We have been together (serious) about 3 years going on 4. He has hurt me alot in the past, and I mean ALOT! and For some odd reason I decided to stay with him. Now we just recently moved out of state to "start a new life together" as a family, ( we have an 11 month old daughter and i'm 4 months pregnant) and he's changed I'de say about 95%. He pays more attention to me he's more sweet, he cuddles more all that sweet stuff, and we havn't been arguing or anything, but everynight I lay next to him and think about all the things he did to me and I've been wanting to leave him, but i'm not sure. I've never felt like this before, and now I'm just starting to not want attention not wanting sex not wanting to be around him, (i havn't told him though) and I feel bad.
is this normal? Should I try and make things work? Is it wrong for me to think this way? I'm so confused. but I do love him, Help!!!
sorry for any mis-spellings.
2006-09-05 07:47:25 · 26 answers · asked by nani l 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Leave if he mistreats you, let him know first.
2006-09-05 07:50:24 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know how it feels, I have been with my husband for over 25 years, he has hurt me like I would never thought there was other women going through the same.
We have 3 sons, and for my son's sake I decided to stay. I used to be the loving and carrying one, but all that that he did to me made me change to the point he noticed it.
I was patient enough to wait for better times, I prayed to God a lot to allow me to forgive him, I finally forgave him, it was worth the patience and the waiting, now our sons are independent young man and my husband and I have the best relationship ever.
He's 52 and I am 44, we even act as if we were younger. Our relationship reached a mature point and I think the same will happen to you.
It's so normal you feel that way, but try to look up to the future, the past is something you'll never forget, but you'll find out that it happened for a reason, sometimes trials and tribulations are the ones that make you stronger and maturer in life.
Talking about your problems help more than you can imagine.
Hang on there and enjoy everything you got now.
God Bless you.
2006-09-05 15:07:13 · answer #2 · answered by Mother of three 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband put me through pure hell for the first 10 yrs. of my marraige.And I like you cant explain why I stayed with him.We have 3 kids together.After I finally had enough I sent him on vacation by hisself for the first time,after unloading my feelings and telling him I was loosing the love I felt for him and that he needed to figure out what he wanted,to be with us and treat us right or leave us alone and not put us through the hell anymore.He too did a 95% change and started treating us like he should've in the first place.We needed the space to figure out some things,He treats me and my kids like gold.Sometimes he goes overboard and I feel like im being smothered.I know I can trust him now.He has appologized numerous times for his mistakes and is making up for it now and I know he's sincere and would never go back to the way we were before.But,I lost the feelings I had for him a long time ago.And trying very badly to get them back.It's been 7 yrs. now since he's changed,I love him alot,but dont know if I can ever BE IN LOVE with him again.Im just waiting for the day for this to happen.If it dont,I dont think we'll be together forever.But,I have to try for all of us. You really should try to make things work with youre husband.And the first step would be for you to spend time away from him.Have a long talk with him and tell him exactly how you feel.And take a vacation or stay with a friend or family member.It will do all of you alot of good.You both need time and space right now.By the way,my husband is a recovering alcoholic.He's got 6yrs. sobriety.
2006-09-05 15:40:33 · answer #3 · answered by mygrandparentsrthebestintheworld 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well what is your reason for not wanting all that attention and whatever? It could mean the past is what is making you think like this but before one door can open the other door has to be closed. Get it. Get over the past before you can move on. If that is not the problem then maybe you are afraid. I'm not sure but good luck and you need to talk to him talking helps in a relationship. You have kids so think about that too. Good luck
2006-09-05 14:57:07 · answer #4 · answered by iseestupidpeopleeverywhere 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OMG... I went thought the exact same thing. I was with my ex for 10 years, I never truly trusted him 100%, I was always crying and upset, I mean there were a lot of good time, but I always felt something was wrong. But I would fight for him to stay. Did not want him to go... Then we got married, had a child, and the sex just stopped, I had no interest anymore, did not want him to cuddle with me or even touch me. He finally got sick of me ignoring him and left, but I thought that to be so strange. I guess the whole excitement of the relationship was to make him change, make him stay and once they do, our battle is over, we won so we lose interest. Let me tell you though, a relationship like this one, is doomed anyway. I learned that once you lost trust, it never comes back. So I would leave. Be happy, find somebody where this crazy game does not have to be played. Somebody you can trust and dont have to go crazy trying to get them to change. It happened to me. I am really happy now. No more chase, no more games, just love. Good luck.
2006-09-05 15:03:44 · answer #5 · answered by jam_psb 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's your pregnancy hormones at work. They make you think more, they amplify problems, more moody, more agitated. Also, it's very, very common (like 50% of women), to NOT have any sexual desires, whatsoever during pregnancy.
Don't dwell on the past, if he's changed 95%, that is super good! Most men don't change, ever! You should consider yourself lucky. You didn't leave him when he was bad to you, but now he is good to you, you want to leave? Especially, now you have kids together. He deserves a chance.
Trust me, it's the pregnancy hormones. Hang in there. All will be better.
2006-09-05 14:55:06 · answer #6 · answered by mom_of_ndm 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should try to make things work. I understand he has caused you pain in the past but he has changed for you and is showing you that change and NOW you don't appreciate it. It could be the hormones from your pregnancy that are turning you off from sex and attention. When you give birth to your next baby, I am pretty sure everything will return to normal. Your man has caused you a great deal of emotional scars but he seems to be working hard to heal them, so be patient.
2006-09-05 14:52:56 · answer #7 · answered by ♪Msz. Nena♫ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are truly going to "start a new life together" then you have to forgive him for all the bad things that he has done in the past or you entire life will be just like you feel now. If you can not ever really forgive him, then I hate to say it but I think you should follow your heart and leave.
2006-09-05 15:08:17 · answer #8 · answered by jacemo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The math does not add up... How do you have an 11 month old and now four months pregnant??? Unless you did not give birth to the 11 month old.
Anyway, it does sound like he has changed for the better. Maybe it's just the pregnancy things. I know when I was pregnant I didn't want my husband to even look at me much less touch me. give it some time.
2006-09-05 14:53:57 · answer #9 · answered by jeter2 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you need to forgive him. You have a lot of resentment towards him and if you don't get past it it will ruin your relationship. Will he consider marriage counseling? But, baby girl, sometimes the hurt runs to deep for you to be able to let go of it. Have you looked at the kind of love you feel for him? Is it bcuz he's the father of your kids or bcuz you love him as a husband as well? It also depends on what he did to hurt you, cheating and abuse is something you will never forget. Do what you think is right for you and your kids. Good luck!
2006-09-05 14:58:38 · answer #10 · answered by Pildi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you haven't forgave him for all that he has done to you. you have a choice either forgive him and let him love you. Or continue to resent him and start hating him. If you don't let this go eventually you will hate him. Only you know if you can forgive him. Remember we aren't perfect and we all make mistakes. My husband broke up with me four times before he proposed. I was scared to tak a chance again because I was afraid he'd do the same thing again. But I chose to forgive him for what he did and let him show me he's changed. It has been wonderful every since. But it wasn't okay until I was able to forgive! Good Luck! Follow your heart!
2006-09-05 14:55:33 · answer #11 · answered by faith 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋