My husband and I recently got back together after a year of being seperated. We are having problems working out our issues. I know we need to seek a marriage counseler. One of the issues with us is. I am always busy helping everyone else with their problems instead of dealing with my own. I feel I can't let anyone down. I have this problem with wanting to fix everyone else but I am letting him down because he wants my undivided attention. I feel he is jealous when I help others, when we got so many problems to work out of our own. How do I stop this need to want to help everyone? I pull myself in so many different directions. . I feel exhausted and my husband thinks he seems to pay the consequences. Am I wrong for wanting to help people so much. I do give him some attention, but he doesn't feel it is enough.
2006-09-05 19:50:26 · 10 answers · asked by confused 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We got back together before working out our issues, which there are many.
We feel we still love each other and our marriage is worth fighting for.
But the most important thing is our 2 children are suffering from this greatly and need some foundation and security back in there lives.
2006-09-05 20:07:14 · update #1
Compromises. It's what it's all about. I'm not saying you need to stop trying to help everyone out until you've got things at home under control. I'm saying you need to really cut down and devote 'most' of your time and attention on your relationship. You're no good to anyone til you're in a good place. Btw, I'm not saying go back to helping everyone out once you've fixed things with husband since it sounds like that was a big part of the problem in the first place. I don't know if he's jealous or not, but it'd be reasonable of him to not be happy with you spending all your time and attention on other people than him. He deserves your time and attention just as much or more (way more in my opinion) than anyone else in your life.
2006-09-05 19:56:09 · answer #1 · answered by Olivia B 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Giving attention to everyone else is your way of not dealing with your own issues. You rationalize your not addressing the issues as you have no time. Sounds like you may be able to make the time however are scared of what you may find when approaching your own issues. Stop and think for just a second. If you wish to insist on being of such service to others, how about fixing your issues first so that your mind is not occuppied with both. You may find that your man is much happier and your more available for all kinds of things. You may even find that fixing other peoples issues aren't so important any longer because you found a more full and enrichening life with your partner.
2006-09-05 20:01:41 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It can work ONLY if he is serious about making it work and sticks with therapy and counselling. Do not listen to empty promises - you need actual proof he is going to meetings every week or several times a week and taking it seriously. With you and the kids leaving that might be the "rock bottom" he has to hit before he gets help. If he does get treatment and after 6-12 months you decide to get back together, you cannot give another chance though. Once you start to see the abuse again, get out ASAP and do not look back as that shows he never is going to change
2016-03-17 09:05:35 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Who is every one else? How do they rate?
You are getting something out of helping people or you wouldn't be doing it. What and Why?
Are you distracting yourself so you don't have to deal with issues you should be or does it give you sense that your life is OK?? Maybe your punishing him?
It is not fair that he wants your "undivided attention" but that is probably not the case...If you can't control it then it's obsessive.......
Why are the people you know pulling so hard on you?
"Can't let them down" but the way your being used is letting you down and in turn your husband.
Do some real soul searching and then make a plan to fix yourself.
Limit how much time these "people" are stealing from your life.
2006-09-05 20:32:53 · answer #4 · answered by Red 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you feel your Husband is a bit demanding or controlling? Maybe that's your way out by helping other people. The only way to save your Marriage is to seek out a Marriage Counselor. Then you can both express your feelings in a open way with a person there to mediate the both of you.
2006-09-05 19:55:42 · answer #5 · answered by viki h 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you better head his words or loose him again, and maybe this time for good..... you need to learn to say NO to all the other ppl..... heal your marriage, that is more important than ANYTHING right now...... deal with the issues at hand and turn off the rest of the world...... ask your self how much do YOU want this marriage to work ??? your husband is right in this case.... if he is willing to give 100 % then shouldn't you ?? would YOU put up with it if it was him NOT giving the 100 % to the rebuilding ?? God bless
2006-09-05 19:56:49 · answer #6 · answered by Annie 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think there are many issues you aren't telling us.Your family is the only problem you need to have.You cant help others until you can help yourself.I know I do the same thing.Sometimes its better to think about others problems than your own.What do you really want?Your husband or not?If you do then give him your attention.After being apart for a year doesn't he deserve all of you
2006-09-07 03:02:17 · answer #7 · answered by hotone 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
After being on seperation for a year, then decide to get back together, i thought u had sorted out the problem before getting back! what was the whole point in you going back when the both of you had not sorted out your problems? After 1 year apart, when deciding to get back 2gether u should have talked, resolved the issues, come to an agreement, but from the look of things, u just decided to get back togther without sorting out the issue! in normal circumstances u would be having your second honey moon after getting back together, after a year of absence! I would like to know how the 2 of u got back without sorting out the core problem!
2006-09-05 20:03:47 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think recognizing and admitting you have a problem is half the battle. They say charity starts at home first. You need to take that to heart. Otherwise your marriage will fail again.
Good luck.
2006-09-05 19:58:28 · answer #9 · answered by Tony 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you might want to put your husband first or soon you might not have him a year is a while to be apart on both parties involved . think on this matter very strongley. my opion?
2006-09-05 20:12:19 · answer #10 · answered by the_silverfoxx 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋