why do people think that being a lesbian has anything to do with men?

Question

I am not a lesbian because men are behaving well or badly, if they rape or abuse, or become saints or even bloody heroes. I am a lesbian because I love women. Here's a thought for the hard of thinking lesbians do not have relationships with other women cos they don't like men..they simply prefer women!! Doh!

The mark at the end of the sentence usually indicates a question..thicko...yaaaaawwnnn! back

Answer 1

Sweetness, Men in general think *everything* has to do with them. The smarter ones know that actually we Ladies are in charge and leave us to try and straighten up the mess they have left. Good luck, and keep up the fight! Blessings.

Answer 2

Because people are generally stupid when it comes to this subject. They all think that a woman is a lesbian just because some men treated her wrong or cheated on her, or raped her. That is not the case. Every man I ever dated prior to realizing I was a lesbian was perfect. They all treated me great, looked good, made a good living and wanted relationships and not just a piece of booty. But I did not want these men. I was not naturally attracted to them in that way.

Next, you have these so-called lesbians (sike -a- dykes), who want to be a lesbian for 2 or 3 months, and go back to being straight. Well, those are not real lesbians. And they make it hard on women like me who are real lesbians because people think that I then can be turned straight, when I was never 'turned' gay in the first place. Also, you have these bi and bicurious women who get with another woman just to please a man.

Also, let's not forget the studs/butches who were tomboys since birth, and never had any desire for a man in the first place. You can't tell me they're gay because a man hurt them because they probably never cared about any man in the first place.These type of women are definitely gay by nature and not circumstances. So, this shows that being gay comes natural for real lesbians, and not from any circumstances or environment.

Also, there are some many sterotypes and sterotypical questions like "If you don't want a man, why do yo date a girl that looks like one?", or "why do you use a dildo?" Well, I don't date studs and I have no desire to use a dildo because I love a fem just how she is. But regardless of whether or not a lesbian dates a stud/butch or uses a dildo, it's still with a woman and not a man,so she would still be a lesbian.

I'm not trying to greatly judge anyone for their lifestyle, to each it's own, and everyone is free to do what they want in life, but when anyone tries to tell me I'm not really gay, I just tell them "I like chicks, and NOT d*cks!" End of story.

Answer 3

That isn't true of all lesbians - what about the ones who claim themselves to be queer by choice? Maybe it's a myth, but I've read about it and heard about it. It was a movement in I think the 70's, and although I doubt many people recognise it as a movement now, I reckon there must be at least a small proportion of lesbians who have in fact made a conscious decision, or gone subconsciously in a direction to loving other women precisely because men are no longer an option for them, rather than that they were born lesbians and never thought otherwise. Although I'm sure you're right that this does not apply to the majority, I think you are wrong if you claim that every woman who has made a habit of sleeping with women, ever, has done so purely because they love women. Nothing is that straightforward! And in answer to your q, people think being a lesbian is an extreme negative reaction to the behaviour of men because a.) In the past, and possibly also these days to a lesser extent, this has been the case .b.) It is a handy way for people with some kind of chip on their shoulder to make lesbianism sound like a determined and distortive rebellion against a perceived norm rather than a natural lifestyle with value in and of itself, and thus to downgrade its worth. c.) Possibly straight women sometimes look at lesbians and envy their freedom from men in the dynamic of a romantic rship, and so the above argument makes perfect sense to them. d.) Straight men might think lesbianism is a rejection of what they have to offer, rather than an instincitve behaviour. Just a few ideas. Well hon, ya did ask.

Answer 4

I know a small handful of lesbians. 2 of them have gone straight. Yes, I am serious. both where extremely overweight. They both dated women and had very long relationships with them. Both of them had gastric by-pass surgery, and lost massive amounts of weight, had tummy tucks etc. Both of these lesbian jumped at the first guy who gave them attention. One is married now and has 2 kids. The other is engaged. (These women do not know each other, they live in different states.) Now, another lesbian I know was married for 9 years. The dude was a jerk, I admit, and left her for another woman. Within a year she was dating a woman. Now these true examples are what makes me think that MANY lesbians...NOT ALL, are lesbians by choice and it is about men for many.

Answer 5

For many, they simply cannot grasp the concept of not being sexualy interested in men(the pornography fantasy doesn't help).
Rape, abuse, whatever.. if that were the case there would have been a quantum jump in the number of lesbians don'tcha think?

You won't ever explain it to those who refuse to listen.
I've had the same issue with some men not understanding my lack of sexual attraction to women. They kept pointing out the model/filmstar/singer of the day and saying you wouldn't "do" that? Don't you think she's cute? I just laugh and tell them sure she's cute, but a puppy is cute and I don't want to "do" one of those either. If it isn't there, it isn't there. Accept it.

Answer 6

Well said, say I. My local lesbian would agree heartily (we do have more than one, but she's the only one I can call "my" lesbian). For all I know, she might be on here. She might even be you.

But having said that, for a hetero, homosexuality makes no sense at all until you have it explained several times and very sloooowly by someone who is firmly committed to playing for that team. It's an enormous gulf in perspective. Which is why, I guess, people are annoying you with these assumptions.

Answer 7

I was in the adult entertainment business for a while. For most woman this is true, very very true. But I have seen die hard hetero women turn lesbian because of the way they were treated at the clubs by men. It didn't happen a lot or often, but it did happen. Maybe it was just an excuse for them though.

Answer 8

What pisses me off more than thinking someone is a lesbian because of previous negative experiences with men is when they try to say that a woman can't get a man so they have to get whatever they can get.

Answer 9

I have observed that many gay men get along fine with women. It is just that they prefer men to women as sexual partners. Nothing to do with hatred for the opposite sex. I don't think lesbians are lesbians because they hate men. People just like making assumptions about things they don't really understand.

Answer 10

I was tempted to eliminate your question but, on second thought,
decided to answer. I have several lesbian friends (close friends)
and I do not regard them as being men, directly or not. I think
you should re-phrase your question and keep cool and happy
in your own way.

Answer 11

I never thought that women become lesbians because of men.....the reason being is that a lot of lesbians are very butch....as a lot of gay men are very womanish..... no offence ment by this comment..just a general observation.