My husband mentally abuses me. He is all the time upset at me for something and puts me down and calls me names. We have 3 children. I am so unhappy but yet scared to leave. I don't know if I could make it on my own. If I left him and took the kids and then asked for a divorce could he do something? I am scared he will do something crazy. I need help. How do I do this?
2006-09-05 16:11:20 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
First off slow down and Breathe!!! Ok.......now I just came out of the same kind of re-lationship, name calling and manipulation. Only we have two kids. I was unhappy cause he always yelled, called me the worst names, had everyone on pins and needles. I too was not happy, I left. My kids dont have any stress, they have changed in the two months that we have been gone. Why are you scared to leave? Has he ever hit you? Mine never hit me, but I just got to where i couldn't stand to be in the same room with him. The kids are the Highest priority here. Put them first, they don't need to see the un-happiness. Its not normal, nor do you want them to grow up thinking that being un-happy IS normal. Yes you can make it, My aunt left hers and raised her son with no child support, Nothing from the dead beat. She became a teacher, he is now 30 and is a cop. She owns her own house and has never driven a ran down car. You can do this! IF your scared he may do something crazy, then go to the police, get a restraining order, what ever makes you feel more safe. Show him you mean buisness. Journal from here on out every time he calls, every time he don't, every time he wants to make a visit and follows through, and even when he don't. Journal EVERYTHING. This is what my attorney told me. Also send him a certified return reciept with a letter telling him of your address and phone number, so that he can not say you kidnapped them. Then get counseling for the kids, and for you!! You can do this, I have faith. Feel free to email me!!
2006-09-05 18:58:32 · answer #1 · answered by zeena 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you may want to call a counseler and see. It would depend on the your income if he makes more than you, you may have to fight for the kids but if you make more than him you're fine because the mother usually gets the kids as is. Divorce is definitely an option but b4 you get one try marriage counseling both of you should go and maybe you can find out why he is always mad. It would be scary to leave but if it's in your best interest it's the only way to go. If you are really that scared about him doing something once you tell him about wanting a divorce talk to your conseler and see if he would advise a restraining order for you and your kids from him. I
2006-09-05 23:26:50 · answer #2 · answered by Ms. A-Rod 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are afraid of him hurting you, you need to go to a woman's shelter if you decide to leave him. They can help you, give you time to figure out what you want to do.
If you love him and want to stay, you need to talk him into seeing a marriage counselor to handle these issues.
For sure, you need to get it across to him that you will no longer take verbal abuse from him and stand your ground on this. It is easy to start believing abusers after having it pounded into your head for years. It is not easy to leave, if that is what you decide you want to do. The hardest part is packing your bags in earnest and taking that final step out the door. After that, the rest is easier.I think most women are scared at first, but they can no longer stay in the relationships, for whatever reasons. Have faith in yourself and your abilities. Take it one day at a time. As each day passes, you come to realize you are a pretty darn good person and are better off mentally and emotionally without the abuse. It is quite liberating. You can make it on your own. Don't fall into the trap of letting yourself be abused because it is easier financially. No amount of money is worth that torture.
Good luck
2006-09-05 23:25:40 · answer #3 · answered by Slimsmom 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should definitely move away, you always have family there to help. Staying with an abusive husband is totally bad for your health, and will be bad for your childrens health as well. Being scared is normal, but getting away can lead to something a lot worse than you missing that extra pizza meal every Thursday. There are things out there like child support and stuff to help you, cutting it off from your husband as fast as you can is the best thing possible for you -and- your children.
2006-09-05 23:14:28 · answer #4 · answered by winds_of_justice 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Before you leave him and take the kids, you need to call a lawyer, in secret, without letting him know. There are ones available that will give you free consults, but don't choose them based on the free consult alone, make sure you get a good one. A female lawyer once told me that when women who have kids leave their husb., they should get a female lawyer, who will think about things from more angles than their male counterparts, who will just be like "oh well, I'm sure they will be able to deal with that on their own somehow in the future". Also, if your scared about this, you can call a domestic violence center, and they will be able to give you advice that really helps, and can also help you with a free lawyer sometimes. Also, from my own personal experience, when I was a single mother, I felt like my daughter and I actually had more out of life, I got to choose what to spend the money on, I didn't have to put up with the bs that it sounds like your going through too, and I actually got more out of life. Now I am married to someone who has his own company, and makes good money, but I've got less now than I ever did, like freedom, happiness, even material things for my children and I, because he's the breadwinner, so his needs, wants, desires, everything comes before any other family member. I promise you, from someone who had been on both sides, that even though it's going to be a little tough at times, you WILL be able to do it, and you will be so much happier. (I'm leaving mine too). Also, you may need to pack your stuff in secret, if your scared, there's prob. a good reason. It will be especially important to pack up things like social security cards, birth certificates, etc and get them out of the house ahead of time. Good luck with this, and there are support groups out there, like the womens domestic violence center (or whatever name they go by) that will be an enormous help, even if all they do is supply information. (And if you live close to family that would help, that's great too!)
2006-09-05 23:36:38 · answer #5 · answered by ANGELa 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you at the bottom? If you are, then that is good for you because you really need motivation to get busy & get out of a sad, abusive, & unhealthy situation. If he's abusing you physically then call the police, if they find cause to arrest him, that will buy you time to get yourself & the kids out of the house & into a shelter, the cops should have info on shelters, or find a shelter on your own in your area, & get the support you need to start a life on your own. Call a lawyer, he/she can answer your questions about divorce, & also may be a good resource for shelters & other forms of support that you will need.
It's hard to think straight when you are all stressed out all of the time, so confide in a friend, family member, clergy, or anyone else you can think of that can offer help & advice.
Making it on your own can be tough, but I can't even begin to imagine how tough it is living a life of fear all of the time.
You can make it on your own, I see women who started out in the same place as you are right now, making it on their own just fine. Their only regret is that they waited so long to get out of their unhappy marriages.
You owe it to your kids to provide a safe, happy, & nurturing environment, & you owe it to yourself.
Good Luck!
2006-09-05 23:29:36 · answer #6 · answered by No More 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yrs ago i was in abusive relationship,mentally and physically one day i had enough i took my child when he went to worked and i was gone,it was hard at first but with god help i made it on my own and 5 yrs later i meet my second husband we've been married for 8 yrs now and he treat me like the queen that I'm.do you have anybody that you can to and asked for helped?.I was able to leave him at the time because i went out of state.good luck.
2006-09-05 23:34:46 · answer #7 · answered by jolie minouche 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Call your local Help line or the mental health agency in your community. They will get you connected with an abuse shelter. If you stay, don't complain and whine. Leave and give yourself and your children a brighter future!
2006-09-05 23:14:47 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to plan it first .Get a safe place picked and stay there .I am afraid for you too.You may need a restraining order if he acts crazy.Sometimes even though he calls names ect he may not be violent but I dont trust it so get far enough away .You can make it and the kids will be so much happier when mom is ! Think of them.
2006-09-05 23:22:15 · answer #9 · answered by jessy 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
if you have parents or grandparents go to them for help, if not sneak and save as much money as you possibly can, get a job and then an apartment without telling anyone. Make a good life for yourseld and your kids. If this is not possible fine a shelter for women, they take mentally abused wives also. Quit living like your living,LIFE IS TOO SHORT. hE IS TOO INSECURE AND NOTHING BUT A BULLY. tELL HIM WHEN HE CLOSES HIS EYES AT NIGHT YOU HAVE AN IRON SKILLET WITH HIS NAME ON IT.
2006-09-05 23:19:44 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋