problem is my husband always says I am the only woman he loves, so I was over confident to be absent at home for job, and I found 18 sexy used women underpants hidden in his jacket's pocket in wardrobe for 10 years, because I did respect his privacy, never touch anything not belong to me, and that's is A REWARD from my true love, I cried and cried ... what can I do, my problem is I do love him I never want to lose him, I waited for him stop talking with his friend in livingroom, I call him come into bedroom, and showed him all underpants I displayed on our marriage bed, -"darling, please tell me what are these" - He kept quiet and grabbed all putting in plastic bag, I forced him to BURN right away in the garden, and after many black cold days, I tried to make him confess, but he kept avoiding to answer, and then one day he said because when I was not home he felt LONELY and thought I never care about him - make excuse - what kind of punishment I should do to him I wait for good advices
2006-09-05 13:31:08 · 31 answers · asked by Neighbour 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I suggest you forgive him unconditionally. That is if you want the marriage to still go on.
2006-09-05 13:35:28 · answer #1 · answered by sexonsight 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think what he did to you was extremely wrong. There is no excuse for what he did to you. However, your wanting to know what kind of punishment you can give back to him isn't right either. It will only cause more problems, which in turn will probably lead him to do more of his stuff behind your back. Listen, two wrongs don't make a right. You need to decided in your heart if you want to stay with him or not. If you decide to stay, then you to have to find a healthy way of dealing with this issue. Obviously, it is a serious one, and one that doesn't need to be swept under the rug. Let things cool down, and have some serious heart to heart communication. Try not to yell, cause that will close down any open talk that you are having.
2006-09-05 20:51:18 · answer #2 · answered by Evie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He says you're the only woman he loves. Fine. But, he shows his love by keeping other women's underwear as trophies??? 18 pairs? Unless you are stupid, you must conclude that he cheated with either 18 different women, or 18 times with one woman. At least 18. Heaven only knows how many more he slept with. Perhaps he slept with women many times, but only kept one pair from each woman, no matter how many times he slept with each. A man wanting to make his marriage work shouldn't keep underwear as trophies. Madam, he is not worth keeping. Do you think he'd forgive you, were he to discover similar trophies that you'd been saving? You certainly may stay married, but if you do, you may as well accept that he's going to keep sleeping with others. Why wouldn't he? If you don't divorce him for 18, why would 118 be any different? Or 518. Just how many are you prepared to accept? You know what you should do. You should have enough pride and self respect to require your spouse to be faithful. Divorce is the correct answer.
2006-09-05 21:17:08 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You know only you can decide what to do but if I were you I would let him go its about your happiness not his .. We as women are always forgiving of men and they treat us so bad I say end the cycle (he cheat you forgive and so on) when are you going to wake up cause he ain't sorry for hurting you and in your bed he don't even respect you!! Just think about it what will he do if you were to have something on the side then how will he feel he don't deserve you there are a lot of nice guys out there I think it will be better to go out and live your life and find someone that can put a real smile on your face !! Haven't you had enough crying!!!
2006-09-05 20:50:20 · answer #4 · answered by classy chic 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you sure ? You know they could be his panties. What other proof do you have that he has been cheating.
In fact I would be willing to bet the panties are his.
True story; My best friend was very upset because she kept finding long black hairs on the bathroom floor (she's a Blonde, so is he). Turns out they were from his wig. Yes, and he had panties and false eyelashes and lipstick too! So find out, maybe hes a cross dresser. Way more fun than a cheating husband!
2006-09-05 20:47:56 · answer #5 · answered by neelyohara2004 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What kind of punishment? Don't worry about punishing him. Get a divorce from him. I know u love him but it's very stupid of u to keep staying with him because all you're doing now is giving him the message that it's okay with u and if he feels that you're not going to leave, he will do it again. So...make your decision and if I were u, I wouldn't put up with it.
By the way: his excuse of "I got lonely" is the lamest thing I've ever heard!
2006-09-05 20:42:34 · answer #6 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Make him get counseling if he completes a set amount the counselor sets for him to be "better" from his middle aged crises. Then I would say sure why not, he is your husband, and the truth is people cheating happens more often then not these days. Also find out how you can spice up your sex life with him so he has less of a desire to go snooping somewheres else.
2006-09-05 20:46:10 · answer #7 · answered by erinjl123456 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel for you sweetie but if you stay you're saying to him: "Do whatever you want with me, I'm worthless!" This guy doesn't love you or respect you. Think about it what kind of love is this??? It's missing everything that matters: trust, responsibility, taking the weight for your choices and feelings, and spending the rest of your life living up to them. And above all, not hurting the object of your love. Leave him and don't look back. Good luck with your new life!
2006-09-05 21:02:52 · answer #8 · answered by Belladonna 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If him feeling lonely is all it takes for him to cheat on you. Kick him to the curb! What if he gets loney again? What if you should have to spenmd a week or more in a hospital? What happens if for some reason you could not have sex any more? He is a very weak person.A wimp! And did I mention he's an all around jerk?
2006-09-05 20:35:55 · answer #9 · answered by Jo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to worked on yr self esteem because there's is no way i would be able to forgive my husband after some sh#$ like that.your talking about punishment are you kidding yr self because you only allowed people to treat you the way you want to be treated,don't think I'm a b#$%^ but once a cheater always a cheater.
2006-09-05 20:48:23 · answer #10 · answered by jolie minouche 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its not about punishment, its about valuing yourself as a person, a whole person who did not deserve to be betrayed. First thing you need is counseling. If you decide to stay in this marriage, you need to learn to forgive, forget and trust him again, otherwise it will never work. Your other option is to leave.
Don't take him so serious when he says it was your fault, in reality, he cheated, he made the choice, for good or bad, and he walked the line knowing his marriage was at stake.
Once again, let me re-iterate, you need counseling, if only so that you can work out your own issues.
2006-09-05 20:39:00 · answer #11 · answered by cinquefoil_solis 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋