Our 3month old is at home daycare 11hrs a day 5days a wk?

Question

We have a 3 month old son and both work together and commute to work. We drop him off there at 7am and pick him up at 6pm. This is so hard for me to do because I was home with him until 1 week ago I miss him soo much. How many other families have to leave their babies for such a long period of time?

OK I didn't post a question to be bashed I all ready feel awful about it, we commute together so we do not pay extra for gas parking, etc., we don't own a big house or a small one we rent. We don't go out at all. This is also not a big home day care it is a grand mother and her daughter. The daughter has a 3 1/2 month old of her own and the grand mother watches a 2,3, and 4 year old.

also no internet no cable we aren't materialistic so our clothes we have had a long time. The daycare is $75.00 a week. We live in No. Virginia rent is high food is as well, and diapers formula clothes,, very expensive.

Answer 1

I am so sorry you have to go through all these "judgemental" answers. You are not the only parents who have and who are leaving your child in daycare for these long days, you both work hard to make a living and to make life better for your family. I know its hard to go back to work after maternity leave. If this is bothering you you may want to look for another job with different hours or closer to home, but please know that you are not a bad parent by any means and you are not the only parents who have to do this. Putting them in daycare does not corrupt them by any means but please do what you need to do to make yourself feel better. Good luck.

Answer 2

I'm originally from No. Va. and you are right it is expensive. I'm sorry people are bashing you that is so unfair. I now live in a resort town further south and daycare was so hard to find! I gave up and good thing too becuase the company I was working for ended up downsizing and I wouldn't have had a job anyway. Money is so tight that both my husband and I stress constantly but I have found part time work and we are barely making it....but it's not forever!
Looking back, I don't think I could have lasted a week without my baby girl when she was that age or even now that she's 11 months old. If you can see if your company will work with you to work at home a couple of days a week until you can adjust to leaving her in someone else's care.
Big hugs to you! I have no doubt that it is really hard.

Answer 3

honey I worked 12 hr shifts 5 days a week and saw my son for a grand total of 2 hours a day and weekends. It was very hard for me to do this so I quit and found something else. I'm not bashing you i know that you need two incomes to survive in today's society. But here is what I would do. I would go get certified to be an in home daycare provider. then I would watch 3 or 4 children a week. (charge approx $100) and bring a pay check in that way. With this method you get to stay home with our baby and bring in some much needed income.

I am currently going back to school and I have a 6 month old and a 7 yr old. I know that it is going to be tough and I am going to be paying a home care provider to care for my daughter, I made sure that my daughter was going to thrive in her new environment and not be neglected. I have a book that the baby sitter is to write in everyday. She is to write how many diapers she used that day, how many onces of formula she drank, how long she slept for and her activities. this is on a daily basis.

So good luck. And do what you think is best.

Answer 4

The real question is, how can you have a child and pay someone else to raise it? You are not a single parent. You have a husband that works. Have you ever sat down and actually crunched the numbers? How much you make a month, money for the sitter, money for work wardrobe, gas or other extra expenses. How much is really left over? Could you get a cheaper car, eat out less, downgrade premium cable to basic, or other ways to cut extra spending? If you only make a couple hundred bucks a month after all those expenses, why work? 11 hours is too much time away from your child. That baby needs you more than you need that money. I can tell you from experience that you can learn to adjust and make 1 check stretch. Why miss him all day if you don't have to?

Answer 5

You say you are paying $75 a week for child care, how much do you pay for diapers? for the extra lunches at work? for the drycleaning of your work clothes? any other work related expenses?

You add all that up and see how it matches with what you make.

It's an immediate $300 a month minimum to stop the child care if you stay home, $100 a month minimum for lunches ($5 per day), I don't know what disposable diapers cost a week but if you switch to cloth (you'll be home all the time to change and launder them) and again I don't know the cost of drycleaning.

I would say that you could save about $500 - $600 a month in expenses. If you aren't making that much take home or are making close to that take home then it's a no-brainer, stay home with your baby.

Beyond that, I don't have much to offer. I just hope it helps.

Good luck.

Answer 6

I really do feel sorry for the baby. Always remember this: no one will tend to your baby like you will! I think that it is best to try things from another perspective like working fewer hours, staying at home,etc. The daycares are full of babies in the room(4-6) who all just need care at the same time. Does your baby gets changed 1st, 2nd or last? Does the baby gets fed when he needs to or is he allowed to cry for long periods of time,etc? You can't answer these because you are not there to know. Stay home with baby if at all possible and you will be glad that you did!

Answer 7

I'm sorry that you've gotten so many rotten answers. I'm a stay at home mom, so I can only imagine what you must be going through every day that you have to drop him off at daycare. Both moms that work and moms that stay home make huge sacrifices.
I have to sacrifice my career and you have to sacrifice not seeing your son.
But a I have a suggestion. Do you and your husband work somewhere where you must live in VA? Is there anyway you can move somewhere cheaper so that you can still work, but not have to be gone for so long?
Your state is very expensive and there are many less expensive states out there. Baby's awake...sorry I can't write more.

Answer 8

Not going to cajole you or anything, but I would encourage you to do the math -- just how much extra are you spending on daycare, a second car (assuming both you and your husband work), parking, etc., and compare it to your take-pay from your job. If most of the additional income is getting spent just ALLOWING you to take that job, you may want to consider trying to cut a few corners and just staying home with your child, or see if you can find a different position where you can telecommute. I was lucky enough to do that with my son for the first three years of his life, and it was one of the best decisions my wife and I ever made....

Answer 9

You need to reorganize your life. That is way too long for a baby to be in third party care. Do whatever you have to do to reduce those hours or stay home completely. This is a deadly dose of daycare. Your 3 month old baby is away from you for 11 hours a day how can you not think that this is awful?
It was reported, "significant among the reams of research are the so-called cortisol studies, which measured the presence of stress hormones in young babies – consistently finding levels to be higher in children in long hours of day care." Children in daycares and preschools are not developing properly, and equally as troubling, in later public schooling.

Your baby shouldn't be something you do on the side. You are spending more time at work then with your infant.


"Full-time day care, particularly group care, is especially harmful for children under the age of three. For two years we watched day care children in our preschool/day care center respond to the stresses of eight to ten hours a day of separation from their parents with tears, anger, withdrawal, or profound sadness, and we found, to our dismay, that nothing in our own affection and caring for these children would erase this sense of loss and abandonment. We came to realize that the amount of separation_the number of hours a day spent away from the parents_is a critical factor."

http://www.labouroflove.org/babies/mother%11infant-bonding/risks-of-daycare

Look at your life and what you are doing to this baby. Sell your car, clip coupons, find at home employment. This is your most precious gift. How could u do this?


*** The additional information you provided still doesn't sit well with me......I think it might be better off for you to be home or work part-time. It sounds like you complicated your life more by having a child. How can you be so selfish as to turn an infant over to ANY THIRD PARTY CARE? Did you not think of all this before hand?

Answer 10

I worked in a private school for 11 years and while this is a "normal" way of life for most, i encourage you do whatever you can to make a change to allow you to spend more time with your infant.. you only get one chance to see them grow and its the best years because the do cover SO many BIG milestones until they start kindergarten.