my husbands having an attitude?

Question

he's being stubborn and when i try to tell him something that bothers me he's always so defensive and always is able to come up with a way to seem like hes so innocent.like he's perfect. and always turns it around to seem like i did something wrong. i wish hed just try to see my side of it ,but instead it seems like he just wants to be a punk and get me angry.all he has to say is im sorry and id feel fine. i feel like he can't ever own up to what hes doing to bother me and he'll get me frustrated till i cry, im usually a happy person until he upsets me, i hate being upset!! especially by someone else. then way later after being upset with eachother he says sorry .what should i do so that i wont let him get to me?

by the way we've been together a long time and have a pretty good relationship aside from this kind of problem. i know its not a really big deal but im just frustrated.

oh i should have known the men would be defensive thats exactly what im talking about morons

Answer 1

Ummm, yeah, some men can be this way. I know that my hubby gets like this from time to time. I understand that most of the time we just want to be heard but it seems like our spouses are interpreting what we say the wrong way. The best thing to do is learn how to fight fairly. If one or both of u starts to feel really hot headed, cease the argument and take a walk or leave the house for a few minutes or longer if need be. Then when both are sufficiently level headed, discuss the issue again in a cool, calm manner. Take turns listening and talking and try not to cut each other off in mid sentence. Have your spouse repeat what you're saying to ensure that he "understood" it. Make sure u resolve the issue one way or another because if u don't u will only end up fighting about it again and again. And...don't sweat the small stuff. If it's something so stupid as to not matter tomorrow, let it go.

My hubby and I practice this method and it's very effective. We try not to yell and scream at each other because we realize that yelling and screaming won't help get our point of view across. Learn how to communicate and listen effectively. The goal is not to be right all the time. The goal is for both partners to compromise and come up with a solution.
I wish u luck.

Answer 2

Only you can decide to be upset over anything, no-one else is responsible for your emotion. If there is an issue, try to deal with it when you are not angry - find a good time to talk. Say 'when you do this I feel that" rather than launch into blame. Talk about feelings, feelings, feelings. Make sure you are not going overboard on trivial complaints, try to analyze whether you are letting yourself behave more like a child having a tantrum or as an adult with a rational frame of mind. If the former, try reasoning with yourself first. There are no prizes for 'winning' an apology from someone so don't keep trying to get one. Just say what bothers you and let him think about it. Most men like to be told only once - they may pretend not to be listening but if you've picked the right time, not when he's tired or watching sport, you stand a good chance he'll hear you. And if he experiences your love in this way he's much more likely to try to do something about it.

Answer 3

Many men have been taught a great deal by women! Many women,
seem to start conversation's with an attitude to men! This puts a man on the defensive. Men seem to be more observant to body movement and voice sounds, and often it comes across as an attack!

For men, when it involves a woman, they already know that what ever it is, they are already wrong! The only thing they can do is say, how sorry they are, and promise to try and be a good, good boy in the future! Of course they dare not say this nor admit it as they know there will be holyhell to pay! If you feel that I am so wrong, look at some of the answers you are getting from men and women! No I am older and have seen much, and no, I am far from anti-women! WE men talk and what I have stated is pretty much the coverstaions, many thousands of times in my life!

Answer 4

I know exactly where you are coming from on account of having to deal with the same thing. I feel that when my bf apologizes, he does it just to make me feel better and dont even understand why I feel the need for the apology!!! So what I do is one of two things...either force him to coopertate in this listening exercise that I created OR write him a note and have my 2 year old son go give it to him haha. If you're interested, the exercise consist of us being around a clock and timing eachother's time to talk so we are both heard out with NO interruptions allowed from the other. This way, with the time being limited, the most important factors of the disagreement are brought up (using our time wisely) and therefore, dealt with..also no one gets bored. lol sorry to see that someone else gotta go through this too I HATE getting frustrated (which reminds me I use to count to ten too to calm down lol). I hope I helped :)

Answer 5

Eh', I can't think of any universal approach to this. Every couple has their own little way of dealing with things. I figure if you give it time you'll both figure out how to deal with this. Both by you getting less upset and him learning how to respond to your issues with him.
Update: Gah! I just saw the two people above my answer say to divorce him. I hope you don't take that to heart. I think people on Yahoo Answers are way too quick to suggest leaving a relationship. It doesn't sound like either of you are bad people, but you're both human and are flawed and simply butt heads here and there. It's only natural. Just work through it as best you can.

Answer 6

Is it attitude that your getting from him or is he just tired of putting up with your whining and complaining?

Maybe he seems so defensive cause your message is that he screwed up and he's tired of hearing that all the time.

Maybe he turns it around not because he is blaming you like you always blame him but wants you to see how you could have handled it differently as well.

Have you considered changing the way you do things instead of saying it is all his fault and what's up with him lately? Have you considered letting the little stuff go and picking your fights for those things that are really important?

Just my thoughts....

Just my thoughts

Answer 7

my hubby was the same way for years.... I love him dearly , always have and always will , but I finally just laid it down..... I told him he was judgmental and very obnoxious when he got the attitude thing going, about him being soooooo perfect and that i will NO longer put up with it.... I told him that when he started all that junk I would walk away and ignore his feelings just like he was ignoring mine..... it took a few times and a few reminder talks and lectures , but he got the point ....... God bless

Answer 8

He probably thinks that you give him the bad attitude worse than he does it to you. And he's probably right. Just by coming in here and involving strangers like us in your private affairs, you've betrayed a confidence he might still have in you. Who are you going to rat on him to next, you fink? If you don't want him, leave. If you do, shut up.

I knew a man who handled his nagging wife by actually becoming perfect. Perfectly polite, that is. He was ever the gentleman. He was considerate, solicitious of his wife's comfort, gave her every sign of respect, said all the right things.... Of course, it was an act, and she knew it. But he never would quit. 24 hours a day, seven days a week, he was the faultless in conduct and fair in speech. Sir Galahad, but definitely not Sir Lancelot. She hated him, and, underneath the show of gallantry, he hated her, too. Still, they were together when I moved away. I don't know whatever became of their relationship.

Answer 9

Maybe it's high time you stop whining and grow up.with some things like your problem,it is either you live with it or you don't,the choice is yours.But if this really bothers you,then you and your husband should see a shrink.better still you can tell GOD your problem,He has all the answers for you problems,that is if you really have a relationship with Him.Good luck!

Answer 10

Divorce him.

Then get married again and eventually divorce him too.