Is it abuse?

Question

My husband and i always get it fights,but sometimes it turns physical. he has never slaped me or punched,but has hurt me by holding me down. When i tell him to let go of me b/c he's hurting me he says no. Even when i stay calm and say please, he wont. So i try pushing and kicking him away so i can get lose. All i want is to just walk away bc we have kids. last night we got into a fight he wouldn't let go of me so when he did i got angry and lost control and started to hit and puch him. after the fight was over i when into my bed room he then came in and i told him to get away from me he said what is wrong with you i didn't anything to you. i said i don't like when you put your hands on me and you wouldn't let me go he said "so you start to hit me" like i did something wrong. Am i over reacting? am i wrong?

Just to let everyone know he doesn't hold me down b/c i hit him he does it b/c i walk away from him and won't talk to him anymore. Last night was the first time i did any thing physical to him.

Answer 1

threaten 2 divorce him but not really mean 2.

Answer 2

By his reaction of "I didn't do anything" it seems to me like he's gotten use too the way yoy two have handled arguments. Look sit down together calmly and talk this over. Tell him that eventhough he doesn't "hit" you that he still hurts you. Try and seek marriage counseling. Sometime a relationship gets out of line and what isn't normally, over time, seems normal. You both have to redirect the way you handle disagreements. He wants to get his way by holding down, your not at a westling match, and you want to win hitting him, knowing he won't hit back, for the moment. It's not a boxing match either. Need advice on how to handle arguments and ways of venting anger other than each other.

Good luck - and do it fast before it gets farther out of hand. If he loves you, he will want to make a change for the best.

Answer 3

You seem to be in a very unhealthy relationship. Hitting, kicking, and so forth is all abuse. I don't agree that you should be held down by force either.
I hope this is not something your children witness as they are very impressionable and if they see this going on, they will begin to find it acceptable behavior.
I think some counseling is in order for both of you. It sounds like there are some unresolved issues that are creating an environment of hostility.
Good Luck

Answer 4

yes you are wrong, you both are. any time someone puts their hands on someone else against that persons will, is commiting abuse, but no you are not wrong for getting angry when he holds you down. You two need to actually sit down and talk when ever your kids aren't around. communication is the backbone to any relationship. talk about what you are fighting about, talk about why it makes you fight. see if you can talk without fighting, especially in front of the children. believe it or not, no matter what you are fighting about, a child will always think that they are the reason for you fighting, and it will mess them up. If you two must fight, take it where you can do it out of sight of your kids. May I suggest a pair of boxing gloves?... Ha. seriously, most fights are caused from miscommunication. Talk, Talk, Talk, its good for your souls. Good Luck

Answer 5

No, you are not overreacting.
Being held down in such a way that it causes physical pain, and then not being released when requested to do so...
constitutes a form of physical and emotional abuse.

You should try asking your husband what thrill he gets out of holding you down? It would seem he enjoys being able to physically intimidate you, without actually hitting you.

Regardless, it's still abuse, and you felt threatened, so you reacted in the way any normal person would...MALE or FEMALE.

Ask your husband how he would feel if you did that to him?

Answer 6

If I read this right,it sounds as if both of you are abusive.I know it is an unpopular concept but women can be just as abusive as men.Reading this it appears you have anger issues.The 2 of you need time out,learn to communicate without getting physical.It is time for the two of you to grow up.Learn to interact like adults,for the sake of your kids.Maybe a separation is in order,your kids deserve better from their parents,what you show them now they will carry into their adult lives.Also just a thought, What do you fight about?Are there other issues that need to be addressed?

Answer 7

OK, lets get get it straight: anytime ANYONE puts their hands on you uninvited, it's considered abuse in the eyes of the law. If you reported your husband, he would get arrested. Yes, what he's doing is abuse. The only thing you're doing "wrong" is not having enough self-respect to put a stop to it, by whatever means necessary. It's wrong to put up with this kind of stuff, for any reason.

Answer 8

ANYTIME a man uses his physical strength over you to contain/control, it is a form of abuse. You are his wife/equal for chrissake!! Not a disobedient pet. He needs to stop this behavior now before it leads to hitting (his excuse will be that you've hit him). Under NO circumstances should you allow him to act that way towards you.

Answer 9

Sounds like he is holding you down to avoid getting hit by you. Self defense I would say.

You have a temper problem and his way of dealing with it is holding you down. You hurt yourself when you try to get up he holds you down so he wont get hurt.

Something is wrong with you both here.

You both need temper management and I think you need it more the him.

Sorry if I pissed you off. Please don't hit me.

Answer 10

Yes it is abuse, and so is you hitting him. This is not a good and safe marriage for you or your kids. If you still love him get some help now!!!

Answer 11

If you let him get by with treating you that way once, it will only get worse. Walk away and let him get some help. If he doesn't get help, maybe divorce should be an option. Don't let him get by with so much as raising his vioce to you.