I have been married for over 12yrs my husand and I both decided we were not met to be parents. Now when people find out we do not have children by choice, they thing we are not normal. Or they say that I am not a real women unless I have children, or they want to know why I don't have any. Should I feel abnormal because we decided not to have children?
2006-09-05 14:08:15 · 32 answers · asked by Brezzy 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I know people make comments like the ones described above and it makes me very angry! It goes to show you exactly how stupid people are, and, to think, those dumb people are reproducing!
Statistics would support the fact that it is the norm for married people to have children. However, and people ignorant enough to make the above comments surely wouldn't understand this, normal does not mean right, correct, the only way, etc.
It is absolutely crap for anyone to suggest that you are less of a woman because you have decided not to have kids. The lesser woman is the woman who has unplanned children, has children that she cannot support financially and emotionally, etc. Oh, I could go on and on.
You shouldn't feel bad at all. It is your life and you made a decision that was right for you and that is all that matters.
I could seriously write you a short book on how I feel about this subject, but I will spare you.
How do you respond to those comments? Those comments are so hateful and mean, but I find it hard to respond back in a mean manner. Obviously, the situation is much easier for me since I am a man, but it still makes me want to say dirty things in response, but I never do.
I wish you the best. Don't let stupid people make you do something that you dont want to do just to please their ignorant ways.
2006-09-05 14:47:48 · answer #1 · answered by Cing 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
No, do not feel abnormal. I am in the same situation as you. People think I'm selfish or strange because I don't want to have kids. Frankly, the way the world is screwed up today, I feel thankful that I chose not to have children. Things are a whole lot different than when I was a kid. There are websites devoted to this choice and as the population ages, this is becoming more and more accepted.
Actually the only regret that I have is that there will be no one to care when I die. Other than that, there are no regrets.
Google "childfree by choice" and see what you get.
2006-09-05 14:13:14 · answer #2 · answered by Sabina 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No you should not feel abnormal because you are not abnormal. Why join the big crowd of folks who probably regret they did have children only because of social pressure. My brother and sister have been married for 17 years and chose not to have children, and she-- my sister in law is certainly 'a real woman' I know many other couples who choose not to have children and I wish people would not bug them about it. Keep to your own principles and good luck.. ( I had /have children-and not sure I was not the best parent in the world !).
2006-09-05 14:15:19 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Hell no! My husband and I have been married for 2 1/2 yrs and we still don't have children yet and it is our choice not to have them yet.
I'm 21, he's 23 and we want to enjoy being childless for a while.
Don't worry about what people say. I know it can get irritating when people constantly comment and asks why u don't have a child yet but it's none of their business. Just live your lives and let the comments in one ear, out the other. Besides, this world is already overpopulated and we don't have to contribute to that.
2006-09-05 14:12:42 · answer #4 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Hell no- I am the same way- people act like your a freak for not having a baby as soon as a man is secured, but glare longingly when they hear about your recent trip to Rome or amazing new sex, or night out with the girls--or the promotion, or new degree, or new painting you just finished, or the family member you flew to see- or when they see the smile on your face each day while they seethe over the husband who constantly cheats and how their teenager is stealing from their purse to buy their boyfriend clothes, or why didn't they go to college--considering the over population of the planet, the fact that 75% of people walking around are unplanned and /or unwanted, the fact that 50% of marriages end in divorce and 44% of men cheat---is breeding really all there is to a real life experience? sometimes you have to love your child enough not to have them----------------or at least really want and plan for them as all children deserve but rarely get-----
2006-09-05 15:50:27 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
No because that yr choice but i which i had that choice have been married for 8 yrs but unable to conceive but will love to just had an ivf and the result was neg but some people would think I'm crazy to for going through something like that but this is what i wanted and i don't think I'm abnormal because of it.
2006-09-05 14:15:49 · answer #6 · answered by jolie minouche 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
NO, and do not let anyone tell you are wrong in your decisions. Only you and your husband know how you feel and I would not let other people try to dictate my life.
I commend you on deciding on this decision not to have children. I love my 3 children to death. But if I knew then what I know now - I woulda been like you and your husband also. I surely would not have brought children into this world as it is today.
Kudos to you and your husband.
PS. Let the other people know that harass you about this, that there ARE people on your side about this.
2006-09-05 14:13:12 · answer #7 · answered by debi_0712 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Nope, there's not a thing wrong with you. Some people simply don't want to have kids. And you know what? Good for you for realizing that and not having them simply because people tell you you "should".
You're also not alone. The advice columns are full of letters from people whose friends and family somehow can't mind their own business. The raleighnokidding.com article below isn't so great, but it's evidence that you have plenty of company.
Best of luck!
2006-09-05 14:39:25 · answer #8 · answered by IrritableMom 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It sad this day and age that when people marry, they think you have to have children. No you not abnormal for not having children plenty have them for the wrong reason, because they think that is what expected of them. In your case when anyone ask you if you don't have kids and why? that their problem. You don't have to comform to their idea of a marriage means children.
2006-09-05 14:14:13 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You are not abnormal. I wish more people would make the decision not to pass on their genes. Just because you are married does not mean you must have children.
2006-09-05 14:12:18 · answer #10 · answered by The Pulverizer 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋