i am 23 years old and i am a mother 0f 3. before i had children i was 5'6 120 lbs now i am 180 lbs. i was mad at all the weight i had gained during and after the pregnancy. before i got pregnant i had always been active. since ive had my children everyone has had something to say about my weight. my husband had been the only one who told me i was beautiful no matter what until now! my youngest is 4 mos. old and my husband and i got into a heated argument and he told me that he thought i looked disgusting. of course it hurt my feelings.he said that was the reason why he looked at pornos. the same night he wanted to be intimate. (we didn't) he says a person doesnt need motivation to lose weight. he thinks he's helping me by criticizing. now i have no self esteem and he doesn't understand why. he thinks me saying i dont have any esteem is a cop-out for me to not try to lose weight. someone please help me understand is there something wrong with me?
2006-09-05 16:44:56 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
That was rude of him, i wouldnt give him anything for a long time.....
2006-09-05 16:57:01 · answer #1 · answered by ABBYsMom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing wrong with you, but self-esteem comes from within. It begins and ends with how you feel about you. Are you honest with yourself? OK. As for your weight. It takes about two years for your body to readjust after a pregnancy. Has it been two years? Not if your youngest is 4 mos. Your metabolic rate may be slowing a bit, so a sensible diet for your family is in order. Check with your ob-gyn, your pediatrician, and perhaps with a dietitian at the hospital where you delivered for sample diets and advice on eating healthier for all of you. Is hubby overweight at all? Your plan is for health, not somebody's Madison-Avenue opinion of what you should look like. He can't help buying into it when TV and acquaintances are feeding it to him, but opinions like that don't count. They're ill- or uninformed. Should you be mad at your husband? Only for not fighting fair in an argument.
2006-09-06 00:03:42 · answer #2 · answered by jelesais2000 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No there is something wrong with your critical husband.. it is very hard to lose weight after having kids. I bet he has gained weight since you have gotten married to..
have you gotten your tubes tied so you don't get pregnant again. or has he had his taken care of.. I had a problem losing weight because as soon as i did i got pregnant again so i didn't want to lose the weight for a while.
you will lose the weight when you are ready to lose it.. so don't worry..It took me two years to lose my weight after my 3 kids.
I went on and all meat diet.. everything i cooked was either broiled or baked . meat will fill you up where the other diets don't keep you full enough to not want something to eat all the time.
they have alot of diet aids out there that also curb your appetite.. i have tried alot of them and they don't work if you can't follow a diet so find something that you can do easily.. when you are consantly criticised about your weight it makes it even harder to lose your weight.. people don't seem to understand that.. and until you feel good about yourself you won't be able to lose it..
so be proud of your self for what you are doing. and how you are raising your kids and the rest will follow.. good luck and i hope the weight starts to melt away for you.. And yes i would be mad at him..
2006-09-05 23:58:45 · answer #3 · answered by Sandy F 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am going to be brutally honest but not in an offensive way i think it is unfair for a woman to have babies and then gain alot of weight because of it and not try to lose it or do anything about it after baby is born.People say its too hard it really isn't thats just an excuse because they are in their comfort zone and they think it doesn't matter anymore.I don't agree with the way your hubby came at you with the issue that was very hurtful and rude but you have to understand he is probably frustrated.People let things build up for so long and then they blow their top and say things they don't mean.However i would take it as a wake up call for you not for him do something about it because you know you are not happy being this way.So take charge of your life and prove him wrong.
2006-09-05 23:58:51 · answer #4 · answered by samwise25 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is something wrong with one of you but it's not you. There is a difference between encouraging someone to lose weight and insulting them. Your husband is being hateful and mean. If you are truly unhappy about the weight you have put on then try to lose the weight for yourself not for him. If you're ok with it than your husband needs to get over it. Was there anything in your wedding vows about promising to stay skinny even after giving birth to 3 children? You'll get payback when he hits his 40's and he starts gaining weight, losing his hair, and his sex life slows way down and it's his fault.
2006-09-06 00:05:02 · answer #5 · answered by Lisa M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing wrong with you, it is him, and our society and culture in how they view a person's physical appearance. You are a beautiful woman who created 3 perfect little lives, and they love you... that you should be proud of. I'd be pissed at him, he sounds like he's using your weight as an excuse to look at pornos, and that is unacceptable. If at all possible, I would leave him for awhile and make him know that you will NOT put up with being treated like that. You deserve to be treated with admiration and respect for the woman, wife, and mother that you are. Maybe with you gone for awhile, he'll realize how much he is taking you for granted. Sometimes people need a reality check.
Good luck hun, and remember...
self esteem comes from the inside, within yourself ;)
2006-09-05 23:59:46 · answer #6 · answered by AXeBaBe 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there is nothing wrong with you and there is nothing wrong with your husband, it is just two different people with different opinions, and remember when people are mad they sometimes say things that they dont mean just to make the other person angry. what helps me is to not talk about it then, each of you should agree to not talk for about an hour or so, when each one has had time to think and be cooled off and not mad, then talk about it.. tell him you want to lose weight and that you think it was wrong of him to say that your weight is why he looks at pornos.
it is very hard to lose weight, i know this, but there are different ways, tell him you cant do it without his help or support. I know you dont need his help or support to lose weight, but it sure does help alot, believe me.
this sounds like your husband was having a bad day, sounds like he does think your beautiful, but he was just trying to hurt your feelings. I would ask him to sit down and talk about it... communication always helps. but there is nothing wrong with you at all... dont let anyone tell you that
good luck
2006-09-05 23:54:02 · answer #7 · answered by penguin 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
there is nothing wrong with you, there is something wrong with HIM. What happened to loving someone for who they are? You're the mother of his children! You should be the sexiest woman in the world to him. Come on... your youngest child is FOUR MONTHS OLD. What time have you had for yourself? None.
Now, if you're gonna lose the weight, don't lose it for him, lose it for yourself. A man should never tell his wife that she looks disgusting.
2006-09-05 23:51:16 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
There ntg wrong w u...something wrong w him! He should b "expecting" his wife to put on weight aft birth...in the 1st place if he cant accept it y make u hv so "many" baby? He should b gladful tat u given u so "many" beautiful kids...n watever u hv done for him! He is being unappreciative la! Talk to him n make him realise tat this the "kind" of life n tell him to face it!
At the same time u may hv to do some "work out" on yr body nt cos of wat he hv said but it will b good for u....so tat u can b a proud n "sexy" mummy....
2006-09-05 23:51:41 · answer #9 · answered by D@ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is just wrong. My ex used to treat me like that. I wasn't pregnant but did gain a lot from sickness. I got better and kicked him to the curb after he cheated. That gave me motivation to lose 50 lbs. just to rub it in his face a year later. Cut him off, diet, excersize and keep cutting him off.
2006-09-05 23:59:08 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No offense but it sounds like you are feeling sorry for yourself.Don't lose weight for your husband,lose it for yourself and for those 3 kids who need and depend on you.As for your husband,men just don't understand how a woman works.No excuse for him to criticize you.Good Luck!!!!!
2006-09-05 23:55:35 · answer #11 · answered by Katherine B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋