My parents have passed away, I have no siblings, no family nor friends. I live 2400 miles away from where I grew up. The pain is so great that I can't work because I am in the customer service field. I cannot go to work and be chipper and smile in my present condition. I just do not know what to do. I have no money.
I have never abused my wife phycially or mentally. I did not see this coming. Several months ago she suddenly stopped drinking achohol and her mood changed, exercising and getting up early in the morning. I love her more than life itself and I am hurting so bad, I have never felt pain this bad in my entire life, even when my parents passed it was not this bad. I feel like my life is over. I can't remember how life was before my wife came into it. I need help and I can't afford consul . I can't seem to deal with the pain of her loss. She was my backbone, my pillar, my foundation, the love of my life. My life feels worhtless without her. I can't stop crying. I love her.
2006-09-05 07:14:25 · 19 answers · asked by sharkscue 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am so sorry that you are going thru this. I know whatever any of us has to say will not ease your pain but believe me, life does go on. She definitely has some issues that she needs to address herself but to just walk out and leave with no explanation is inexcusable. You definitely deserve better
There is help for you as far as someone to talk to. You sound depressed and there are people who can help you. Please don't let this make you feel like you are less of a person. You should not do that to yourself. Nobody is worth you thinking you are nothing. You are worthy of love and you will find the right person. Sometimes it just takes a kick in the gut to see that what you think you had really wasn't.
Don't let this jeopardize your career. The best thing for you right now is to stay busy. That will help keep your mind busy. Take a deep breath and reassess your life and your priorities. For once, put yourself first. Right now, you are all you have and you need to be strong. Just remember, when one door closes, God always opens a window.
Best of luck, be strong, and you WILL get thru this.
(how do I know? I was married 18 years and went thru a very similiar situation. I am now remarried to the true love of my life).
God bless.
2006-09-05 07:26:16 · answer #1 · answered by bonjovigroupie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Man, have I been there.
My counselor said there was no greater pain in all humanity, & I agree.
It does get better with time. Every day that passes, it gets a little better. You need to move on in your own mind & accept it.
Spend some time in the library. Anything written by Harriet Lerner is good. I would also highly recomment "The Five Love Languages". There are many more....you could spend a lot of free time at a library.
Once you are feeling better you can begin getting your life back together, whether with her or without her.
2006-09-05 07:28:17 · answer #2 · answered by hellsbells 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I just hate it when someone has to go thru this. The same thing happened to me 2 years ago. I went to work and he left while I was gone. There was a note in the mailbox saying "I'm just not happy".Like you, I had no idea there was a problem. We had been married 16 years, and were best friends, so I thought. My counselor finally made me realize that he (my ex) made his own decision to leave and it had nothing to do with me. I had no reason for shame or guilt because I had not caused him to leave. Come to find out there was a younger woman at work that wanted him (he was a challenge since he was a married man). Well, she kicked him to the curb 3 weeks after they got together, and then I let him come home. It did not last 2 weeks when I asked him to leave. I did not trust him anymore, and I just couldn't get over how he left me. I asked for a divorce and 2 months later it was final. My counselor told me not to date for 6 months, and to think about things I wanted to do for myself. Since then, I found how I was really stronger and smarter than I thought, and that I survived the worst time in my life. You will make it thru this, and one day you will wake up and think "I am feeling great today"!!
2006-09-05 08:06:34 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps your wife couldn't stand being depended on so much.
But of course people marry for better or for worse. And her moving out is a betrayal of her marriage vows. She should have sought marriage counselling instead of moving out.
Perhaps you not having any money is a good thing. You won't have to pay her any alimony.
Eventually you will get over your feelings for her. And eventually you will want to have another lady in your life. And to make sure that you don't end up being lonely for the rest of your life, you should start saving and accumulating money for another marriage and family.
When you have a reasonable amount of savings and a steady income, then finding a young lady for marriage is not a problem even if you are an older man.
I have travelled in the country of Thailand where I've met many young ladies who would love to meet a man like you for companionship and marriage. They all want a man who never abuses his wife physically or mentally and who takes care of her needs well.
And it's this last part you need to work on. These women believe in traditional marriages where the man is the breadwinner and the woman is the housewife and the mother. And these women judge and value their man on the basis of how good of a breadwinner he is and how well is he likely to take care of his family. Your older age and you being a foreigner is not much of concern for them.
And of course these women believe in giving as much as in taking. In return for being taken care of, these women usually take really good care of their husband in terms of love, companionship, sex, and domestic chores.
As long as there is life, there is hope. And if you keep trying long and hard enough then you will find the happiness you need. Persistence in the mother of achievement.
2006-09-05 07:54:14 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
counseling may help, closure would be good, having the question "why" answered might help some, or hurt worse. So, do you see that her change in life attitude may have been a catylist for her leaving? Some times we find ourselfs so deep in a rut that we simply give up and let ourselves wallow in self pity, when we finally see a way out we realize that we have to get off of that broken road and get on a new one. It sounds like she did that, for better or worse, why not follow that lead and find your own new road. get help if you feel like you can't do it alone, and maybe down the line your new roads apart with merge into one lane togher or it will lead you to your own personal destiny
2006-09-05 07:25:51 · answer #5 · answered by Melissa B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are still drinking, STOP. Now get off your butt and get to work everyday no matter how bad you feel. Workout, even if its walking, every morning even when your crying. If you haven't filed for divorce do so. Immediately get all your money out of joint accounts and close all credit cards with her name on them. Remove her as beneficiary. If you own your house sell it. If you have joint ownership try to get her to quit claim to you so you can sell it. Move to a different community. Find female companionship through the local church not the local bar. Now get on with your life. Good luck.
2006-09-05 07:23:29 · answer #6 · answered by Rja 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Once, I felt like that. Just like you. Betrayed, lonely, helpless, my life was over and so and so....But...do you really want to have at your side some one who does not care about you? Believe me. It'll pass and pretty soon you'll find yourself silly by thinking like this. You will thank the Lord for taking her out of your life. I'm not saying it does not hurt. It does, but it will pass.Give yourself a chance . Get on with your life, don't do anything stupid. Your future may be very brilliant. The way you have to get back to her is making yourself success full and show her what she lost. I really hope you get over it. God bless you.
2006-09-05 07:29:22 · answer #7 · answered by cb56br 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well that kind of deep but u just need to stop thinking about the past and all the negative things that have happen to u and start to think about ur future and all the postive things that have happen i knw it easier said then done but just give it try or even try to ring her n work things out good luck
2006-09-05 07:33:12 · answer #8 · answered by lil miss sweetheart 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she was an alcoholic, there is a program for you---AL-Anon.
If she was a drinker, and stopped, this doesn't mean the situation is better for her spouse---it's often worse, and you need to understand what's going on. Call A.A. and find out when and where Al-Anon meetings are. They cost nothing, and the people there have the answers you need.
2006-09-05 07:21:45 · answer #9 · answered by papyrusbtl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Rob is right! Stop acting like a little girl. First off get mad. She started cheating on you several months ago when she stopped drinking. Somebody promised her a better life and not ONCE did she stop and think of you. Ever since then she has been making arrangements to ditch you. The time is here and now you are rid of the cheating worthless slut. Rejoice!
2006-09-05 07:23:55 · answer #10 · answered by Michael 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋