im am currently overseas in the military and am possibly going to be going thru a divorce in the next couple of months..its the hardest thing ive experianced in life so far...the result of this is because of my somewhat distrust and accusational behavior towards my wife..i dont want to get a divorce from my wife at all, but she seems a little unsure at times she wants to do it,but other times she seems definate on it,all the while iknow it has been because of my behaviors towards her...what can i do to change how iam and what can i do to help her see theres light at the end of the tunnel.its a diffacult situation because im so far away and wont be home until january 07....ive tried to ask her if we could go thru counseling befor we make any decisions but shes unresponsive to that.i know shes hurting very much from the way that iam and have been....but i know that i can and will change my behaviors...does anyone have a solution or advice ican use to help possibly save our marriage?
2006-09-05 08:09:22 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Awww I'm sorry you are going through this I am a military wife and what you guys dont understand is that the loneliness and the seperation affects us in very much the same way it does you we know that you have a job to do and the military is unpredictable but its very hard on us just like it is on you especially when you are used to coming home on a daily basis and then all of a sudden you are gone either to the war zone which adds more stress on us and even if you arent in the war zone its not easy for us in my case I to wanted to Divorce my Husband while he was out to sea and I said it many many times I am sick of you and the Navy to but I really didnt mean it I was stressed and I was hurt from being alone alot I knew he had a job to do but he didnt understand that I to was feeling the same things he was feeling I will tell you what worked for us because he had the same feelings you did we both went to counseling and when he returned we went to couples counseling and shortly after we finished counseling the therapist we had said this next deployment will either make or break your relationship,you have to get over your fear that shes being unfaithful and she has to find other ways to deal with the stress and loneliness that comes with you being away doing your job in other words if trust is an issue you and her have to work on that if she has a computer at home try to email her as often as you can reassure her that you love her and you trust her even if you dont trust her try showing her that you are giving her the benefit of the doubt unless she gives you a reason to mistrust her and in that case then you will have to explore other options such as a divorce or you have to decide if you can forgive her or not I wish you well.
2006-09-05 08:27:06 · answer #1 · answered by CaliMa 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sure it's very difficult for you both with your job and all but when you married it was (for better or worse). If you know for certain you will be home in jan. 07,then you must ask your wife to hold off on any major decisions until you get home and you have some time together. Who knows,the both of you may fall in love all over again. Either that or you both will know there's no point in continuing on with the marriage. But nothing should be decided until you have had some time to spend together and then go from there.
2006-09-05 08:40:11 · answer #2 · answered by Lisa 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well have you beat the 10 year average length of a marriage now days? And most say they are miserable after that 10 year mark but stay for the "kids sake" which has been proven to be the worst thing for the kids. Sex might have something to do with it, but in some cases it has nothing to do with it, some men just think a younger woman being attracted to them is the ego boost they need.
2016-03-17 08:38:38 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to talk to a counselor while you are overseas, I think you need to apologies to your wife, It is just the separation from her, that is making you like that. She does not need the counseling, you do, try and get it together, Write her a nice long letter expressing yourself, tell her you do not want to lose her, that she is your life, and lets start off on another page, They lived happily ever after. Say your Prayers! Peace!
2006-09-05 08:19:29 · answer #4 · answered by roseannetb@verizon.net 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take a holiday. You already know what the problem is. Trust is important in a marriage. Show her that you love her. She'll love you. Don't be a statistic please TRY hard at it
2006-09-05 09:37:10 · answer #5 · answered by babie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I beleive in destiny but I still think you have to fight to save your marriage. Especially if you have children.
This ebook is a good resource to understand causes of your marital issues and to learn some important tips --> http://savemarriage.toptips.org
2014-09-25 21:34:10 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I suggest you don't give up, write to her, call her, show her that you won't only change, but you are changing. Words are just words it's all about the actions that will tell her that you mean what you say.
2006-09-05 08:35:00 · answer #7 · answered by kimber g 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
then change. begin to trust her. show her that you trust her. nobody wants to be in a relationship where there is no trust.
2006-09-05 08:15:36 · answer #8 · answered by h_nanny 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋