I have been married for 5 months now. I am 27 (with a 7 year old who lives with her mother) and she is 20 with a 4 year old. I am currently a full time college student (making a little money since I am a veteran) and she works full time. We have huge debts (which is killing our marriage), but she insists on wanting a baby! She is "sooo" ready to have one and I keep on saying I wanna wait. My reasoning is we are NOT financially ready to start our own family! Money is a huge problem and she has been throwing this in my face "You can't give me anything I want. A house or a child!"
Am I wrong for feeling like this? Wanting to wait since our marriage has been very, very rocky since the beginning. My goal is to have a house and start a family by the time I turn 30. And she has known that since the beginning! I keep on asking her to be patient!
2006-09-05 12:30:30 · 11 answers · asked by Mr. Stuart 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
did you all not discuss these matters before marriage? my husband and I had goals for our marriage. wait 5 yrs before kids, by that time we were in heavy debt ( 6 yrs in we were drowning in debt ) and we decided NO baby until the debt was gone and we bought our first house. 6 yrs after that discussion we pulled ourselves out of 35k debt, bought our new house, 2 months after that I was pregnant with our son,5 months after my son was born our daughter was conceived. Our kids are now 2.5 yrs old and 17 months old
DONOT bring a baby into your already stressed marrige of only 5 months and heavy debt and you going to school. BABY does not make it easier.
I applaud you for wanting to go about it the right way, babies are not expensive *( well that depends on how much you spend on them =) she already has a child right ? so why does she want another one, shes 20 yrs old, theres time to have another baby. My son wasnt born til I was almost 32~
GOod luck and keep saying NO if you dont want a baby yet. IF she loves you she will understand that bringing a baby into an already stressful situation is not healthy. Stick to your goal~
GOOD LUCK
2006-09-05 12:40:04 · answer #1 · answered by wilowdreams 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok. Honestly I think that you are right. If you have a baby right now , it will intensify the stress level you are already experiencing. Your wife sounds like me and the way that I was. I wanted everything now. We got pregnant in August of 2005, bought a home in November of 2005 as our now expanded family will need more room, had the baby in May 2006 and got married July 2006. It is very stressful financially because I make the majority of the money. Child care is not cheap. We are still playing catch up and the more we play the more stressful it seems to be. It would really be better to wait. I don't regret my baby at all. I just wish we had done it a little differently. She is still young and not really thinking.
2006-09-05 12:35:09 · answer #2 · answered by erotic_songbird 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Age, and the fact that he may really be tired from work. This is a common problem in marriages, so U R not alone in this situation. Make sure U R cooking well and feeding him lots of good organic foods, as well as whole grains, because they give more true energy than fast foods and commercially prepared meals. Also talk to him about this without nagging of course. Send him love notes or make dates by hiring a baby sitter -- that can do wonders.
2016-03-26 23:31:14 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's called bait and switch.
She either told you she was happy with the plans you both made for the future, Or you made promises you couldn't keep.
One of you was confused about the future when you got married, This shows you have poor communication in your relationship - And you obviously can't have known this girl as an adult very well before marrying her seeing as she's only 20 years old!
I don't suggest bringing more children into this mess - Even if you win lottery and become a millionaire.
2006-09-05 12:33:21 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
she is VERY immature. She seems to get what she wants, when she wants it. First of all, she was 16 when she had her first kid...not a smart move. Second, she is a sassy wife and you need to nip that in the bud. Tell her to shut her mouth or leave and NEVER come back. You have done without her before and you will do without her again.
My sister did this to her man...she pushed him into a marriage he was clearly not ready for and began to nag for a baby. She knew this would be the only way for her to trap him into supporting her for as long as she wished.
YOU my friend have choices...tell her to shape up that sas mouth, because you will definately treat her like a child when she acts like one, or you can tell her to ship out. There are LOTS of mature, well off women out there who would gladly have you around.
2006-09-05 12:42:07 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
you are 27 and you are only asking her to wait three years. I think she should try to see where you are coming from. I would becareful if she wants to have a baby that much she might do something stupid. You are not wrong for wanting to be financially better having a baby takes a lot of money
2006-09-05 12:35:07 · answer #6 · answered by melthule 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like she trapped you and is looking to really close it on you. As long as you are there, and give her the baby, you 'll be supporting her and both her kids, when she leaves you. If I were you, I'd RUN. If it's been rocky right fromthe start, get the heck out of there before she winds up pregnant from somebody else, and you're stuck paying for it.
2006-09-05 12:36:12 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make her wait... If she really loves you and isn't a self centered *****, she will wait... It's not like she is getting too old or anything. Get your money right, Get a house big enough for your family, a decent mini van or suv to haul kids around in... Then have more kids... Hell you already share two, tell her to be patient.
2006-09-05 12:41:23 · answer #8 · answered by BORED AT WORK 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is a child with a child. She needs to grow up. Sounds like she's throwing tantrums and she's not ready to be a mother again.
Tell her to go out and get a job and once you're financially secure IN THAT HOUSE you will consider it.
Doesn't sound like much of a relationship to me if she's so demanding.
2006-09-05 12:37:51 · answer #9 · answered by sarah071267 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't have a child...bringing a child into a rocky marriage isn't fair to the unborn child
if possible, rationalize this with her: based on your current income and expenses PLUS everything for a new baby(daycare & diapers are expensive, plus there's her lost income in maternity leave)....ask her to show you how you can pay for it
if that fails (and it may), she hasn't thought it through; couples counseling would be a next step
2006-09-05 12:35:59 · answer #10 · answered by Dwight D J 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋