Why do people think your weird or boring for not going to clubs/pubs?

Question

I have no interest in that kind of lifestyle, I don't drink, smoke or want a 'bit of fun' with some guy I've just met. I also hate crowded places as I'm quite shy. So I tell people I don't go clubbing, then they ask why and make a big deal out of it! I'm sure I'm not the only 20 something who'd rather chill out at home, see a movie or go for a meal?? It is very annoying. Now I have this workmate telling someone that she's going to get her daughter to take me out on the town one night, yet I've told her I don't like these places. I can't win.

Thank you for all your answers, it's nice to know there are others like me who don't follow the crowds! I just hear it so much how people my age should be going out, so I was beginning to think I was the only one, but I now know that's not the case.

Answer 1

Same here! People in general like others to conform to a certain pre-set lifestyle, and some will go to great lengths to enforce conformity.

Be yourself. If you enjoy a quiet night in, then why force yourself to squeeze into noisy, smoky places? Being shy is not a crime, and everyone is entitled to be their own self.

Answer 2

These people have no imagination or they are so sheep like they think everyone else should be the same. Personally I always loved pubs with my friends and clubs for dancing (something I have always liked, but I never liked either if they were too crowded (rock concerts for example), clubs could also be a bit boring, noisy or intimidating, I like to talk. I always felt a bit envious/intimidated by people like yourself - because they always seemed more sophisticated and adult than me. Now that I am sophisticated and adult ofcourse it doesn't worry me! It does sound annoying, patronising and presumptuous of your work mate saying she's going to get her daughter to 'take you out' as if you were a puppy or something!

Seriously though it is all about being yourself isn't it? You will probably always be fairly shy if that is your nature But I am guessing that the older you get the more self confident you will become and you will not feel so uncomfortable in crowded places. Who knows maybe you will even get to really enjoy some aspects of the lifestyle that currently feels so alien to you. We should never limit ourselves or stereotype ourselves, life has many aspects and you sound like an intelligent, thoughtful person who could make the best of all that life has to offer. Good luck.

Answer 3

I think your choice of not spending your free time at these noisy, smokey places is perfectly normal. Society and the media is glamourizing the party animal lifestyle and putting pressure on people to conform to this lifestyle. I guess the whole thing is probably put together by fashion stores, breweries, pharmaceuticals, and funeral parlours. These are the industries that reap real rewards from people getting dressed up, getting drunk, getting sick and finally losing their life.

There's nothing wrong with being shy. We are constantly reminded by the media that popular people are lively, bubbly extroverts and they are more fun to be with. This may be true but what do you want from the company of a really good friend, is it just fun and nights after nights of getting drunk and wild? There must be moments when you need listening, support, understanding and sympathy and a shy person is probably more likely to offer these whereas a lively extroverted partygoer is usually too busy with her social activities to give her friends such high quality company. I think on the whole, outgoing people are more popular and make good guests if you invite them to a party. You can be sure that their presence will bring fun to everyone. However, I find shy people make great, lasting friends, although it may take a long time for them to feel connected. I think we should all be valued, whether we are outgoing or shy. If everyone is a wild party animal, the world will be too rowdy and things won't get done. We need the sobriety of shyer people who are willing to contribute their talents and service to the world in their quiet, low key ways.

About your colleague, yes, it's annoying that people assume that you are boring or missing out on anything just because you prefer quiet nights in. However, I think she's genuinely doing what she believes is good for you so don't get angry with her. Just tell her you've got a date, or you're going out with a very good friend, visiting your family or staying at home to wait for an important long-distance call. If you can't bring yourself to tell her these harmless white lies, then just say you need a quiet night in. It's too blunt to say "shut up, none of your business" to someone who really means good.

Answer 4

You are not weird for not wanting to go to crowded pubs and clubs, I can't see why anyone gets any enjoyment out of those places either, they set off on a Friday night, dressed to death and killed with fashion, b i t c h about who looks like what, pour drink down their necks all night long, while been pushed and shoved about because everywhere is so crowded, smoke their heads off, head off for a club to drink even more and try to dance half cut, come out of a club almost comatose with drink, go for a taxi, either get sick in it or fall asleep in it, fall into bed, wake up with a stinking headache and say, I had a brilliant night, do the self same thing again the night after and say the same thing, had a brilliant night, god how sad is that, I hated clubs and pubs at your age, still do, still get called a bore by my so called friends for not getting off my head of a weekend, I don't drink, tried it hated it, have better things to do with my life than spend money pouring drink down my neck and whinging for the rest of the month I have no money, you just be what you want to be and ignore the sad ones who think that is all life has to offer them.

Answer 5

I also live like you now with the same views on those things.The only difference being...I'm a recovering alcoholic a reformed criminal, I've had more fights than I can remember,Ive had std's off girls i didn't know,I gambled money away that wasn't mine,I wasn't able to drive a car until now and most of the last 20 years was a mad blurr!So for those reasons i dont blame you but i think you are being over cautious.You need to push yourself more and find out who you are. The best way to get over shyness is to put yourself in slightly uncomfortable(for you)situations with people and get used to it developing your self esteem. Be daring...it's good for you! But if you just want the really quiet life then you will probably have to put up with peopl like your workmate as they think they have your best interest at heart and maybe they do!

Answer 6

I am shy in crowds too. I don't like nightclubs. I don't like drinking (other than with a small group of friends on special occasions.) I hate smoking (at least that one is being sorted next year!)The problem is, when you go to these places, you feel the odd one out, but the reality is, the majority do not go to them either. Just think about the numbers

Answer 7

I hated clubbing. I always felt like I was in a cattle market or on display for the guys. I stopped going and let others do their thing. Once they have met someone they really like most girls steer clear of clubs anyway cos they worry their man will be tempted. Clubbing is a phase that passes. You do not have to indulge, soon most of your mates will be like you (and I) and will want to go for meals etc. Those still clubbing as they approach late 20s to 30 just look sad and desperate.

Answer 8

You definately CAN win. It's your will power to say NO and no one, can force you or carry you to places that are of no interest to you. I am similar to you in many ways, i may be older now, but when i was younger, i have never gone for clubbing, never smoke or even try smoking, never sipped any alcoholic drinks, or even had 'fun'. I am proud to be who i am now, and trust me I have not regret anything. you can always tell your workmate that you have to visit your family members or rather you are not feeling well, to avoid the invitation. stay the way you are, you may be 1 in a million lady... its difficult to find someone like you. remember you are precious and absolutely nothing is wrong with you.

Answer 9

They'll get tired... they'll finally understand that's your decision. My husband, who's now 25, has never liked club or pubs. At the beginning I thought I was weired. But I got it right away! He doesn't drink, doesn't smoke, he don't like to dance in front of a whole bunch of strangers either!!!! Then, I found out there's a lots of other things we can enjoy together. Don't feel wired or bad. They like clubs you don't... so what?! They're just following the crowd! Enjoy your life the way u like it! Life the fullest! Take care ;)

Answer 10

Often its because you aren't fitting in with their plans. Their view of the world. Their social grouping.

I simply think its because they're afraid you have a life.

I'm 30 and don't go to clubs and have only been in a pub on a couple of occasions. I'd prefer to spend time doing something constructive than wasting money, and seeing who can look the worst during a night out.

What is the attraction of them anyway?

Answer 11

When I was a party animal (17 - 20) I thought the same way as them. Binge drinking, smoking / cannabis etc. casual sex and a lot of one night stands. Later when I was 20 years my vision on life changed and found out I don't need these things to be happy. I learned to be happy with me!. So I don't think you can change their minds anyhow and if they find you boring ... so what? I lost all my so-called friends when I stopped clubbing, it hurt me a lot but at least I discovered they didn't care about me as I cared about them they just wanted to have another fool on the dancefloor. Good riddance.