how do i/we agree to disagree?

Question

i'm sick of arguing over petty bullshit.is it underlying issues?i just wanna be happy;moreover,how does one be happy to be single? i haven't been there in 13years...please gimme some sympathy and honest answers..

Answer 1

1. You need to understand -- in depth -- the difference between ARGUMENATION and QUARRELING.

Argumentation is a set of rules used on a conractual basis by two people to seek and accept the truth. It's a method of reaching the truth by formal discussion and exchanges. You can learn A LOT about this from the Teaching Company's course on this fascinating subject. It's taught by David Zarefsky of Northwestern University and it is on sale:

http://www.teach12.com/ttc/assets/coursedescriptions/4294.asp?id=4294&d=Argumentation%3A+The+Study+of+Effective+Reasoning%2C+2nd+Edition&pc=Philosophy%20and%20Intellectual%20History

2. Your problem is you get mired in QUARRELING over petty bullshit. You've got to know and respect argumentation in order to realize when a quarrel is brewing and OPT OUT OF IT, because there is no contract to arrive at the truth, it's just an angry game played by two or more geeks.

3. Now I'm going to give you some sympathy and understanding. Want a cookie? This isn't going to SOUND sympathetic, but appearances can be deceiving. You wrote, "I just wanna be happy..." and the proper response is: you're being conned! F*ck happiness! You've lived without it your whole life, you obviously don't need it, abandon this tantalyzing fantasy of being a "winner" among the happiness junkees.

4. Now, if I'm begging you to abandon the fruitless pursuit of happiness, I have to propose something ELSE that's better, Here it is -- get energy from gratitude and by spotting and sucking in merriment. Gratitude is most available, for some reason, at sunrise and at sunset, especially outside, especially at the "transition area," which is the edge of a meadow, where open land meets a copse of trees or a forest.

Merriment is most likely found among friends and among people working together on a volunteer project.

Use the energy you get from gratitude and merriment to realize and accept all KINDNESS you receive. With gratitude and laughter part of your life and the eyes to spot kindness, now, finally, after all these years, pursue WISDOM.

Do this, and you'll learn something right away. "There are no empty gestures on behalf of the human spirit." It is impossible to get trapped in petty bullshit and pouting and unhappiness when you have the hallmark of the seeker of wisdom -- which is making regular gestures on behalf of the human spirit.

Believe it.

Answer 2

I'm not sure sympathy is what you should be looking for honey. It just reinstates those hurt feelings you have by allowing others to justify them for you. But honesty? I have that. Lots of it. One of the first things you need to do is change your mind set. Everyone has things that bother them and annoy them, but we all have the power of choice to either let them go or focus on them. Stop focusing on them. Someone once said to me that if I looked at all the negatives in life...they would surround me. They also said that if I changed that by looking for the positives, I'd find those too. I guess what I'm trying to say is to get up tomorrow morning and make the choice to move past the petty things. There is a prayer alot of people use to do this. I believe it's called Serenity:

God, please give me the courage to change the things I can, the ability to accept the things I cannot change and the wisdom to know the difference.

It helps!

Answer 3

My fiancee and I argue over stupid stuff until it gets to the point that someone gets hurt.Telling him I refuse to talk about it any longer or walking away is not an option for him.He will follow me nagging and yelling,and sometimes even resorts to name calling.He use to get to the point of physically attacking me until he put me through a wall and I told him I was leaving,now he keeps his hands to himself.If the other person isn't willing to agree to disagree,it is hard to drop the subject.Most of the time there is an underlying issue.If you have been in a relationship for a long time,it is hard to know what the underlying issue is. Like I found my fiancee was emailing a coworker and I said he lied about it.He said he didn't lie,just didn't tell me.Well now it seems I get angry at him over little things and when we start arguing I throw that incident in his face.I am not really "single" but I have been and I found it hard to be happy,b/c I didn't have a reason to go out of the house except to go to work.I was very lonely at that time in my life.Some people thrive really well when they are single.I do not drink(any more),so I do not enjoy going places where alcohol is sold,I have and only drank diet soda,but everyone was having fun except for me.I have this over whelming need to be with someone,b/c I am afraid to be alone.This stems from abandonment of my parents.I have only been"single" for about 1 year of my adult life.It also seems like a pattern of trying to find someone to "fix".

Try some counseling,I have been in counseling for 2 1/2 years and find I learn alot about my life and situations that arise.Good luck Hon. Everyone has their own way of dealing with different situations and I hope you find one that will work for you.

Answer 4

Ask yourself. Why are you arguing over petty things? Petty things are excuses for bigger problems that aren't being addressed. It's basically a release of built up tensions. If something that's "petty" gets you into an argument, you need to look at yourself. And being single is cool, it's just the opposite of being involved for 13 years.

Answer 5

The next time you have a petty arguement, look at your partner and say, "I refuse to continue this conversation as in we are getting nothing accomplished." Believe me, it works, the other party looks at you like you slapped them in the face, but at least it shuts them up........LOL........Take care, dear............

Answer 6

I can only simpathize. I wish I had the answer to your question for my own use. The closest I have found is God. Good luck.

Answer 7

make a list of what you are calling petty issues...... then sit down and talk about each one..... tell who ever that these issues are just NOT important enough to argue and fight about....... then stick to your guns..... if they are brought up, let him or who ever, make the choices or decisions about them..... then be ok with it.......... God bless

Answer 8

HOW DOES ONE BE HAPPY TO BE SINGLE?

1. I DON'T KNOW.

Answer 9

each person has the right to their own opinion therefore right are wrong it should be excepted.