I have always known that I was BI sexual through my entire life. I got married about a year or so ago and have a 2 month old baby. Although I love the relationship that I currently have with my wife, I enjoy every moment that we spend together as a family. I still want to be able to play with guys. I am not looking for an emotional relationship with any guys, but I do enjoy the sex with them.
She was aware that I am BI from the moment that she meet me. She also comments about guys that we see out and about with me and ask me which ones I think are cute. Although I know that this is an uncomfortable subject for her she tries to go along. I dont want to lose her, but I dont feel that im being true to myself and that i am not a happy man if i dont have sex with males on occasion. I am not looking to have a regular guy, or that im going to be out every night looking for someone. Just someone that on occassion would help me satisfy that urge.
Any ideas?
2006-09-05 10:51:46 · 29 answers · asked by anthonyrayray 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well, you should not have married if you are going to still desire to be with guys. I understand and she knew that you were Bi but knowing and accepting are two different things. I don't think your wife would appreciate you going off to cheat with other men or women. She would not feel good about it. So if you still want to play with the fellas, why don't you just leave her alone so she can find someone that wants to be committed to her only.
2006-09-05 10:55:49 · answer #1 · answered by kitcat 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, but you've got a problem on your hands. I agree with mostly everyone else who said to just be honest with her. Now that honesty may break her heart, but it would be better than her finding out later that she was not enough to keep you from creeping. On the other hand, it's doubtful that you are going to be completely fulfilled with her and your infant child. If I were in her shoes, I would respect you more if you told me how you felt and we could go our separate ways. If you do it that way, the hard feelings will be lessened and the two of you can continue to raise your child as a team. Since your baby is only 2 months old, I would think that you used me to procreate and never had real intentions of staying with me. Bi or not, if you're still thinking of other people, then she's not the one for you. You sound like you're forcing yourself to be with her, and every once in a while you'll go do a guy, and that will sustain you until the next time. She doesn't deserve that. Come on now, you know better.
2006-09-05 11:13:35 · answer #2 · answered by karen W 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The ONLY way is communication with your wife. She has to know from u where you're coming from. Don't just go off and cheat on her because whether you're with another man or woman, it is still cheating on your wife. There is no easy way to approach this but u have to be honest with her and not hide anything from her, especially now that u feel as though your true self is being stifled. If u respect your wife as a person, u will let her in on this very important matter.
2006-09-05 11:00:42 · answer #3 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can totally understand where you're coming from (except that I'm a woman), but this could be dangerous. I mean, you are married now and I know that sounds cliche but it's true. If you really love your wife, don't do it. It's okay to fantasize about it but it's safest to not act on it. By the way, don't listen to the people that say that you shouldn't have gotten married in the first place or that your wife deserves someone better. You're only human. Good luck to you.
2006-09-05 11:12:35 · answer #4 · answered by mommy2x 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is a commitment between two people to forsake ALL others. You need to learn how to control your urges especially since you have a baby! This is a ridiculous question and I'm sure that if you think long and hard about this you'll realize that if you feel this way you never should have gotten married. I feel sorry for your poor wife and suggest that maybe both of you attend counseling together to maybe find some alternative solutions other than breaking your vows. Or maybe you can get counseling on your own to deal with this. Or get a divorce so your wife can find someone who'll honor their vows.
2006-09-05 11:07:02 · answer #5 · answered by hideemosquito 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Any ideas...plenty if you will listen to me. I really do know what I am talking about. Descretion is the better part of valor...you catch my drift? It is fully one thing to lightly compare notes, and it is fun. BUT it is entirely another thing to go any further with this. Your wife trusts you to not hurt her, to protect her, to love her, to care for her...so do it. And do it better than any other husband she could possibly have. Your family is your core, and always will be.
Now, reality rears its ugly head. IF , and only IF you live in a metorpolitan area, get a hidden email account and secure the hell out of it...you owe your wife total descretion! On-line hunting is the way of life now. There are plenty of men out there who will fill the bill. You can only do this IF you have a job that calls you out of the office and makes you remain out of contact for periods of time during the weekdays. Make arrangements and meet in descrete public places. When you find one or two guys who are in the same boat, want what you want sexually, and are SAFE and practice ONLY SAFE SEX, then go to an out of the way descrete motel of an hour or two every so often, nothing regular, and always keep it under control. You can live a dual life without hurting anyone...and the pressures you feel with have a safety valve for blowing off the steam when it is necessary..without the valve, your marriage will be in danger down the road..trust me on that one. I have saved more marriages here than all the councilors put together. NEVER get involved with anyone other than your wife. It would probably be best if the 'tricks' were single, were ultra descrete, understand exactly where you are coming from, and agree to all of the above. NEVER NEVER tell you wife, for that would be a sin beyond belief.
Good luck in your life. Take special care of yourself and your family.
2006-09-05 11:06:35 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Do you know that is not good for your family? Your kid may grow up to be mentally unhealthy because knowing you having sex with your wife( which is perfectly normal) but with another guy???! hey !that is not good for kids!! If you want your child to grow up happy, you'll have to sacrifice being a BI and have a great relationship with your wife. I am sure that she wouldn't be happy if you have other sex partners and if you really love her, you'll have to let her know that she's the only one you have sex with. No matter if it's a guy or a woman you have sex with, that is still cheating on your wife and I know you wouldn't be happy your wife does that right??? So think it over and do the best thing for your FAMILY!!
2006-09-05 11:05:52 · answer #7 · answered by hey people!! 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are for real you need to have your self committed. How could you bring some little baby into this world and live that kind of a life. If that is the way you want to be then get a divorce and stay away from your child. Never let your baby know you can not be true to love.
2006-09-05 11:01:28 · answer #8 · answered by short stack 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Just because your wife knew you were bi, that does not mean she would expect you to want to cheat on her! You made a commitment when you married her, which you should honour. Straight people have urges too you know, but we fight them! Are you sure this is to do with your sexuality? Or are you just incapable of monogamy?
If you feel you can't be without sex with men, you'll just have to explain it to her and hope she's easy-going about open relationships. I wouldn't hold your breath though.
2006-09-05 11:25:20 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The best approach is being honest. It would be far worse for her to find out you're banging another guy from someone else or see you out somewhere. Tell her you want to bang guys again. It's up to her to decide how to take it. And you say you're not looking for a regular guy but that would probably be better than anything else. Do you honestly think she wants to be with you if you want to go out and bang whatever guy you want? Nevermind the AIDS factor. Try finding one guy that you both can share. she might go for that more than being left at home while you go out on a dyck hunt
2006-09-05 10:56:39 · answer #10 · answered by bodinibold 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋