I Do Not Know What To Do....?

Question

When I was fourteen I realised I was gay, I tried to deny it, until recently. Three months ago, a week after I turned eighteen, I got kicked out of my parents house, because I refused to end my friendship with John, after he "came out", but my friend John, who I have known since he was thirteen and I was eleven, has allowed me to stay with him since then.

Soon after getting kicked out, I realised that nothing is going to change me, I will always be gay, might as well accept it (was not easy to do, but I finally did), and I also recently have realised the feelings I have for my friend John, is more than friendship... and it scares me, I am not sure what I should do. I kind of just want to run off... But I do not think that would be the right thing to do...
:'-(

Answer 1

Your parents suck big time, go slowly and enjoy your new life without them.

Answer 2

Conor,
I left you a message on your 360. That was my first time doing that, so I have no idea where it went.

I wouldn't do anything that would split you two up right now. I hope that you both have jobs. If you don't, don't waste time, get that. After that, watch this storm blow over. You have an above normal friendship. I know this because you both stood your ground for the other.

As far as being Gay goes, what? What? You make it sound like you've got the plague or something. Did your arm fall off and you forgot to mention it?

You have a the best kind of friend and you are the best kind of friend. That doesn't happen to most people in a lifetime.

Count your blessings, dude.

If someone seems wise on this sight, someone that is really showing that they are tuned into you, see if they can be sent a message. I bet you've got a lot of people here at different times that have all kinds of great advice.

Peace to you.

Answer 3

I'm sorry you got kicked out. At least it was when you were 18, and not 16 or younger! As for what to do now? It's any body's guess. How does John feel about you? If he's your first gay friend, its easy to have special feelings for him that might not endure as you meet others, so don't make any hasty decisions. For now you have a safe place to stay. Even at 18, if you run away, you'll be on the streets, and that is not a good thing. Look for some other friends, get a job and save some money, and then start looking at what you can do for yourself.

Answer 4

You need to tell your friend John how you feel. Write your parents a letter telling them all and explaining your gay (they will probably already know!!) and in time they will come around you are there son and they will still love you they just might take a while to accept it.

The worst thing you can do is run and deny yourself who you really are if you do you will be doing this for the rest of your life.

xxxx

Answer 5

It's still tough to be different in society today. As far as we have come in some ways we have sayed in the 1950's in others. Take your parents for example. In 10 years your Mom will probably come around, but your Father probably never will. You see he's dealing with the fact that his offspring is gay. To him that might mean something genetic in him must have been to blame.

When my brother died of AIDs 15 years ago my Dad went through that. He didn't talk to anybody for weeks and never talked about Fred ever again. But that's not your problem, is it? Your problem is do you accept the feeling you have for your friend and possibly fall in love and live a happy life, or do you waste the precious little time you have on this earth worrying about what other people think?

Look inside yourself for the answer. Your not going to find it in any of the answers on this page. Answers like that can only be found inside the people asking the question.

Answer 6

Your other feelings for John are probably love, but not of the 'in love' type.

If you do want to run off, don't be afraid to do it. Now you're eighteen you can do whatever makes you happy. Invite John along if that would help. One day your parents might come round to the idea of you being gay, but to be honest they do seem like hopeless cases. Nevertheless, you will find happiness.

Lots of hugs and kisses oxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Answer 7

Hey kid,

It would not be the right thing to do, and it would not help you or him.

Tell him how you feel. Does he have a boyfriend? Do you want to be his boyfriend? Good friends make the best lovers -- and being with someone can last forever. Jonathan and I mark 15 years together in January. He tried to seduce me when he was 17 and when I was dense, he humped my leg -- we've never looked back, and we are deleriously happy.

You will have to deal with all the internalized self-hatred that your parents bequeathed you. You may think that you already have, but you haven't. In your position I would break off contact with them until I'd dealt with all the baggage.

Start by dealing with how you feel about John -- tell him you are in love with him, or at least that you are gay.

If you need to talk, email me.

Kind thoughts, I'm here for you if you need me,

Reyn
[e-mail]

Answer 8

It's hard, especially in a world that can sometimes be so cruel about it. It isn't an easy road to walk, but there is nothing wrong with being gay. You are still just as human as everyone around you. You feel the same wind blowing at your back and you're still touched by the same things. As for John...you might try talking to him about your feelings. If you're as good of friends as it sounds like, then he'll be both understanding and patient. I doubt it would hurt your friendship. Good luck!

Answer 9

eighteen that's a hard age without added stress.OK well first take everything real slow with your friend john. If it works out cool if not and ya take it slow and be completely honest you should still have a friend when its over.Second call your parents and ask to have lunch with them just you and them. Some times people let there emotions get the best of them and after time they cool off and think about things.Even parents your still there son and sooner or later there love for you should overcome all else .Might take some time and more than one effort.hey and good luck and no matter how confusing strange and troublesome this all feels.NOTHING LASTS FOREVER NOT EVER YOUR WORRIES.keep looking on the brite side.

Answer 10

Why do you want to run off? You don't have to and you certainly don't need to. Firstly you should probably sit down with John and tell him how you are feeling about him, you are living together and it could get awkward. If he is a true friend, then he will not let this get in the way of your friendship.

Second you need to come out to either one, or both of your parents. If you tell them and they don't agree then it is their loss, although they may accept it, you don't know till you try.

If you run now you will set precedent for the rest of your life. Face your problems head on (it gets easier as you get older) and people are much more likely to respon how you want them to.

Answer 11

You say you want to run off ... I think that you and your friend should agree a 'time-out' for a week or so, to help you both process all that's happened - after all, it's been a hectic time. It would be better for both of you if you could go away for this time, just to another friend (platonic friend of the non-sexual variety, just to be clear on this :-)...).

As for your parents, well, I suppose it is a bit of a shock for them to discover this, but parents do eventually get over this kind of shock. You could try to reopen lines of communication with them, but maybe not just yet ... whenever it feels like the right time.

Best of luck with it.