for either of you.
later.
2006-09-05 21:00:08 · answer #7 · answered by pyg 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Presuming that you are female, i don't see why not. Next time try to speak to her and explain that you did not mean to offend or upset her. Perhaps she might be willing to be a friend or go to a film. It might depend on whether she is only keen on lesbians and thought you might be one
I have suffered enough through loss and horrid treatment that a new friend would be as gold to me
Sincere best wishes. Rose P.
2006-09-05 20:16:58 · answer #8 · answered by rose p 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I would just let it go, as she is doing now. She feels uncomfortable, so unless you want to open a can of worms, and get in bed with her, then why pursue it. Don't go to the coffee shop again, unless you are changing your sexual preferences.
2006-09-05 21:19:42 · answer #9 · answered by shardf 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Unless you know for sure she is a lesbian you may have insulted her. As it stands you definitely embarrassed her. If you want to send her a card apologizing for your actions, it would be a good thing.
2006-09-05 23:52:51 · answer #10 · answered by IndyT- For Da Ben Dan 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋