My boyfriend is an alcholic..what do i do.....?

Question

I love my boyfriend very much but...these past 10 months have been very draining on me emotionaly. He says he will change then goes back to drinking shots in the morning and sneeking alcohol when he thinks iam not looking. Iam always feeling like a mother figure at 23 and tired of crying and telling him to stop...i told him i would leave him many times if he does not back off..he said he would but still continues! Last night i finally packed up and left.. but he cried and told me he had a problem for the first time and i was happy he admited it finally.He said he loves me and does not want to lose me and he would stop..he does not hurt me phyciaclly but emotionaly iam drained...what should i do?

Answer 1

Bottom line?????? Leave the bum.
You're not going to change him and he's not going to change unless he's ready after he hits rock bottom. You're too young and smart to go through this emotional roller coaster ride. He may not be hurting you physically but his drinking habits will take a toll on you in the long run.

Answer 2

I was married to a man with alcoholism for 13 and 1/2 years. He finally died of Cancer , which originated in the liver. No matter HOW much you love each other, he will drink until he decided not to. NOTHING you say or do can help him. HE has to help himself. You will be VERY SORRY if you marry him. Start going to Alanon, now!!! There are good meetings, there are bad meetings. It is the sister group to AA; for people who are affected by someone else's drinking. It saved me. I will never again get involved with a man who has this disease. It made my life a roller coaster of emotions. It hurt my health and my self esteem. I could go on forever. Please do not get caught up in the romantic side of this man. If he is an active alcoholic,there is trouble. If he chooses to be a recovering alsoholic, there are no guarantees. Save yourself a life of misery. Wish him well and walk away.

Answer 3

i am going to speak from experiece here. I smoked a lot of weed when i was with my ex. She always said little things to me to suggest she was getting fed up with it and she would like me to stop. I never really took her seriously and even though i may have backed off for a couple of days within a couple more days i was back to my old ways. Eventually that combined with other minor issues she completely broke down and left me saying she couldnt be with someone like me. I guess it left me wondering why if she really loved me why she wouldnt have told me how much it was really affecting her and how close she was to leaving me.

It killed me when she left but it also cleaned me up because i realised just what an idiot i had been. She saw my improvement and thought it was wonderful however we havent yet got back together and may never. So i suppose what i am saying is if you really love this guy, tell him this cant continue but you will support him and help him get better but will not tolerate a relapse. If he really loves you he will cut out the deciept and lies and really try and clean his crap up. all the best.

Answer 4

The best thing for you to do for him is to leave. He will then no you are serious about his quiting. If he cries, don't let that stop you. Your life will be hell with him unless he stops. At his age, he has alot of years ahead to live in misery of alcohol. You need to realize one thing, this is a drug. He may not be able to quit on his own. You can still leave and support him. Let him know you would attend meeting with him and help him get the help he needs. If you love him and want this to work out, then do something for yourself. Go online to
http://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org/?Media=PlayFlash
find AL A NON meetings for you. That is for a loved one of an alcoholic. Then find meetings for him and just give them to him. He has to do this, you can't do it for him. But it will probably take you leaving and him seeing you aren't just threatening. Be hopeful - if he loves and he can beat it. If he doesn't then more than likely it will kill him. And he needs to realize that. Good Luck to you.

Answer 5

Either go to counseling yourself (analon) so you can learn how to deal with his alcoholism, or leave him! BUT, I know what situation your in, its hard to leave someone when you love them. AT LEAST you know and can understand that he does have a disease!

Hopefully he can be checked into a rehabilitation center, and get his alcoholism under control. ALSO, remember that relapsing is apart of recovery! I happy to see that he has admitted his problem.

Since you are not legally bound together though, I would think twice about giving up your life for this man, you are only 23! You have so many years for happiness, so don't waiste them!

Answer 6

first take yourself to the nearest al-anon group, the support group for friends and families of alcoholics. great organization. been there myself.

second, he keeps doing what he's doing because you don't do what you say you will. if you say you will leave him, then LEAVE him and don't look back. why should he change anything? you stay anyway! essentially, he has you right where he wants you.

third, you are not his mother. he's a big boy. if he doesn't want to stop drinking, nothing you say or do will change that. he has to do it.

and last, emotional or mental abuse is far worse than physical. those wounds rarely heal.


good luck to you. i've been down that road and it's tough.

Answer 7

My heart goes out to you because you are so young and you are in for a very rough ride with this boyfriend. I agree, that the first step is that he has admitted to a problem, but this is a problem that is a serious disease with the potential for relapse after relapse. Obviously, he needs help and you need help if you decide to stay to help him. But, I dont hold out any hope at this point...sorry...but have seen this situation over and over again. You are not going to want to hear this from me, but I would say, move on....for your own self-preservation. Good luck.

Answer 8

My friend, george, said that there are only two reasons someone drinks to excess: 1. emotional pain or 2. physical pain. My husband was a drinker and the same thing happened to us. He went to AA and they couldn't or wouldn't help. Basically, his is emotional childhood pain. He has to recognize that his parent/s disappointed him and hurt him, not you. You may not be able to fix it. It's sorta not your choice. My cousin got remarried and her son was fast becoming an alchoholic but his new step father moved in with him for 2 months and went everywhere with him. Walked him to his classes and back and walked him to work and back, they slept together, ate together and the new stepdad never left his side for as long as it took. It worked. It took him 2 months but he did it for his new wife and new son. The young man was in college and because his stepdad would not desert him thru tantrums, crying, pain and even gave him baths for the pain... he survived. Even though he was newly wed, he left his new bride to save her son. It needs to be same sex to do this. Not everyone is able to leave their work to devote such attention... do you know of someone? I didn't I lost my husband. I couldn't stand alnon as they taught secrecy and loving someone who can't love back. He just can't. He's probably not working and you are. You are exhausted. Maybe he should write everyday and you review his writing from afar. If he wrote all day, perhaps he would be too busy to drink. Maybe he would learn how to express himself. I'm sorry. I was sorry for us too. It is a slow painful death. He can't stand to feel. If he feels he will lose it. We need to feel everything from the first breath of the day to our toes tingling with the heat of the earth. good luck but you need relief.

Answer 9

he is playing with your emotions and he will continue if you take him back or stay with him. He needs serious drinking help and you will never change him of that. he needs to admit to him self first he is a bad drinker then get the help . you Will never be happy or be able to control his drinking. it comes from him not wanting to. not you wanting him to and some times heavy drinkers do get mean and some times violent.

Answer 10

You have to stop being codependent, it isn't your problem it is his. I was told my a social worker that when our loved ones are codependent, we become so self involved that we drain ourselves. He has to come to grip on his own. If you come to grip for him, he will fall off the wagon and continue to disappoint you. There is a meeting for people that are with people that have addictions. I think it is al-anon or something