Is it a good idea for an adopted person to meet their birth parent(s)?

Answer 1

i knew someone that did. they were not happy with the results and decided not to see them again, but in the end they were happier for the knowing.

it's a too personal varied thing to be able to comment so generally on. there could be a million and one reasons for them to have put a child up for adoption. but in the end it's down to the child if they want to live with not knowing or not.

they would also have to realise the adoptive parents feelings. even if they just needed to know the parents may see it as some criticism of the way they brought them up, even if it isn't.

personally I'd need to know but i can see why someone who had a very lovely upbringing would like to just chose to ignore the past and be happy with what they have.

Answer 2

Its a good idea if the adopted person wants it. Do you know anyone who has been adopted? I do. She's a lovely girl who idolises her adoptive parents. Still, she wants to meet who gave birth to her and to find out why she was given up for adoption.
If you don't know the reason for it you can easily regard it as rejection. It might have been the most selfless act the mother ever made but what use is that to the child if she doesnt know?
The girl I know often looks at people in the street and wonders 'is that my mother?'. The law now states that an adopted person has the right to trace their parents and the law is right. Where you came from is not who you are, but you have a right to know about it if you want to.

Answer 3

I am a first mom who placed my child for adoption when I was 16. I recently found my daughter and she doesn't seem very interested. Some days I'm glad I found her and some days I wish she had just told me from the start she wasn't interested. Only you know if you are truly open to a relationship or not. I will say that if you do not want a relationship DO NOT meet with her family or children if she has other children. I made this mistake and my kids were very emotionally traumatized to have their sister explain to them that she wasn't their 'real' sister because she had been adopted. So don't met with her children, especially if they aren't adults, if you don't think you want them to get to know you. It will just be heartbreaking for them. As a first mother I want to tell you to go in with an open mind and give it a chance. But I also recognize that you are a grown woman and a mother and I won't insult you by saying you don't know your own mind. It just seems like a sad situation all around. But I do feel you should meet with her at least once. I don't agree with the suggestions that you send her a letter saying you aren't ready. Even though my own reunion didn't turn out how I'd always hoped and prayed it would, I could never regret getting to see my daughter with my own eyes, see how beautiful she grew up to be, and have that experience, even with the heartbreak it brought me. I stll cherish that I met her, hugged her, touched her and spoke to her in person. A letter would not have done that for me.

Answer 4

Depends on the circumstance. Why did the person give the baby up for adoption? Couldn't afford it, teenage pregnancy... just didn't want the responsbility? It is different in every case, but remember, there is a reason the person gave you up, and if you grew up in a loving home, remember that the parents that raised you gave you that opportunity and they have big hearts as well.

Answer 5

I believe that the person should see his birth parents and try to make a new fresh loving and caring relationship without ignoring the real parents which are (the adoptors) ,and when i said the( real parents), thats because the real parents are the parents which rised that baby and made him a good human being so he or she must treats the both as a good boy or daughter.

Answer 6

I think it would depend on the individual, the reasons for the individual being adopted.

I like to think, if for any reason I have a baby and decide to give it up for adoption, I like to think that some point in the future, maybe the child will come and find me and I can sit down and explain why/ what my reasons are for giving them up for adoption.

Also, I like to think if I had been adopted, I would be brave enough to find my birth parents and ask them why and try to find out more about them and thus about me.

But also, it is important to remember that your 'family' is who has cared for you and brought you up xxx

Answer 7

A friend has recently been reunited with her son whom she had adopted at birth,it was something which could not be avoided,he traced his birth mum,He is now very happy,she is now very happy,but the 'mum'who raised him bought him uo to be a lovely young man has been pushed aside.I feel it is something you need to think really hard about and consider everyone involved

Answer 8

It could be a good idea if it helps to talk about the circumstances that led to adoption.It could help the adopted person think about his or her identity.

Answer 9

Only if all parties agree. If anyone isn't happy for whatever reason, their could be a lot of hurt which may have been avoided.
Some questions could get answers which some people don't like.
It might be best to leave it unanswered.

Answer 10

I BELIEVE YOU SHOULD LEAVE THAT UP TO YOUR CHILD WHEN HE OR SHE IS MATURE ENOUGH TO UNDERSTAND THE CIRCUMSTANCES THAT HE OR SHE WAS PUT UP FOR ADOPTION. IF THIS IS FOR AN ADULT I WOULD WRITE THE REASONS WHY AND WHY NOT ON A PIECE OF PAPER. IF THE WHY'S OUT NUMBER THE WHY NOTS THEN GO FOR IT...IF NOT DO THE REVERSE.