The Human Trap
Seperate me.
It's all essential to you.
Cut me up.
And spit out all the peicies.
Break me so I cannot be fixed.
And count my fairy tales.
For I'm too complex
And too keen to fall
into the human trap.
I now inquire all that
is wanted about the
human being I'm suspose
to become.
And I obtain no anwsers,
for all that I'm recieving
is decieving lies.
It seems as if the world has
conspired agansit me and
already has informed me
of the life I'll shall live.
I wish they would use the five
senses they have and see
what they've done.
Even though they would not
blink twice, at least they will
see what I'm about to become.
I will display the assumptions
that are false and create a fate
for which I'll shall die in.
For those who do not believe
that they are decent enough
to suceed, are donating to
the human trap.
2006-09-05 09:43:54 · 10 answers · asked by gyanks13 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Other - Arts & Humanities
You need work on spelling but all it matters that you used the right literature.
2006-09-05 09:45:34 · answer #1 · answered by Sk8erboi83 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are looking for a literary opinion on something, for god's sake spell check and proof read it first. Otherwise, no matter how good it is, it will come off sounding, well, dumb I guess.
What worries me is what the writer is "about to become." "Create a fate for which I'll [sic] shall die in" ??? Sounds like something a suicide bomber would write before he blows himself up. Poor English and all.
Sounds a little creepy if you ask me. Well, you DID ask me.
2006-09-05 16:51:30 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My opinion is that the whole poem is conceived poetically but only the first 6 lines are expressed poetically, after which the expression becomes prosaic. If the whole thing were expressed in the same character as those first lines, I think it would be a very interesting poem.
2006-09-05 21:16:56 · answer #3 · answered by haroldpohl2000 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to fix the spelling. But uhmm the main thing is having the 'right writing' using actual literature devices to make a good poem.
2006-09-05 16:45:34 · answer #4 · answered by res_evil4rox 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One, don't write poetry when you are depressed. Two, poetry is all about imagery. Three, most people cannot write really good poetry. Four, you are among those people who CANNOT. Five, your spelling and grammar are awful. Six, you have been reported as this is NOT a forum for you to post your creative works.
2006-09-05 16:46:50 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I've seen worse win prizes so don't give up. It definitely has a message.
2006-09-05 16:52:56 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi. Sorry but your very first word is misspelled. Poets do not usually do that.
2006-09-05 16:46:45 · answer #7 · answered by Cirric 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nope!
2006-09-05 16:50:03 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
its alriiiiiight.....but there are TONS of grammatical errors that make it difficult to read
2006-09-05 16:46:34 · answer #9 · answered by . 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like it.
2006-09-05 16:45:29 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋