My partner and I have been together for about 6years. We split up for about 8 months last year and he started to see a girl from work more or less straight away for about 8 weeks. We have since got back together but i am having bad trust issues. We have a 4 year old son together and I would like things to work out. The only problem is he still works with this girl and plenty of others and when we had an argument the other night he mentioned 4 possible people that fancied him. I also checked his phone which i know is wrong but any recent messages have been deleted. I cant seem to pull myself together and find myself getting more concerned that there is something going on. Mostly im scared of humiliating myself. He says he loves me.
2006-09-05 07:35:51 · 22 answers · asked by Laura G 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
this sounds exactly like someone i know. i feel very sorry for you,as having a small child probably confuses you about whether to stay or go.
not many if any, woman will be able to deal with him still working, with someone he was seeing. but the worst thing is that he speaks of who fancies him. disgusting , he is firstly pumping his own ego,and despicably working on lowering your self confidence.in fact i would say that a man who uses that tactic ,would be the first one i show out the door. he may love you, but never as much as he thinks he loves himself. i say think ,because anyone having to prove that they are amorous has a serious problem, and doesn't really accept himself.
as painful as it would be ,i would advise you to either get couple therapy,or leave him. you do not want to spend the rest of your life wondering what he is up to. there really is life after a broken relationship ,and perhaps your child will eventually have a father figure who can teach him better values.
ia m a romantic at heart and do like tosee people work out their problems,as most can be overcome , but it needs 2 willing partners.
be strong and believe in yourself.
2006-09-09 04:27:15 · answer #1 · answered by saywot? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The basis of any realtionship is trust. And it appears there is a lack of it in your realtionship. You are constantly going to be wondering whehter your husband is seeing someone else, when his phone beeps you are going to be wondering whether it is another woman, the fact you felt the need to look at his phone suggests this has got way out of control.
It is not right of him to use the fact that other girls fancy him as a comeback in an argument. It sounds like he thinks you should be grateful that he sticks with you when he could have his pick of the crop!? How dare he!???
You could try sitting down with him and discuss how you feel about it all openly. Tell him your concerns, tell him you are finding it difficult to trust him. Be honest. Ignoring your feelings for the sake of saving this realtionship is the worst thing you could do. You will end up unhappy and resentful.
If things don't work out, you will just have to accept that the realtionship may have come to an end. But that needn't be a bad thing. Staying in a trustless realtionship will leave you more unhappy than if you were to accept it is over and move on.
You will get through it, and for the sake of your son, you need to sort this out sooner rather than later.
Good luck x
2006-09-07 01:33:25 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
"...argument the other night he mentioned 4 possible people that fancied him."
is he telling you that he don't have to put up with your drama?
"...The only problem is he still works with this girl and plenty of others and when we had an ..."
hmmm....
"... We split up for about 8 months last year and he started to see a girl from work more or less straight away for about 8 weeks..."
Looks like he can move forward with his life, doesn't it?
"We have since got back together ..."
Giving you another chance, huh?
"...but i am having bad trust issues..."
Now what did you say broke you 2 up the last time?"
"I cant seem to pull myself together ..."
So, how can we do this for you?
"...He says he loves me."
.
.
2006-09-05 07:53:30 · answer #3 · answered by DM 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have these feeling they sound pretty darn valid to me. Don' t stay with him for the 4 year old because the child will feel the tension in your relationship with the father. What bothers me the most is the fact that he chose to see someone else when you were gone...Don't waste your time with the games because that will surely be a self esteem wrecker plus, remember this, always make yourself the most important thing in the relationship...It might be hard to let go at first but hold on to your self respect...You will be proud of yourself in the end. Best wishes to you I am so sorry that you are going through that.
2006-09-05 07:46:29 · answer #4 · answered by Blessed1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he loves u he shouldn't be trying to throw things in your face about 4 people just to cause u pain! If u don't trust him then u shouldn't b together clearly Ur not happy and should find someone that makes u happy. I hate the situation for ur son's sake but do what u have 2 do!
2006-09-05 07:41:17 · answer #5 · answered by Ash 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im in this situation mostly all the time but now hes changed jobs away from the ones that caused us problems, i dont have trust in me from the last relationship and im finding it difficult after 4years, it is going to be hard but if you dont talk to your guy then your never going to get any answers luv.
You just need to sit down together tell him the way you feel and sort something out wether its him changing jobs or you getting help with the trust issue im going through help at the mo and it is ok but it still goes through your head is he going behind my back will he go back to the other girl! try putting these voices in ur head to the back and talk to your guy if he loves you enough he will talk to you and try to work it out if not then what are you doing with him woman lol.
You'll get there if you just talk to one another, it worked for mew hun try it.
Hope it all goes well xxxxxx
2006-09-09 03:25:47 · answer #6 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"No Trust, No Us" is a simple rule to follow in this situation. It's not your fault you don't trust him because he did start a relationship with someone else as well as naming 4 possible women he'd most likely like to have sex with.
I would suggest to you relationship counseling. You have trust issues and he has infidelity issues becuase him fancying other women could lead to adultery. The two of you need to get professional help to learn how to be in this relationship as a team and to compromise when it comes down to everything.
2006-09-05 07:55:52 · answer #7 · answered by ♪Msz. Nena♫ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust is the main issue here, you want to trust, but he is not making it easy for you....He should do everything in his power to see that you can trust him and by deleting messages and such is a sure sign that he is hiding something.... You will go round in circles and you know in you heart that something is not right....Try and move on for your own sanity and your little boys happiness...If he truely loves you he will always be there for you and will want to prove this... good luck I have been where you are...
2006-09-07 14:28:03 · answer #8 · answered by bty53404242 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you can't trust him your relationship is pretty much doomed because you'll always be second guessing him and eventually will cause rifts between you guys. I'm not all for walking away until you've tried every last resort so I suggest you talk to him and be very frank about how you're feeling. Afterwards you can finally decide what you want to do.
2006-09-05 07:43:05 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to think about why you split last year and why you got back together he went out with this girl after you split anything that he did during the split should not count you. Think about what you want and if you know he cannot give you this then get out.
2006-09-05 07:47:36 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋