My wife a year and a half ago, decided to find herself a boyfriend and when I found out, she decided to leave. So know lives with her boyfriend (although we are still legally married) and she is encouraging my four young children (8, 6.5, 5.5, 4) to call the boyfriend daddy.
Just the other day my oldest, when she called him to talk to me on the phone, asked "which daddy, the new one or the old one?"
I have tried to be non-confrontational and have really worked to keep our relationship somewhat friendly. But I have to do something about this. The last time I brought it up, she played it off that it was just (my youngest) who was confused. But I have asked the kids and they readily tell me they are practically forced to call him daddy.
Am I wrong in demanding this stop? Any suggestions on the best way to handle it?
2006-09-05 11:37:29 · 23 answers · asked by tm_tech32 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Oh I am sure we will get divorced, whenever she gets around to it. I really wanted to work things out but after a year of trying I have simply given up.
The only reason they are with her is that I believe that she can do a better job of taking care of them then I can... at least at this age.
I don't think I would have much difficulty getting custody if I choose that route... the stories I could tell you... you wouldn't believe me.
2006-09-05 11:47:17 · update #1
You are NOT wrong about this, she is! She said that a 4y/o is confused, that's why he/she calls him Daddy? She's trying to pull one over on you, a child that age knows the difference between Daddy and another man. Why would the other children follow along? Sounds like they've been told to call him Daddy. Your kids probably aren't even comfortable calling him that. I'd talk to your kids and ask them how they feel. Tell them that he is NOT their Daddy and it hurts you when they call him that. Assure your kids that YOU are their father/Daddy and that YOU love them, they are your babies.
Best of luck with this situation.
2006-09-05 11:53:39 · answer #1 · answered by swrong 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your wife needs to be an EX immediately. BE prepared to pay some serious child support. Your new to be EX is making some serious errors in what she is doing to your children, and you have my sincere sympathy. I would tell her she is doing the kids wrong with this double-dad stuff...after all, her relationship with this guy is nothing more than a shack up. I am not so sure I wouldn't sue for custody...there is a very good chance you will get it, and she can pay child support. Go for it, your kids lives are at stake here, and this arrangement is just plain old wrong as it can be. Call a lawyer today, get the papers prepared, courts do not look kindly on this living arrangement, play on it to the hilt. Good luck
2006-09-05 11:48:08 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I applaude you for your patience with this situation and keeping your cool like you have helps with the kids. But, I think your wife has crossed the line here. Children should never be forced into things. Your children will always know that your are their father and there is nothing wrong with them calling both of you dad but I think the way she is going about it is wrong. I know this must be hard for you since the break up is recent but this is my suggestion. Let your wife know that if the kids want to call him dad it is fine with you, but not to force them. (She may be doing this because she knows she can hurt you this way) Reinforce with your kids that you will always be their father, you love them no matter what is going on, and it is ok if they want to call the boyfriend father. Most of all keeping a amicable relationship is really important so that you can have access to the kids as much as you want. If your wife loves the kids she should understand what a confusing time this can be for them, and forcing them to call someone else daddy could be making them feel like their other daddy is leaving or will be unavailable. I think you are absolutley right in demanding she quit forcing them, but if this guy is going to be in the picture in the long term...you shouldn´t be suprised if they refer to both of you as their dads.
2006-09-05 11:59:56 · answer #3 · answered by forallitsworth 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
what...?! get a divorce!
next...u have to be a man in this situation. and i mean a real Man, not someone who just goes around screaming and trying to get what he wants cuz he "manly". i mean truly, stand up for yourself, and what YOU want for your kids. she obviously does not respect you, and is teaching that to the children!!!!
u cannot change her, but u can change how YOU act and react to the situation. now, if i were u, i would try and get custody. she sounds like she lies, and obviously she cheats. u have children, and ur duty is to do what is BEST for them. if that means taking care of them yourself, do it. do u want your kids to grow up with her in that way?
u are not wrong in demanding this to stop. but if u let it go w/o a fight, that is not good. u need to demand a divorce. then u can start going over custody. but never should she try to teach them lies. i don't know why she has treated u this way...perhaps there were reasons in the marriage u haven't stated, and u haven't exactly been the best husband? either way, it doesn't matter. she is doing wrong. and u need to try ur best to do what is best for the children. good luck, and try hard to make sure u are the best husband and father u can be..that way u will never settle for less, nor let anyone come in and walk all over you like this.
2006-09-05 11:45:09 · answer #4 · answered by sasmallworld 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, there isnt anything legally you can do and as tempting as it may be, I strongly advise against the other. This sometimes happens in divorced families and its not always the best thing to do but it happens. You have no control over your ex and what she does in her house. The best thing you can do is to explain to your children when you have them that you are their only daddy and no one will ever take your place no matter what mommy says. Theyre a little young right now to understand but eventually they will. Just dont put down mommy or they willtend to believe her. If they ask you about the new or lod daddy, you proudly tell them that youre the best daddy. Good luck
2006-09-05 11:47:58 · answer #5 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Get a divorce, take her to court and try and find any little thing that will win you full custody. Does she smoke, does she drink, does she do drugs? Aside from the smoking ( depending if it's cigs or weed) doing that kind of stuff in front of your kids is grounds for removing the kids from the home. Good luck!
2006-09-05 11:49:09 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
No you're not wrong!! DIVORCE the HOE & sue for custody. Call child abuse hotline any time she farts wrong!! Been there done that, I now have my kids,SHE pays ME support!!! Go for it,you'll never regret it. You've EVERYTHING to LOSE if you do nothing!!!!She'll have the kids-you'll have the bills & only visitation.Trust me on this or talk to someone you know & trust that's been through this. But GET A LAWYER!!!!! Good Luck. Is adultry illegal where you live?If so, bring charges against her& put it in the divorce!Just remember GET REPRESENTATION!!!
2006-09-05 11:47:42 · answer #7 · answered by scott m 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dude I can't even believe I wish you were making this up...she is nuts to do that...I would tell her to stop doing that...I don't care what you did to her or whatever happened between the two of you.the kids still your kids and soon enough the honeymoon will end...they will know who the real father...Just keep supporting them and keep records maybe if lucky you can legally ask for custody. good luck
2006-09-05 11:43:30 · answer #8 · answered by John R 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry I don't have any suggestions. I just wanted to tell you that you are completely right for being upset about this. Your children will only have one father and that is you. I consider it emotional abuse on their mother's behalf for forcing them to call him daddy when they know he isn't. I wish you the best of luck and hope it all works out for you.
2006-09-05 12:40:41 · answer #9 · answered by latingirl0527 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YES YOU ARE WRONG!!!
but about something else. What the hell are you thinking?? Go! Get a lawyer, get custody of YOUR kids and BE A MAN!!!!
You can get a nanny to help you with them, or how about your parents?
Don't let this keep going on. Take control of your life, love your kids and quit being a victim.
2006-09-05 11:55:57 · answer #10 · answered by Honey 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋