I stay at home all day with our 8 month old baby and my husband works until 4pm...?

Question

What is a fair share of time for him to be taking over helping with the baby each night? I don't want to overload him after his long day, but my days are long too. What are some opinions on this or any people who have gone through or are going through the same situation.

Answer 1

First off -- ignore some of these a**holes, who feel they have to answer your question with sarcasm.

I just went through this with my hubby. I was off for 3 months and stayed home with the baby. By the end of the day I felt like I was going crazy. I was in the house all day, met every need for my princess, and then when he got home I cooked for him and so on and so on. He helped me alot however, esp at night, but I felt bad b/c he was working all day, then would try to be up with her all night. It was easier for me to take that role because I could nap with her during the day while he was working.

I feel that an equal share is trying this: you keep the baby during the day, when he gets home, allow him to eat, get settle, etc., then you go do your thing...take a long bath, go walking, go to a bookstore and grab some coffee, etc. Get some "you" time. Try to stay away from house work while he is there. Do those things when the baby is sleep.

Congrats!

Answer 2

My son is 7 months old and I stay at home with him too. I decided that it's important my hubby can go to work without being groggy, so I stay up all night with the baby. Then I spend all day with the baby. If I've had just a really long day and need a break, I just hand the baby over when he gets home. Otherwise, he'll try to take the baby for a few hours each night to give me a break. However, I do find that when the baby's up all night I am exhausted...it works better when the baby sleeps through the night.

If you're tired and it's affecting your mood, health, or happiness--then something needs to change. I know I am a GREAT mother when I'm well rested, but it's hard for me when I'm tired. Just try some of the following things:

If your husband is a morning person, have him get up with the baby 1-2 hours before he leaves for work. (And have him put the baby back in the crib with toys and Cheerios.)

Have your husband take the baby anywhere away from you for at least 2 hours a day. THEN, do something for yourself during that time. (Don't clean!)

Have your husband do some of the cleaning duties. Have him do the dishes and pick up the house before he leaves for work...

Hang in there...

Answer 3

Depending on when he goes to work in the morning, the middle of the night stuff may fall more to you if you are able to sleep late. I don't think that is unreasonable since you don't want him to be exhausted everyday at work. That being said, he should help out in the evenings with baths, feedings, etc. It is really easy to take over yourself, either to keep from "burdening" him or because you feel like you know what you are doing; but when you do that, you are only feeding into the idea that he is unable to do the baby stuff, and so on and so on. Start small: have him give the baby a bath a few nights a week, get him used to reading her a book or participating in the bedtime routine in some way. Also, even if he doesn't always do that stuff, he must help with dinner and the basic household chores. You work hard during the day too, and while I don't think you should just hand him a list of stuff to do when he comes in the door, he has other responsibilities beyond just his job. Emphasis how important it is for you to feel like you two are in this together; also, remind him that if you get help in the evenings and are not totally exhausted when you fall into bed, you might have more energy for other things, like sex.

Answer 4

That sounds familiar-I am currently staying at home with out 3-year old. As far as him taking over...my husband came up with the idea that I would have 1 hour a day to do whatever I wanted. I know that sounds ridiculous. I don't think they really understand how time-consuming a kid can be, especially an eight month old. I don't know if many couples ever find a balance, and then eventually the kids become more self-sufficient.

I have found that telling my husband about how hard my day has been does NOT work. I think they get it a bit, but if you were in their shoes, wouldn't it seem like we're getting off easy? What they don't get is that if we don't get a mental break to regroup we'll go nuts. Maybe you'll get an hour or so,too. If you do,make sure you leave the house. If you're home, the kid and your husband will still go to you for stuff out of habit. Good luck.

Answer 5

"sunbun" is obviously a man or has no children. It was both you AND your husband's decision to have a child. I would think that giving you a little time (if not but 20 minutes to relax in the tub) is not asking too much. I have a 20 month old, am in school, and run my own piano studio, so I know it's a LOT of work to have a child and home to take care of. Don't feel bad for needing help- your job is THE most important job you'll ever have. And one of the hardest. Only a mother would understand how exhausted you are at the end of the day.

Answer 6

Ha Ha Ha .....

Your baby is 8 months old and your still dreaming things are going to be fair??????

I started taking naps when my son took naps, or at least laying down or doing something relaxing like laundry. I just had to manage my days.

I know the feminist out there will scream, but realistically, the stay at home person has the hardest job because it doesn't stop, but we have more control over what we do....eventually your child will get older and life will become easier.

My husband helps with bedtime and entertains my son while I clean up dinner. My husband helped one night on the weekend so we each got one day to sleep in a little....I was breastfeeding so there wasn't much point to his getting up anyway.

We just muddled through...our son is now 4 and we are getting ready to do it again in the winter.

Answer 7

Suggest that your husband take one night a week to help out. It might be too much considering he works during the day. Or if that isn't a good arrangement my husband always took a Saturday or a Sunday I rested, took care of myself, or just pampered myself. You have a hard job too. Being a stay at home mother isn't sitting on your butt all day unless you are neglectful. IF he is a caring husband he will understand and will help out when and where he can. But remember if you baby permits it then you should be able to nap when the baby does and I would take full advantage of that. Remember your husband can't nap during the day. Good luck!

Answer 8

If you are a stay at home Mom, take a nap when your child does. Daddy should have a play time in the evening after supper, maybe while your cleaning up the kitchen. Or once a week while your visiting a friend Dad can give you a break. Your very lucky you can afford to stay home with your little one, so many couples don't have that choice.

Answer 9

Every mother has gone through this and it does seem unfair. Get a relative or friend to stay with your baby while you go out for a couple of hours, alone or with your husband. You're in the house too much and the resentment will affect the child and your marriage.

Answer 10

I do not know if there is a fair share, but he should be offering to help you constantly. I think people who do not spend a lot of time with children need to understand how difficult it is to be with them all day, and sometimes we need help. Me and my husband both work full time and go to school full time and we have two kids, our son is almost 3 and our daughter is almost 5 months old. We both spend as much time with the kids as possible and sometimes we each need a break. You need to learn to ask for help if he is not already giing it. You did not have a baby on your own!