My wife had an emotional affair this summer with a married guy. She said she ended it because she was afraid it was getting out of hand...she may have been falling for the guy. Married 16 years with 3 kids, she was afraid of losing everything. She said the problem was our relationship (no doubt it wasn't great the last few years)...not the guy.
Six weeks and lots of counseling later, she still thinks about this guy....and she wants a trial separation.
I'm OK with the separation, I'm even OK if she wants to pursue the other guy (even though he's supposedly trying to salvage his own marriage).
We both want to work things out, & the counseling seems to help, but I can't help wondering...Is this guy the main obstacle?
If so, will she be able to get over him and find the love she once had for me?
2006-09-05 13:20:29 · 7 answers · asked by hellsbells 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It does sound like the guy is the obstacle, however, it doesn't sound like one that will be there for very long. she was seeking out something (someone) that wasn't you and she found it. He does for her what she feels you don't, whatever that may be. I think if the counseling is helping as you say it is, she will take her time and make her decision, it was fun, but it's still not you. she may even be doing it for the attention.
I did the same thing to my husband 2 years ago, I wanted the attention so i started an emotional affair with my best friend. He is married with 2 kids. At that point I didn't care who I hurt, I just wanted attention, then I came clean to my husband to see what he would do. He stepped up to the plate and confronted the guy.
After all was said and done, it made me realize my husband still loved me regardless of what I did, he did his duty as my husband, and I did tell him I did it for the attention.
We have since moved on and forward in our relationship.
A step back gave us a life forward.
2006-09-07 09:59:00 · answer #1 · answered by ~SSIRREN~ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't sound like it. And thats just being honest, I'm not trying to hurt your feelings or anything but I think but it sounds like the counseling reallly isn't helping. It sounds like she already has heer mind made up.. She says she wants a trial separation but what the hell is a trial separation. A separation is a separation and a divorce is a divorce, and thats what you need to get is a divorce. Don't let her keep playing you. Good Luck
2006-09-05 21:16:56 · answer #2 · answered by flutterby 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, he's not the "main" obstacle but he's part of it. The main obstacle are the "issues" in your marriage and without knowing u or your situation, I'm in no position to tell u what those issues are.
Just think: If it's not "him" it could be another guy in his place and unless your wife decides to help u work on your issues, u need to start looking out for yourself.
2006-09-05 20:32:31 · answer #3 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like she wants out, but doesnt want to lose the meal ticket, house, car etc......i'd be more blunt and direct with her, obvoiusly you've put the time in to try and save the marriage, but this just sounds like when the bloke she persues says something that gives her hope of a relationship with him she inturn wants a trial seperation with you, but when he shows her less attention and doesnt give her hope she runs back to you saying she wants to rekindle the relationship with you.
2006-09-05 20:33:14 · answer #4 · answered by Aussieblonde -bundy'd 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is only one way to find out, and you appear to be on the road of that way. I hope you both play close attention to your children and how this is effecting them. It's not just about you and her; I think you know that.
2006-09-05 20:27:52 · answer #5 · answered by Tad Dubious 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your both thinking the same way! you are fine with her with another guy! Well looks like it doesnt matter about him to you that much! Both give it up or start careing!
2006-09-05 20:28:58 · answer #6 · answered by jessy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe your marriage is over, if she cant get over this guy your screwed...
2006-09-05 20:44:32 · answer #7 · answered by ABBYsMom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋