problems with mom?

Question

i have been on a vacation for 2 weeks,before my vacation i had no problem with my mom,(u see,my dad passed away 3 years ago and i live all alone with my mom who is 37 years older than i),as i was in vacation,my mom kept on calling me and telling me to come back cuz she fells lonely and misses me,she would call EVERY single day.i came back,i missed my friends i had been visiting,i never really like coming back home because i feel bad and lonely,on te very first day i came back my mom started to throw all these words at my head,she said i'm selfcentered,she said that i bug her she said that no one who truely knows me could ever really get along with me,i have no IDEA why she does that,i'm 21 years old,and it's been over a year that i think we've grown apart in many ways,she just doesn't know what privacy is and she doesn;t want to understand that i'm young and have different needs than those of a 58 year old!what to do?

i've thought of getting counseling,but she refuses to go,...i'd love to move out,but i can't,i can't finance myself and i am a medical student,the only way would be to transfer in another university in another school,but she says she won't support me anymore if i do that!

Answer 1

you should love your mom. you talk to her and tell her how you feel towards her, she will understand. When you became a mom, then you will understand her. But by then, coz you're still young, you won't understand why she's being like that. Maybe you don't give her that much love.

Answer 2

May be it can be possible that your mum feels lonely because she is not having anyone else in her life.you are the only single child you know you will enter into a new life when you'll get married. but what about your mum? Is your mum is having good relationship with her parents and siblings if not then this can also be the possible reason for her rude behavior. The best possible way is to sit and ask your mum why she creates fuss. Tell her that you do realize that she feels lonely but you can't live with her for rest of her life. One day she'll marry you, then, will she not feel lonely then?

She is a little bit insecure about you. She might be having a feeling that she will loose you one day like your dad. May be some incident related to your dads death. Or may be she feels that you may not engage your self into some bad habit for which she might be blamed for. That your mum is not a good mother.....

Only you can understand the situation in a better way.
So help your self.

Answer 3

hmm...sounds to me that she may be voicing things about herself, and throwing them Onto you. for example, SHE is acting like someone who if they truly knew her, no one truly gets along with her, she is acting self centered, she is acting like someone who would never get along with anyone....

what i've been learning thru experience lately is that many people actually "become" what they hate in others!! for example, i live w/ my mom AND aunt (it's a nightmare!) and they got in a fight.. my mom hates the way my aunt speaks in a condescending, rude tone. so what did my mom do? she spoke back to my aunt in a condescending, rude tone!! and then she complains to me how she hates how my aunt does that! we went for a walk, and i calmly asked her, if u hate it when auntie does it, why are you speaking the same way to her? and she felt really guilty later... anyways, long story short..it takes a lot to see ur own shortcomings, or someone else's, and actually do something Positive, Healthy, and *Productive*... that is they key. now, u cannot change your mother. but u can change how YOU act and react to situations. so, my advice to you would be to try to understand where ur mother is coming from..

she is lonely, probably very sad from ur dad's death. feels like she doesn't have many friends other than you. i understand this, because my mother is divorced since i was 5, and depended on me to become her surrogage "friend". now, she has FINALLY found some friends at church and is so much healthier in general, in a social setting, and is letting up on me a little.... but until then, ur mother is going to depend on YOU. it's not fair, but u have to understand that she is lonely. AND as ur mother, she should understand that she is suffocating you, especially as u are getting older and more social and developing ur own life.

im not sure how u can help her if she's not willing to listen. perhaps u can try sitting her down, and explaining that u LOVE her, and respect her, and want the best for her. so even when u are on vacation, etc, u are constantly thinking of her and don't want to neglect her. but u have to make time for ur friends too. and that doesn't always mean that you can sacrifice ur own life and friends in order to baby her. she needs to develop HER life as well!! she needs to get involved w/ friends, invite them over, go on trips, go on dates.... that way, she will stop living her life thru you..... maybe u can encourage her to do more active things? sign her up for some classes, or take some classes w/ her, and encourage her to meet people? i know that's definitely one of the only things that has gotten my mom to sort of understand how i feel about going out w/ friends, coming back late, etc. she NEVER understood before, when she just stayed at home and waited for me to come home. =T good luck.... sounds like a hard time for you all.

Answer 4

you really are being self centered i m sorry to say to say that but thats the truth u just want to move out just coz your mom need your love more now??? thats the reason??? just coz u want privecy and u want to b with ur friends??? just 2 njoy ur youthlife u just want to leve her alone. and her problem is just that she loves u very mucvh and she just want love from u. i think she is very stupid i m sorry for my words but i think she is bercause she wants the love of her child. and that child who doenst even want to look for the needs of her aging mom and shes just neglecting the needs of hr ageng mom. the childwho just want to b young forver.
whont u ever become a mother??
wont u get old??
wont u ever go at her place??wont u ever come in her shoe??
shes is foolish to ask for the love and closeness of her own daughter.
when her own daughter just dont want to gibe that love to her
she just want to b left alone with her friends
can u live your whole life without your loved ones
??
u r the loved one of your mother and thats her crime that she loves and u wantes your love
shes a criminal to ask for your love???
what is her right to ask for your love
now u r grown up
grown enough to b all by urself
grown up to just anjoy with friends
no njoyment can b taken with mom or dad. right??
no old people have the right to anjoy?? right??
who are they to ask for your love and closeness???
they just are some filthy old people........right??

and these are all your thinkings i m so soory buddy u r so sick
i think u sud b send to asyllum instead of all old people

they are old people
they need more love and caring
they just dont ask formuch
just your love and your some time is all that they need
y dont u call your friends and njoy together
or u can arrange a small elderly's party for them and call some elder people like prents of ur friends and u can have another party in same house some place nearby like on another floor or another place and u can njoy urself together with friends meanwhile elder people njoy themselves

all your mother require is closeness of u and ur love
give her some time

and i tell if somebody in yahoo answers also thinks like u thinking then he/she also sick and very big fools