"The Calm Before the Storm"
An old man of sixty-three,
You lost your wife young,
Now you have only old Jack,
Your fifteen year old black lab.
You look out at the Long Island sound,
The waves lap up against the shore.
You know it's time,
Time to take the old girl out,
Adventure has inched it's way into your blood,
Slowly taking over.
You look around at the cabin,
You have your lines,
You've got a gun.
Jack is sitting patiently waiting.
It's time to go out to sea,
To see the waters,
And feel the breeze.
The sea will be your grave today,
You can feel it in your bones.
It's calm right now,
But you know,
The calm comes before the storm
2006-09-05 12:03:19 · 14 answers · asked by Loved By Someone Above 4 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
It's a good start. I can see you've put a lot into it. It makes me wonder, have you tried writing more structured (in terms of rhyme and meter) poetry? To me this story cries out for rhyme--it's a ballad. Just a thought. Keep it up.
2006-09-05 12:10:23 · answer #1 · answered by Leslie D 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I've reade your poem and I think you have a gift. I took the "old girl" to mean some sort of boat, and as far as "lines", that could mean the wrinkles he's attained throughout life, each telling a different story. I think your poetry is beautiful and heartfelt...Keep up the good work and don't be discouraged by negativity posted on this site....poetry is not for everyone!!
2006-09-05 12:21:22 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Too much didn't make sense. Who's 'the old girl"? What "lines"? Is he going to drown or shoot himself and why. Is he taking the dog with him? Why? This one doesn't flow and doesn't evoke enough emotion for someone who is going to die.
2006-09-05 12:11:47 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The story is facinating and the imagry amazing, but I just don't feel the rhythm of your words. Imagine it was a song; the lyrics just don't flow.
2006-09-05 12:38:28 · answer #4 · answered by Linda 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have to change that title and the last line, way too cliche. You have some nice lines in there though, let the poem sit for a while and then re-write re-write re-write. You always have to re-write your work to make it really great.
2006-09-05 12:10:28 · answer #5 · answered by Paley Pale 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I like it. Did you write this? It is good. I am impressed.
I give yo an A+
2006-09-05 12:09:12 · answer #6 · answered by celticwarrior7758 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It gave me alil wierd vibe but thats a good thing i like it.
2006-09-05 12:07:10 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Im wondering if you wrote it.
There are also a few lines that leave me wondering, including the last..............
I like it!!
2006-09-05 12:14:40 · answer #8 · answered by Silva 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I couldn't finish it; too boring after the first few lines.
2006-09-05 12:05:23 · answer #9 · answered by nflhandicapper 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
its okay? i guess
but it got so boring i stopped reading after the first 4 lines...
2006-09-05 12:05:52 · answer #10 · answered by [blahh] ™ 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋