It seems that every other question is some pissed off wife bitching about her husband not helping around the house or paying bills, or with kids, blah blah, etc etc asking if she should get a divorce, or some guy whining cause his wife going out with friends or whatever dumb shlt.
Did you no plan these things with your spouse BEFORE you got married??
Seriously, no wonder marriage has become such a ****** joke. I don't get you people.
Is it because people just want the "status" of being married and rush into it? Please explain because I guess I just don't get it.
2006-09-05 06:51:51 · 25 answers · asked by Lothario 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Rush into marriage? Where have you been?? Try reading the pages and pages of whines from girls who's 'boy friend' didn't pull out in time and now they're pregnant and moaning because they don't know what to do.
It seems social relationships everywhere are going down the tube.
2006-09-05 06:55:50 · answer #1 · answered by old lady 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'ts not that they don't "think". It's that problems arise regardless of if you are married, living together or just dating. When you live together and share each and every moment and everything in your life there are bound to be tensions and problems that are created from this tension. I agree that some people jump into marriage without thinking everything through, however I disagree that people that have some kind of problems in their marriage are ignorant/stupid or didn't think it through. No matter how much planning is involved you cannot plan out what will happen in your everyday life that could possibly cause tension/problems between the two of you. The thing that should be looked at is how the couple handles those problems...placing blame is what we tend to do, while it is something that should never be done.
So the problem is not the issues in the marriage itself, but the way that the couple handles the issues that may arise.
Let me tell you that I am not married, but I do live with my boyfriend and we do have problems...but we handle them, and move on.
2006-09-05 14:01:25 · answer #2 · answered by vdubbchick 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off, I am not married. I think marriage is "for life" no matter what. My religious upbringing teaches me that the only ground for divorce is infidelity. Everything else is to be sorted through.... "For better or for worse". Because in my faith we promise to "Forsake all others", when we do not, we are allowed to divorce the offending spouse.
It is my belief that most marriages do not work because traditional roles in society have shifted. There was a time when Man and his wife's role were clearly defined, and people lived within their roles. Men and women expected that marriage was "for life" and went through the peaks and valleys, no matter how hard or how easy, together, and for the sake of the family. Its not fair for people to say such things as, "well, you need to sort everything out before you get married"....IMPOSSIBLE! Can you REALLY know how you will feel if your spouse gets in a car accident and is paralyzed for life sitting in a wheelchair and you have to change their diapers? Can you REALLY know how the two of you will relate to one another if you lose a child to some sickness? Can you REALLY know what you would do if you lose everything and have to file bankrupsey???? Life can bring ANYTHING to your plate, you cannot PLAN for these things.....BUT, if the COMMITMENT to the Marriage is there, and both parties are TRULY together FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE, these unions will remain intact.....
....too many people today want to run away from life's problems, if you ask me...the grass is always greener....blah, blah, blah.........nonsense!
Good question, Lothario.
2006-09-05 14:19:29 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You can't possibly know everything about a person before you get married. Such is Life. You just have to work at things when life or a marriage get's tuff. Some people are better at solving those issues than others. I do feel bad for your future spouse, though. So little room for mistakes? Let me know when you've got it all figured out.
2006-09-05 16:07:26 · answer #4 · answered by ArbonneAdvertising 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah I have to admit (not married yet) that everyone was pressuring me but it was something that I really wanted to do. Now I am engaged and seeing the true colors of the inlaws, dealing with my fiance wanting to have kids, financial burden etc and I'm really coming around to the fact that marriage may not be the best idea. I think people get married sometimes because they think the grass is always greener kind of deal. Everything in this society now is all about married people etc. People make you feel like a lepor if your over 25 and not married. You are completly right I'm 28 and now have 3 divorced friends and a whole lot of thinking to do myself.
2006-09-05 14:09:21 · answer #5 · answered by Jersey Style 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lothario, I'm so proud of you! That's the closest I've ever seen you come to asking a (well, almost, sort of) real question! :)
People do think and don't always rush into marriage, but through the years life changes, people grow apart, circumstances change, etc. When you get married, you'd like to believe that you can handle anything that comes your way because you love each other. And for the most part, people can or at least they try to. But there are certain issues you just can't overcome with your spouse.
People ask for opinions because they're too close to the situation to view it objectively... and you want to make sure you make the best decision before doing something you can't change.
"I don't get you people"
We don't always get you either, hun ;)
2006-09-05 14:01:32 · answer #6 · answered by Avid 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
We see only the tip of the ice burg here...marriage in too many people's minds is no more than going steady until a better thing comes along. Too many people are marrying with no idea of what they are doing, who they are marrying, or what to expect. They have this foolish idea that everything is Hollywood and happily ever after. Girls think that bad boys are exciting , but too late learn that bad boys are terrible husbands. Girls think that love is displayed by controlling nature and jealousy, but find that control reduces them to non-entities. I think there is enough blame to pass around to all. Parents do not prepare children for life, yet expect teachers to do it all..ain't gonna happen. Insecure people place their futures in the hands of what are apparently strangers, considering the surprises they get after marriage. Until people open their eyes, take a realistic approach to love and marriage, I suspect we might all be better off returning to the "arranged marriages" of our Grandmother's and Great Grandmother's era...at least these people did stay together. I can understand divorce...sometimes it is the only way to find a life...but when 3/4 of marriages fail, we are doing something very wrong, and divorce really does screw up everyone's life for years and years. Good luck
2006-09-05 14:01:21 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No dear, I think most people were truly in love...or thought they were when they got married. I know a lot more now than I did before and I know I married the wrong person...but I was young and nieve. Wouldn't make that mistake again. The ones i don't get are the ones who go into a second marriage with now years of experience and still do it for the wrong reasons or with someone who they aren't capatible with.
2006-09-05 14:08:58 · answer #8 · answered by sasha 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, it makes sense that the people asking the questions are those that are unhappy -- they want advice and/or support. I haven't asked any questions yet because I have been rather happily married for 20 years and I'm planning on at least another 20 by doing more of what I've been doing. Just as "The squeaky wheel gets the grease," so too will you hear from people who are having problems, not from people who are happy. I'm afraid you're confusing the unhappy, but loud, minority with the relatively contented, but silent, majority.
2006-09-05 14:06:09 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Probably, it happens, 'cause the girls think if they got married a man will change, will carry them and help doing everything around the house, they will do everything together and so on, but reality is different. The man stays the same way, and it makes their wives unhappy. The same about men, they think if they marry they own a woman. I guess this is influence of movies and books where everything is beautiful after people get married.
2006-09-05 13:58:34 · answer #10 · answered by snowdrop 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋