My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for three years now, I have gotten to know his family really well. I get along perfectly with his mom and sister, but his dad is an inconsiderate prick. I'm not exagerating! He treats his family like s***! He is extremely selfish and all he cares about is money. He has even said that he can't be happy without money! It makes me very upset by the way he treats his family. He also treats me the same way. The thing that upsets me the most is the way he treats his wife. She is the complete oposite of him- kind and generouse. She would do anything for anyone before she thinks of herself, and he walks all over her. She sticks up for herself sometimes, but sometimes I really feel the need to say something and stick up for her. Because of his lack of respect for everyone, his family and I never want to even be around him! Should I say something to him and give him a piece of my mind, or is it not my place to do so?
2006-09-05 11:31:07 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I know his family would not be mad at me if I said something to him, but I am afraid I will not be allowed in his house anymore if I do, and I really like to spend time with his mom and sister. My boyfriend is moving out next week so I am not worried about not being able to see him.
2006-09-05 11:37:55 · update #1
His family has confronted him about his behavior several times. He makes an effort for a couple weeks then goes right back to the way he was.
2006-09-05 11:40:04 · update #2
His actions are definitely taking a toll on my boyfriend and I. It adds a lot of unneeded stress.
2006-09-05 11:42:02 · update #3
i am in a very similar situation just from the other side my wife's dad is a a total prick to everyone. Everyone walks on eggshells and tries to keep him happy and has to appease him all the time and we all just have to put up with it well may not have to but do...the thing i always think about is if i say something now i have to deal with him for the rest of our lives....and so if you are serious about the guy think about it is he really going to change because you said something...probably NO in which case he could just be even more of an ***....it really is that old saying catch 22, or your damned if you do damned if you don't....either way the situation is not going to get better so why make it worse. I really really want to say something almost everyday but why it will do no good it will only make things worse and then bad from then on so i know i didn't' really help any but just take it from someone that's been in the same place for 5 1/2 years you just have to deal with it the best you can and try to vent whenever possible to the other ppl that feel the same way...i wish we could actually talk about this maybe we could come up with a solution but that's not the way this works so sorry but your just kinda stuck.
2006-09-05 11:41:24 · answer #1 · answered by J. H. 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry, and it's not fair, but it's actually not your place to do so, and it won't even be when you get married to your bf. These people have been together for a long time, and it won't do anyone any good for you to come in and stir things up. Undoubtedly, the father has been like he is for a long time, and your sudden intervention is not going to change him. Sure, it might make you feel good, momentarily, to stand up to him, but the division and stress it would create within the family would not be worth that in the long run. Your best option is just to limit the amount of time you spend around him to where you do not find his presence intolerable.
2006-09-05 11:36:42 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Boy that's tough. The first thing that leaps to my mind comes because I know how much children learn from their parents. Make dad gum certain there is none of the father's behavior from the son.
What would be very good for you to do would be to give him a piece of your mind by saying in response to some maltreatment of you, "Your words are very hurtful and seem to me to be mean spirited and unkind. Is that how you are and how you intend to be?" Would that get the message across without burning your bridges?
The problem is that we teach people how to treat us and his family has not done a good job teaching him.
2006-09-05 13:02:32 · answer #3 · answered by DelK 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Probably its better to just be quiet and try to avoid the guy. Difficult situation. It might be insane, but how about trying to do something nice for the guy, like a present of some kind, or take him out to lunch or something like that. Its best to accent positive things rather than dwell on negative ones. Anyway, good luck!
2006-09-05 11:34:49 · answer #4 · answered by jxt299 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he's treating you that way and you resent it, maybe it's time to say something. He's not going to change, but it sounds like you need to let him have it. It could end up having a huge impact on your relationship with your boyfriend if you don't. And you'll resent him even more as time goes on.. But I'd run it by your boyfriend first... Don't ask for his blessings, just tell him what's going on..
2006-09-05 11:35:00 · answer #5 · answered by ray of sunshine 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Actually you should leave it alone until he does something that inappropriate to you. She has married him and totally knows how much of jerk he is. It can hinder your relationship with her and your boyfriend. His family have comyoue accustomed to his actions you haven't yet. Don't worry about it until he approaches you then by all means read his butt his rights. if you don't it could cause you your relationship.
Good luck.
2006-09-05 11:43:12 · answer #6 · answered by Sunshine 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my dad is the same way. kill this man with kindness. if he makes a messed up remark then just look at him smile, and then spark up a a conversation with someone else in the room., if he yells, just look at him like hes crazy, be creative but dont argue with him thats what he wants. works with that asshole of a father i have
2006-09-05 11:39:37 · answer #7 · answered by dark rockchick 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
they did not make divorce laws for everyone but her.M>Y>O>B> stop and look at the control you want to take over,,,,,they know him longer,just spend more time out,invite the mother out more with your,and your boyfriend to your house for dinners.picnics,good luck,
2006-09-05 11:37:37 · answer #8 · answered by tysgrandma99 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
SHE CHOOSES TO STAY it is not your place to say anything to him. However if you get a wild hair up your butt you can maybe talk to the mother. But really you should stay out of it.
2006-09-05 11:36:35 · answer #9 · answered by leahb1979 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can pick your boyfriend but not his relatives! Choose, either him and the Father or dump him. It's not his fault the father is a prick, and he WON'T CHANGE!
2006-09-05 11:34:12 · answer #10 · answered by matt v 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋