I'm resently Married and already I see the difference in the way that me and my husband interact. He is always trying to fix things and I feel like he is trying to fix me. He can't understand that I am going to have feelings about things and he can't do anything about it. He just need to understand that I am going to need my space from time to time. Is it wrong to want to have time to yourself? And how do I tell him this without him taking it the wrong way?
2006-09-05 09:50:47 · 21 answers · asked by Grace Q. 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
That is the big difference between how men and women approach things. My husband never understands when I am complaining or upset about something that all I need from him is to listen. He immediately trys to come up with a solution. It is just how men approach things. Women on the other hand sometimes just need to feel things or vent. When he trys to give me a solution I feel like he is discounting my feelings that he is not understanding. I sat my husband down and told him just this. He stated he just wanted to help and fix it so I can get over it. He still doesn´t understand why I am this way but now he knows that when I am throwing a tantrum or frustrated that the best thing is to tell me he loves me, give me a hug, and then go play computer until I get over it.
The best thing to do is to wait until a time when he does it. Be calm and then sit him down and tell him how it made you feel when he said this and that when you were upset. You understand he is just trying to help but then tell him what you really need. It takes time in a marriage for one partner to read the others moods and unfortunately sometimes it takes some fights inbetween to learn to work with each other.
2006-09-05 10:33:13 · answer #1 · answered by forallitsworth 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well first u have to look at the fact that u have just been married recently. It's going to take some time to adjust to a married life. Time for yourself is very important. U can't be with him 24/7 and u just have to communicate with him that u need space to do your own thing too but let him know that he can do the same because it's good for both your growth as an individual. Try not to turn it into a big fight. Just communicate it with him in a calm manner and if he starts getting angry, don't push the issue until he has cooled off.
2006-09-05 17:02:10 · answer #2 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a hard one. I am also a very independent person, and being married required some adjustment from the both of us. You are not being unreasonable by wanting space, but you have to make sure it is just from time to time. Have you tried discussing this with him directly? Would he understand? Can you 'nicely' ask him about his feelings? If you start with his feelings, he may be more open to listening to yours. Or, he may even agree to something without knowing it. I know it sounds like trickery, but sometimes these things are necessary for your peace of mind. You could try explaining to him that you are not used to being around someone 24/7/365, and sometimes you just need to collate your thoughts (which you can't do with him, or anyone else around). Make sure he understands you are not picking someone else over him, you just want some alone time. If this stuff doesn't work, then you have to go back to the trickery. 'Schedule' appointments that require you to be out of the house. This way, you have time alone, without him freaking out. But remember, this is a lie you will have to keep up. And honestly is always the best policy- especially between husband and wife.
2006-09-05 16:59:01 · answer #3 · answered by Queen 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband probably understands that you may have different feelings about things but men have a need to fix things. They are technical and see most everything as being able to be fixed even there wives problems. Just sit him down and tell him you love him but need a little me(you) time. Tell him what you would like to do for the me time so he is clear about your expectations. Also let him know he doesn't have to fix all your problems just listen and try to understand. Marriage is all about compromise and understanding including you understanding that he may not always (understand). Men will never get woman fully. Woman will never get men fully. We just try to get along.
2006-09-05 16:58:45 · answer #4 · answered by smile4u 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is in men's nature to fix things. You will ask your husband to fix many things over the course of your marriage. It's one of the things men do. So, when you present him with a problem that can be fixed, but don't WAN'T him to fix it, he becomes confused.What he doesn't understand is that if he fixes your problems, you won't have anthing to complain about, and it is in women's nature to complain. Women would much rather complain about something repeatedly than fix it so it goes away and isn't a problem any more. It's one of the things women do. This dichotomy of attitude is one of the biggest problems in most relationships. He must learn to accept what seems to him to be
an enragingly illogical view of reality, or drive both of you crazy trying to get you to see it his way.
Good luck trying to explain your view to him. It's like holding your hand in an open flame, complaining about the pain, and when he suggests that you take your hand out of the fire, telling him that you don't want him to fix the problem, you just want him to listen .
2006-09-05 18:41:57 · answer #5 · answered by answermann 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hear you. My husband does that to me every now and then. Most guys typically think that they can "fix" everything especially when it comes to relationships. I tell my husband I just need time to myself. I might go to the guest room, close the door and listen to some music. Or go out shopping when he comes home and for him to watch our 9 month old son. Whatever it is that you need to do tell him. And most likely you'll have to tell him from time to time because he may think that he's doing something wrong when in fact he's not. Assure him that it's not him.
2006-09-05 17:10:10 · answer #6 · answered by Ruth R 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, it is normal to need our own space, and if he can't respect that ... HIT HIM OVER THE HEAD WITH A FRYING PAN.. (just kidding)... but no seriouisly you need to have your space to yourself when you need it... you just have to keep saying to him over and over and over until he gets it... Good Luck with it, I know this is going to be a tough one (I just broke up with a man a few months back that I was going to marry who did me the same way once he put a ring on my finger, am grateful he showed true colors before the I DO's took place) I'll be saying my silent prayers for you that you can find the words to make your husband understand.
2006-09-05 17:06:14 · answer #7 · answered by someone s 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO!!! It is not wrong all of us need our time alone to grow... If you stayed with him 24-7 you will be more like him not yourself. I couldn't imagine being around someone all the time WE all have to have a few minutes for "US" and there is nothing wrong with that. Just be honest and tell him you need your breathing space and he should be fine...Good Luck!
2006-09-05 16:54:36 · answer #8 · answered by JACKIE M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just make plans with friends or something and he'll take the hint that he's not invited. No, it's not wrong to want time to yourself...you were an individual before you met him, and a ring doesnt change that!
2006-09-05 17:34:41 · answer #9 · answered by bluez 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some men never understand a woman's behaviour and her thinking.Women are different to men in all.Try to tell him that you need be yourself,and you need your own time and space.You need to feel that you are alive,yes.Get a professional help,(counselling).Talk with him in the right time,when he is happy or maybe in bed with you.Good luck. Men have logic thinking,women have: feelings plus thinking too.
2006-09-05 17:09:47 · answer #10 · answered by cobrasnake 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋