is being a stay home mother better or harder?

Question

I'm about to have my baby and I find my job has been getting in my way lately. I feel I can do so much more at home for my household. I've been told a million times it's important to have a secret stash "just in case". Quite naturallly I won't be able to build on it if I do stay home and will rely solely on hubby's income. Any advice?

Answer 1

It depends on what you call hard and better. Being a parent is hard no matter what you choose. I am a sahm and there is nothing easy about it for me. There will be times where you will wish you could go back to work because raising a child isn't easy. Some women look at going to work as time to decompress from home life. (We all need that!!!) But its always a blessing when you have the opportunity to raise your child instead of someone else doing it. God Bless no matter what you choose.

Answer 2

I just became a stay at home mom, and it's nice to be able to do everything at home, but if I don't get out of this damn house at some point I am going to go crazy... Bills are harder to pay, my husband only brings home around 850 every paycheck, and we're on WIC-that helps a little... But I can't wait to get a job, I should be getting a call back tomorrow..

And my hubby and I sometimes argue because I need something and he says no it's my money, or this is my house... it does get kind of ugly, then we argue about him not helping around the house and stuff..

Being a stay at home mom may work for some people but not for all... My advice is talk to your husband about it, and think hard about whether or not you should quit your job (I had no choice in the matter) Take your 6 wks of maternity leave before you decide, and put away your paycheck to see if you really can make it with just his. Don't forget to factor in the cost of formula if your not breast feeding, and how often you'll need to buy new baby clothes..

See how much child care costs, maybe it would be cheaper to be a stay at home mom.... Oh, and it does kind of get boring, and also when you and hubby go to sleep and baby cries, hubby's gonna say you need to get the baby because I have to work tomorrow... tell him that's BS, you'll be working 24/7.. at least he has time off!

But the most important thing I believe is to talk to your hubbykeep the lines of communication open, I may make it sound bad, but you should hear the disappointment in my hubby's voice when I tell him that Jr. lifted his head all the way off the floor today, or he finally smiled at me and he missed it.... Just think really hard before you decide, that's all the advice I have for ya.. Good luck

Answer 3

It all depends on how strong you are. I have been a stay at home mother for over nine years. My children are my world. But on the other hand, my husband and I have talked about divorce on and off for the past year. It is scary to know that you have absolutely nothing to show for yourself. My advice would be to take time and search your feelings. Some women actually go screaming back to work, just to get a break from the household. If you decide to stay home, take on-line courses. Go as far as you can with your education. That can never be taken away by the courts. As for the stash, it is a must. Tell him you need $130.00 dollars for groceries when all you really need is $85.00. Be smart with the money. When he does go shopping with you, take him to the expensive stores. He won't question the bill again. That's how I got my stash together, without working!!! Good luck to you and your new baby!

Answer 4

I am a stay home mommy for the last nine years.... It is by far the most challenging JOB ever a person could take on... I have done it all myself with very little time away... My own personal time is when I have had my hair done, or some other beauty regimen that I go out for... And to the gym on occasion...
The rest of the time is entirely all devoted to my hubby and my kids... I have watched them grow into the most beautiful and loving children I could ever ask for.
I have had the ability to monitor that they do not watch trash on t.v. I have been there for their first days of school, field trips, and so on.... Awards days that mean so much to a child... The list goes on and on of the benefits... But none the less... To do this full time is not an easy task... I have never had a sitter other than occasionally gramma but I was insistent on taking care of it all , all by myself or with my hubby... " I wanted to raise my kids and it still continues even now that they are both in school....
There are those days as like you have said, " I even wish I had my old job back... But honestly that feeling never lasts long..." Materialistic things are just that... Those years with your family and growing you will never get back...
It is a personal decision and there is no right or wrong.... I hope the very best for you and your growing family.... ♥

Answer 5

Being a stay at home will be the hardest work you have ever had but it will be more rewarding than you could ever dream. You will be your child's foundation and the closeness you will develop will be great. Your husband will reap rewards from you both with this to.

You will miss the adult contact that you are use to but you can not ever understand how your child will be so happy to have mom. Years from now you will be told by this baby when he or she becomes an adult of how great it was to have a at home mom.

My wife and I did this with all our children and we would not have had it any other way. All of our children have said they were lucky because their friends didn't have what they had. Now they are older and already trying to figure out how when the have children how they can give their children the same. My wife did go back to work part time and she worked her schedule to fit when they were in school. She worked at the school they went to. I took a manager job that worked second shift so I would be home when she worked. Our children always had a parent at home when needed.

It was rough money wise but the pay back in love and closeness far out weigh everything.

Stay at home, MOM

Answer 6

If you have to give up some things and trim the budget a bit to live off your husband's salary but are able to stay at home with your baby, I highly recommend it. I also recommend scheduling your life a bit when you are home--looking at managing your home and caring for your baby as important responsibilities that deserve some energy and planning. To that end, plan in times to clean, do laundry, cook, and other household responsibilities as well as time to get together with other mom's, hang out at the park, or be involved in baby groups. This kind of purposefulness and planning with keep your new "job" from feeling meaningless or aimless and help you to feel a great sense of accomplishment.

Answer 7

Staying at home is a very hard job in and of itself. I speak from experience on both sides of the issue. If you continue to work it is every bit as hard.

While working you will have someone else watching your baby. That is hard. You still will have to worry about dinner, laundry, dishes, eventually kids homework. How helpful will your husband be? Will your employer be understanding when you have well checks at the Dr.'s. and when the little one is sick and you have to call in? Will you have enough sick/vacation time if you get sick too? Does daycare cost more than you make after taxes are taken out of your pay?

You can't worry about the just in case scenario. That means you are looking at your marriage as not quite solid. If your in it for the long haul you need to make the leap. Give your relationship with your husband and your new baby your full attention.

Just don't forget to take care of yourself along the way. Make sure Hubby knows you expect to still have adult time with him and time alone just for you. These are important things because once we become mommies we have a tendency to put ourselves last.

Congratulations on the little one!

Answer 8

Time as mom is so very important. It's a big, wonderful job. Spend as much time as a stay-at-home-mom as you can but let me tell you from experience, you NEED to have your own money! Don't rely 100% on your hubby or you may one day be very sorry. Work what you can...but I agree that being home with baby is #1, at least for the first 5 or so years.

Answer 9

If you treat being a mother like a chore that has to be done before you can get back to life, then it will be miserable. You will hate it, and your children will pick up on that. If you treat being a mother like it is your mission in life, your highest calling, and way more than a career, then it will be both better and harder than having a "job." There is so much more to know and so much more skill involved in being a real mother than in being just another drone.

As long as you don't act like just another baby sitter! There's a reason that baby sitters get paid peanuts. A baby sitter should be to a mother as a candy striper is to a neurosurgeon.

-yk

Answer 10

I have always been a workaholic. When I had baby one, I tried to work. It was more trouble than it was worth and after a while I didn't bother. It's easy to say you would just work but having a baby changes you so much that you can't account for your heartstrings until you experience them. Give yourself the permission too be a stay at home Mom. No reward is greater out in any workplace.