What should I do if I just found out my husband has a drug problem?

Question

I have never been to date a man that has a drug problem but some how I have married one and didn't even realize it. I knew when we got married that he was arrested at 17 for pocession of crack cocaine but I was told by him and all his friends that he hasn't done that since he got in trouble. Well I am 5 months pregnant been married since December 2005 and just found out that my husband was doing crack cocaine again. He is going to a drug addiction research lab Mon., Wed., and Fri. every week for outpatient treatment and it seems to be working but I know how strong the addiction can be for someone that has been doing it every 3-4 days for about 8 months. He works nights sometime because of his job so I never really suspected anything but then he lost control and went on a binge which is how I found out. Then he came clean and wanted to get help! Is it possible for him to change!?

Answer 1

Possible he can change.. but not quickly. Id kick his *** and leave him.

Answer 2

It sounds like he knows he has a problem and wants the help. Keep him in the program. Get as much help as you can. But love him and stand by his side. Let him know that you are there, remember your marriage vows. . .for better or for worse. It could be worse in that he could not care about anyone else and not seek out help. He know he has a problem. Drugs are a nasty demon that consume lives. It's going to be a tough road. Get him cleaned up so he can be there for that child. It will be the best awakening for him. It is possible for him to overcome his demon but it will be a lifelong battle. He needs to know you are by his side to get him through. It only take once to fall on the wagon. Get lots and lots of help, seek some counseling for yourself as well, so that you fully understand what he is going through.

I too am dealing with a family member doing cocaine. He has not yet realized that he needs help. We are working on getting him the help, but you can't help a person who doesn't want the help. Fortuantely for you, your husband is seeking help. However, he may need an inpatient rehab program if this research program doens't work.

Best of luck with your family, I hope all turns out well.

Answer 3

i was a heroin addict for 3.5 years shot up EVERYDAY 3-4 times a day. I went to a methadone program spent 9 months in I've been clean 15 months in all now. So yeah some do change BUT that some is VERY VERY FEW. Rehad has a horrible failure rate AA NA only have like a 10% success rate so keep that in mind. I still CRAVE all the time i still fight it i don't know I'll never go back. Make sure you Take CARE OF YOU! go TO MEETINGS 4 family support. Don't try to FIX him it's not your JOB. Don't let him fall back on you that will only make it all to easy 4 him to screw up again. EDUCATE yourself about addiction AND THE ADDICT. Addict lie and hide using and are rather great at it. If your going to stick this out your in for a hard life. I've smoke crack in 100% honestey i'ld pick kicking that over heroin anyday crack is over rated.

Answer 4

From my personal experience (both my father and brothers have drug addictions), the only thing you can do is support them. But keep in mind that they will only change if they truly want to, and even then sometimes temptation gives in. Its not going to be easy for you. You should try going to a couples therapy though. Because this wont be hard on just him, its going to be hard on you as well. And if he doesnt quit before your child is born, it will cause many problems for the child. Do you know if he was using when you conceived your child? If so, tell your doctor and have an amniocentisis or some other form of screening done to make sure that your child doesnt have any deformalities or neurological issues.

Answer 5

Ask my wife...lol... She could of asked this same question a few years back...After several years of alcohol sobriety and a few back opperations, I turned to abusing drugs to keep pain free and remain working... That was the insane justifivcation that I used... Anyway, I went for treatment and got the help that I needed.. My pain is somthing that remains with me.. I tried to play the hero for a long time and live with the pain.. But there is no reason to play a maryter in my life. I am now a stay at home dad raising two kids while my wife works to provide extra cash and medical insurance.. With the help of her and a few doctors and good friends, I am able to take narcotic pain medication without abusing it... Sure it is possiable for him to change.. It requiers alot of work on his part and a lot of trust and love on your part.. My children were a big help in making me want to refrain from abusing medication and him coming clean is a good sign that he is willing to accept his disease.. This may sound sort of weird, but beleive me.. no addict really wants to be an addict.. I know how stupid this minght sound to a NORMAL person, but it is true.. Addiction is a very powerful demon...When we accept the demon is when we begin to defeat him.. Keeping him at bay is not so much a battle as it is a respect. The only thing we can't do is drugs.. Sounds pretty simple... Like not parking on the wrong side of the road... Well anyway, Good Luck and if you need any help or would like to talk with my wife one on one than get in touch through my 360 page.. Good Luck and my prayers are with you..Billy

Answer 6

It's possible for him to change, but he has to be willing to too put each step forwarded and want too. He has along road ahead of him, its not going to happen over night, but if he can stay away from the people or things that make him decide to do that than it will help him recover more. If you decide to stay, you are going to have to be there for him to help him concur this addiction, it going to be hard but with time and patience i think it can be done. and really he needs to find an inpatient treatment because going only every other day he is bound for slip-ups. Only he can make the change though. Goodluck.

Answer 7

Its possible that he can change but he has to want to change he cant want help one day and then go on a cocaine binge for the next three days If hes sincere about beating this very strong addiction then stand by your man but do not become co dependent because then that makes it easier for him to have excuses as to why hes still doing it try to support him as long as hes getting help.

Answer 8

I had exactly the same problem!
Only mine decided to be a meth addict.
Thankfully, I found out before deciding to get pregnant.
I think that I may have had to inflict an end of life intervention on his behind. I can not imagine having a child through all of that. Would have been a better decision to go to jail in order to make certain that the maniac didn't end up with any sort of unsupervised visitation.
Yup mine said he was going to an outpatient rehab deal too. He lied.
Knowing what I know now, I would not have stuck around for the three plus years it took for me to realize that the guy was a lost cause. It was severely devastating to me. It was like living with the corpse of a person who used to love you, and the corpse has been filled by a person who lives to get high and sees you as the only hindrance to their lifelong dream, and therefore hates you. Is disgusted by you. Resents you for the pain their inflicting on themselves.
I know now, that my marriage was not real. I entered it with the full intent of loving this guy forever, but he never loved me. If he did, he would never have smoked meth that first time, and then never have continued to cover it up, and lie about it for the remainder of the marriage.
That first inhale, that was the end of my marriage.
Drug addicts find ways to twist things in their own minds, and twist your confidence in your own beliefs.
I think if you really believe that he's trying to quit, and will stay sober, then you both need to go to counseling. Over and above his outpatient rehab deal.
I also think that, unfortunately, you need to start looking at your marriage a whole lot differently. This guy is not going to sacrifice himself to take care of you, and your child. He's proven, by his actions, that he intends to look out for #1 first and foremost. You can never trust him the same way again.
You need to set up your own bank account, establish your own income, split your monetary responsibilities so that he can't spend his "half" on dope, get yourself a plan of escape for if and when it ever comes to the point that you need to leave, and then you can work on the rest of the relationship. Your first priority is going to have be your child, and that's a reality that you just can't leave up to somebody else's broken promises, and what your husband MIGHT be able to do. I'm sure that his intentions are good right now, and that he isn't lying right now, but you just don't know whether he'll ever do that crap again, and intentions won't keep food on the table, or his drug addict "friends" from putting you and yours in harms way. You need to go on from here believing that you'll have to support yourself, and your child by yourself, because up to now, that is what he's proven to you. That he isn't capable.
I wish you the best, I really feel for you, I hope that whatever you do, you will find happiness, love, and security for yourself and your baby.

Answer 9

He can change if he's really trying. You know if he's going to change or not, you, as a woman, have a gut feeling. Follow it. If you think he's serious about kicking the habit, help him. Support him. Be with him, and most of all, be patient with him. If you don't think he wants to do this, or if you think he's only pretending to keep you from leaving, get out now. Don't stay for the sake of the baby, it's the worse thing you can do if he won't get clean. Trust your gut, that is the best advice I can give you. Either way, good luck....you have a long road ahead of you!

Answer 10

It's always possible.. with the right help and the right support system.... but.... drug addictions can take over in a snap and you don't want him to bring you down too. Be prepared to kick him out of the house if it continues.. otherwise..... he'll go broke, start selling everything in the house, and you're going to be the one left holding the broken pieces and a newborn.... Good luck

Answer 11

Your husband is being unfaithful. That usually means sexual- but it is also ANYTHING done, knowing that it hurts the marriage. Personally, I'd give him ONE chance. Get clean, and NEVER touch drugs again. Assuming he cleans up, great. But, if he EVER uses drugs again- boot him. Don't tie yourself to a druggie, it's a no-win effort. And, don't just accept his word. I would require(as a condition of staying married) that he get drug tested ANY time YOU feel suspicious. If he trys to bargin, or objects, now or later- end it. Coke heads usually believe they can dabble with coke, and fool everybody. I'd want tests at random for a few years. Yes, it shows a lack of trust, but he's already showed he isn't trustworthy.