Am I am the wrong...Im confused.?

Question

I have been married for just over 4 years now and I have 3 kids - 2 being from my wifes previous relationship.

I am currently in the USAF but have decided that this isnt what I wanted to do because I just sit at a desk and want to cross over to the Army as Military Police. My wife is against it and says that I am only thinking about myself and that if I do it she is leaving to go back to Canada (thats where I met her).
I have wanted to be a police officer since I was young and the dream of it still follows me. I have been approved by the military to do what I want but I want to do it without loosing my family.

I understand she is worried because I am putting myself in more danger with the career choice but do yall think with the circumstances I have provided that I in the wrong or my wife.

I also planned on after the military becoming a civilian cop but just learned that she is against that as well.
It comes down to I have to be happy in my personal life or career life

I am not Canadian. I am talking about the US military. I just met my wife in Canada cause I lived at a base that was close to the border.

Answer 1

From the sounds of it you are going to make the military a career. My opinion on this is to follow what you want. MP is a great career to get into and its not as dangerous as a lot of people think. For the most part we are just training Iraqi police so we are not in harms way.

I say follow with what you want and I hope that your wife will follow. In the marriage vowels it also states that yall will stick by you so if this is an important factor in your life then I believe she should be there for you. You are still trying to provide for you family so its not as if you are abandoning them. Your are just trying to provide for them and have a career you enjoy..

Answer 2

Oh reality suxs dude!

Well career and family will always be a serious issue.

Your legacy is not your job, it is your children.
No one will ever say, so glad you spent more time at work.

Redefine "what YOU" have already created. The dye is cast. Your a father, husband and soldier. In that order-SIR.

If you die tomorrow, who is will be their Daddy, and have you made arrangements for their future? The minute the first child took its first breath, you life was forever changed.

Find a better solution. Go to a local college (outside of the military) take some placement tests for job placements and get some other ideas that can be as fulfilling. A dead dad is not an option. MP is not a wise choice and you know it. Yet, Officer school is a great one. Take college classes at night and "show" the family that you mean what you say about making yourself better. Use that information, to prove to your support system that the choice being made are the best for the family unit.

You also know "cross over" is a No no. USAF is your career, so make the most of it or retire to private life. With such a large family, the cost of living will be huge. Be smart, weight all the choices.

You asked a obvious question and you know the answers. Love your wife, she is protecting her family, the military life is lonely without her man standing tall beside her. She is a reflection of you, be a mirror of love to her. Honestly, I would take my kids "home" too my safe zone-family, if I was threatened. Which is what you are doing- The either OR option is passive agressive and since her world revolves around you- you are threatening her life and the security of the children.

Life happens while you are making plans! Career Military will provide that family a great life, travel and explore, offer those kids a life that will never know here safe in the states or Canada.

Happiness is not "either and or" it is created by hard work, dedication and wise planning. It is the reward for a job well done. Your dreams have already changed, compromise to find that place that will make you the "Better" man.

You will soon see " its not about being a cop". Best wishes.

Answer 3

Tough situation. U have to decide what's more important to u...your career or your family life. I know u know where your wife is coming from but understand that you're both right. She obviously doesn't want to lose u and the thought of her children growing up without a father probably scares her more than anything, not to mention the fact that she really loves u.
I would say your wife and family should be your number one priority and their happiness should be your first priority. Your career should be second but if u can come up with a compromise where u and your wife will both be happy, that would be the ideal solution. Just remember to work as a team on this and be fair to each other. Good luck.

Answer 4

You and I both want to be police, I was going to go for the MP, but I think it is better as a city COP. You know the Canadian Police are looking in every city and RCMP. What do you care about more being a cop or being with your love. It is up to you, I broke up with my girlfriend of 8 years to work on being a cop. I always may join the Canadian Military for 3 years. I am only 23 and have time till the police will take me here in Calgary. Contact me if you want to know more about Policing in Canada, I kow a lot.

Answer 5

It's tough but she's the priority. Your job is just a way of making your dreams come true, not your dream. You made a contract with this woman that you would provide for her and that doesn't just mean a paycheck. She married you as a desk jockey and she has a right to expect you won't take on a dangerous profession. If you can't convince her to allow you to put your life on the line you have no right to expect her to tollerate it.

Answer 6

-just my opinion- though you state that 2 of "your"kids sre from your wife's previous relationship you have been with her for over four years so all three of those kids are yours! If you value the life that you have made with her and the kids then...you will value her opinion. Careers and jobs will come and go but you are lucky to find love for right now. Dont think of it as not doing what you dreamed of. Look at your wife and kids and appreciate what you have... You will have time to persue all of your goals but what will it be worth if she and your 3 kids arent in your life to smile at you when you walk in your door?

Answer 7

3 children? Children are the highest priority here, its no longer about you and its no longer about her. Compromise.....thats what marriage is. What would we be without dreams? You both need to sit down, and figure it out TOGETHER!!! Always put the children first, and what is in the best interest for THEM. Im saying it is ok to have dreams, better yet follow them. Thats easier said than done in this case, now if there weren't children I would say " opportunity is knocking so what you waiting on?" However this isn't the case, pray about it together. Talk about it together. ~Best of luck~

Answer 8

You, You and more of you.

You have a wife and 3 children and you are going to do what you want to do.

I can see you never told your wife about your dream ever since you were young.

Seems you can even decide what you want to do anyways.

You have a wife and children and you have to be happy.

WHAT ABOUT THEM A-- HOLE.

Answer 9

Neither one of you are in the wrong...it's just the fact that she really cares/loves you & she doesn't want you going somewhere to put yourself in danger & taking the chance of her loosing you. She'd rather you stay at the job you have now, because it's safe, then putting yourself in harms way. You on the other hand, just want to do what your dream job is...but i'm sure you guys will work it all out:)

Answer 10

That's unfortunate that your wife is not supportive of your dreams. That makes things really tough. I understand her perspective and I understand yours as well.

I hope the two of you can reach a compromise that you both can live with. Good luck.