I just caught him last night talking to this girl who has been secretly under the name bob on his phone....he has been talking to "bob" for a couple months. Bob is really Kevlyn and she text him last night asking if he would call when he got the chance...he says its nothing...
2006-09-05 08:17:01 · 51 answers · asked by kikosgirl83 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
ok...We have been together for 7 years and we have 1 child...I THOUGHT our marraige was awsome...we get along great..our sex life is great. He told me that she works with him, and he helped her out on buying a car from our friend who owns a dealership and then they just kept on writing each other and talking. he said he shouldn't have but he was and it was nothing serious just friendly convo. BUT if it was just friend;y convo...why under a mans name and why did the text say call me when you can are you around her...and then when i called she hung up on me...humm
2006-09-05 09:57:59 · update #1
he also has lots of female friends that he DOESN'T HIDE
2006-09-05 11:58:04 · update #2
I used to be "the other lady" in a relationship. And my lover and I used name codes if he's talking to the phone with his wife around. He was married. But I was the one who dumped him. It's not worth it.
I would suggest for you to be suspicious but don't get busted being that way. Wait for the right moment to know the real score. Don't be obvious so that if it's nothing to be alarmed about, u won't be on the embarrassing side.
2006-09-05 08:40:16 · answer #1 · answered by Kim B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What did you think he would say?? Come on he put her name in his phone under a guys name!! He's lying and he's cheating, if he wasn't he wouldn't have needed to hide it. Don't let him fool you, you know better! Cheating is anything you wouldn't do with your partner right beside you (if its not right you wouldn't do it with them looking) - he obviously wouldn't have the talks he does with this girl with you right there or she wouldn't have been listed under bob - and/or anything that it wouldn't be ok with you if your partner was doing it (don't expect anyone to put up with anything that you wouldn't put up with yourself) - do you think it would be ok with him if you were carrying on a relationship (because thats what he's doing), of any kind with some guy you put in your phone as karen?
The first thing to do in a situation like this is realize there is a pattern to the healing process, first there is a lot of anger, second there may be a period when you have sex with your partner a lot in order to 'stake your claim' or win your partner back, then the real affects of what has happened set in and thats when you know whether it is something you can deal with or not. I didn't realize this and made mistakes and big decisions while still going through this process and they turned out to be the wrong decisions. I feel that if I had known about this pattern I could have seen things more clearly.
As far as continuing the relationship or not you first need to determine whether or not getting over it is something you should do. I saw 7 things that can help you determine this:
Is it an isolated incident or a pattern of behavior? (including past relationships, even if its the first time he cheated on you has he cheated on other gf's) Remember it counts even if he's done it more than once with the same girl...each betrayal is a separate incident and a separate decision he made to lie to you and hide things from you so this doesn't mean there has to be 6 girls in his phone, 6 calls to one girl is still 6 times.
Does he own it (take full blame) or does he make excuses for why it happened? He's making excuses (its nothing)
Does he REALLY grasp the damage he's done to you and your relationship or does he just pay it lip service? Hec he won't even admit it is something.
Is he sorry for the choice he made or sorry that he got caught?
Is he willing to do what it takes to clean up the mess he made, whatever it takes and however long it takes? or does he want to deny it and move on? He's denying like crazy!
Is it out of character for him or is he insenstive about other things too? (respects your feelings, treats you with dignity, etc)
Is it a legacy or a new behavior? did he grow up in a family where this happened? if its what he learned thats a big clue.
Once you've gone through these and IF you determine that the answers all favor a successful relationship then you take it one day a at a time, if its a history or a pattern you leave and realize that it is the idea of the relationship that you 'love' and not the reality, surely you don't define being loved as someone that devestates you emotionally and doesn't care that he did, won't acknowledge it, won't even admit it. You have a lot of thinking to do, but don't worry it WILL get better and you will be ok! The only thing worse than being fooled as long as you already have been is being fooled for another day on top of it.
2006-09-05 08:30:25 · answer #2 · answered by dappersmom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it is nothing, why does she and him use a alias. Why is Kevlyn being called Bob a name of a guy.
If it is nothing, they sure have made it look like something.
I don't know if he's the cheating type of man but he sure know the tools of the trade.
First, your husband need to not tell you its nothing but explain something to you on how Bob, I mean Kevlyn has come to be and why he need to communicate with her.
Does your husband have a job that make him prone to secrecy like a undercover agent and changing of names is common in his line of work if not, I suggest he give you a open and honest answer into who this person is and just what she means to him that he need to talk with her for several months.
The fact that you believe your husband isn't the cheating type could work against you if you are faced with situations that show he might be cheating you wouldn't be able to know whether he was because your mind would be blindfolded to the truth right before your eyes.
Now this could be a innocent friendship that he doesn't want you to be upset over but as his wife you deserve a better explanation than its nothing and to prevent nothing from becoming something, I suggest you sit him down and try to get to the bottom of this issue before it escalates.
2006-09-05 09:12:40 · answer #3 · answered by words from the heart 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would sit him down, look him in the eye and make him talk about this "bob". He says it's nothing, well ask him specific questions. Ask him why, if it's nothing, did he keep it from you? If it's nothing, then there should be nothing to hide. If he just had her in there as Kevlyn and told you about her and how he knew her etc, it would be fine. However, he kept it from you. What's the reason for the secrecy? Talk to him. MAKE him talk to you even if you have to follow him around the house asking the same question over and over.
2006-09-05 08:21:01 · answer #4 · answered by Mrs. Brooks 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you trust him? If he says it's nothing then it's probably nothing. Maybe Kevlyn is Bob's secretary for a company he's working with. Maybe she's helping him plan some kind of surprise trip for you. I wouldn't jump too quickly to conclusions. My girlfired found a piece of paper in the trash can with the name Angela on it and some numbers. She was suspicious of me for months until I proposed to her with the ring that Angela, a ring designer, custom made for her.
2006-09-05 08:18:56 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm in a similar situation but my husband calls her by her name now and he's asking for a divorce. I've been the perfect wife but he seems to want something else. Put an end to it now. When he's talking to her put on something sexy and walk to the kitchen or just stand there naked. Get his attention ^_^ Good luck
2006-09-05 09:34:16 · answer #6 · answered by babie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
call it yourself! Deal with "kevlyn" first, let her know who you are, how long you have been married and stress the word MARRIED! Then deal with your husband. But first call "BOB" and find out for your self what is going on? She may not even know your husband is a married man. Be nice when you call as honey attracts more flies than vinegar.
2006-09-05 08:24:08 · answer #7 · answered by Rocky C 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is something because if it was nothing the name would have never been "bob" on his phone. You have every right to know. He needs to tell you the truth. If he wants something else it is fair to let you know.
2006-09-05 08:25:59 · answer #8 · answered by iseestupidpeopleeverywhere 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Looks like you need to do some more investigating. Also, call the cell phone company and have the text plan taken off his phone.
2006-09-05 08:19:27 · answer #9 · answered by bigfree_2005 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men are so confusing. It may be nothing, but, how can you be sure. Just be ready for alot of pain. If it's nothing, then he needs to tell you everything. why?? he's talking to her, why??? he hid her under the name bob. etc... good luck, I really feel for you.
2006-09-05 08:59:55 · answer #10 · answered by sweetness 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋