My last boyfriend from eight years ago has invited me to go on a business trip. He started sending me champagne and roses. Red ones, which I love. My husband is a boring workaholic who limps around on a broken ankle and is obsessed with yoga and Buddhism. I want to focus on painting and karate and my boyfriend told me I could keep my waitress job and live in his house if I wanted to. He got divorced and got a good lawyer and managed to keep most of his money. He has no kids. The problem is I have a son. We have tried marriage counselling. I have my own money from a trust fund. I would really like to keep my job and live in a nice house. He would be good for my son. I want to put him into private school and my husband disagrees. I am willing to share custody with AK and not ask for alimony, just child support. I want to leave him a note before I go this weekend. I have been packing up my painting supplies and designer clothes. My parents do not want me to move back in.
2006-09-05 06:22:32 · 29 answers · asked by Desert Sienna 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Your ex is an ex for a reason, sit down a think about this logically and thoroughly. Don't be fooled by the roses and champagne.
There could be an ulterior motive behind his actions.
Also think about and try to remember all the qualities that made you fall in love with your husband in the first place.
At least you have a husband that is willing to work and support his family. And if you walk out with another man what are you going to do if hubby files for full custody of the child?
And even if you decide to leave with the ex then don't you think that you at least owe your husband the courtesy of telling him fact to face? Writing a note is a very chicken **** way of doing things.
2006-09-05 13:07:36 · answer #1 · answered by ETxYellowRose 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Please hear me out and read this all! I think your actions are wrong and mean! So what if he has a broken ankle it won't be broke for ever! So what that he is a work aholic, you spend the money don't you? So what that he likes Buddhism and yoga - you like painting and waitressing - Your reasons for leaving your husband are not good ones and the grass is NOT greener on the other side! Is your husband the father of your child? How self centered are you and only think of yourself! Your son is settled and school just started!
A lot can change in 8 years and if he was the one for you why didn't you and he end up togehter in the first place? Why did you marry the man you married ? You have forgotten your reasons and need to remember them things could change for the better! I'm serious, answer these questions! Why did you and he break up all those years ago? There were resons and I hope you can remember them as well b/c these ones are equally important!
I think you are just caught up in a dream world and you are not looking or living in reality! So your X divorced his wife good, for him! He is wrong for persuing a married women and probably he will again. Why did his marriage not work out? You will also have those same problems.
Just b/c he got a divorce you should now too? You need to stop blaming your husband and take resposiblity for your own feelings and ask why you feel the way you do b/c you are board, well that's not the right answer or a good enough one. Nor is b/c your "husband works hard to support his family & to pay the bills", nor is it b/c "he is boaring" (b/c he sure doesn't sound like it to me)! Where is your respect and support if he's lucky you will leave him b/c no body needs the kind of wife you are being right now! Face the facts and take a realtiy check b/c you need one! Before you completely ruin everything for good. No wonder you've been to counseling and it hasn't worked b/c your heart isn't into it and never will be b/c you won't allow it to be! Good luck!
2006-09-05 13:48:47 · answer #2 · answered by sophia_of_light 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You should not leave your husband FOR anyone. If you separate and divorce, it should be because of the negatives in the marriage... not what you view as the "greener grass" somewhere else.
If the boyfriend was so great and the relationship was so wonderful, then why is he the "ex"? Just because he's (temporarily) decided that he wants you back doesn't mean it will work any better this time than it did before. Suppose he only wants to know if he can get you away from the guy you married after you guys broke up? For him to be wooing you while you are still actively married tells me that he has little regard or respect for marriage in general.
To pick up your son and move him directly from his home into either a van or some other man's home is not right. It's not a stable environment and keep in mind that while YOU may have been tossing about the idea of leaving your husband, this whole scenario is going to be new to your son. Not only are you not giving him any time to digest the change of situation, but there's no time for him to mourn the demise of his parents marriage either. This is not good for him. You're getting ready to completely change his life and shatter his security, all because his father works too much, fractured a bone and is boring? Maybe he's not boring. Maybe he's just stable.
It's good that you're not planning to ask for alimony because taking your child and deserting your husband with only a note wouldn't bode well for asking for him to pay alimony as well.
Clearly you've already made your decision. I think this seems like an exciting new adventure to you. It is not. It is desertion of your home and your husband and in some states, unless your husband is abusing you, it's not going to be a plus for you that you're taking his son off somewhere without his permission. You say you're "willing to share custody" but you're not willing to even TELL the man you're taking his child and leaving him?
I think you've watched a few too many soap operas and dramatic movies. Mature people do not fly off like this, with only a note and a trunk full of painting supplies and designer clothes (purchased by your workaholic husband, right?) I think you need to take a deep breath... stop viewing this as a romantic adventure... remember why you broke up with the boyfriend to begin with... recall why you married your husband... clear your head of everything except the merits of your own marriage before making such a rash decision... and consider what is TRULY best for your son, not what you WANT to BELIEVE is best for him.
Children don't just drop their parents the way husbands and wives drop one another. This is not just some guy you brought home. This is his FATHER. He's not going to be so quick to dump Dad for some other guy you used to date and he's likely to resent you for dumping his father and dragging him along for the ride. Perhaps he won't resent it until he's a few years older... but it will come. You can't just cut your husband out of your life and your son's. You made a baby together. You're related now by that child's blood and you need to work together to do what's best for your son. Hard to do that if you're running away from home like a bored teenager.
Just my two cents worth... and for your son's sake, I do wish you well.
2006-09-05 13:38:42 · answer #3 · answered by thegirlwholovedbrains 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In my opinion I think you need to sit down with your husband and tell him things are not right in your marriage and that you will give it a set amount of time before you end it to try to make things right . If by that time things still have not gotten better then do what you think is the right thing . Sometimes men need a kick in the butt before they get the real picture ....... and that may mean you have to tell him if this does not get better I am leaving by whatever time you think is a decent amount of time . Things won't get worked out in a month or two If he refuses to change some things try compromising . If he works too much and doesn't spend enough time with you and your son and that's the biggest issue then work on that first . If you are not sure about leaving with your ex then it's not over yet !!!!! I agree also think about why he is your ex and why it didn't work out in the first place !!!! As for the difference of opinion in the school issue ........ try home schooling if your don't want public schools . Religion........ go your own way , many marriages consist of 2 different religions . Hope this helps !!!
2006-09-05 13:36:14 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say you tried marriage counseling. Seriously....have both of you really sat down and discussed these issues with a counselor? What was the outcome of these meetings? My beef is that you both have a son that has to deal with whatever the outcome. I'll assume you would be a truly dedicated mom and make sure your son is in the best situation possible, or are you just going to drag him around to this so called "wonderful" new boyfriend, who has never had children, thus no experience whatsoever. Whatever you decide, it should be in the best interest of your son. He's #1.
2006-09-05 13:34:18 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have a trust fund why are you even considering living in a van. If your husband is so horrible for you, get an attorney sue for divorce and custody of your children. But don't do it because of the ex-boyfriend. Anyway the trust fund comment just blew my mind. Money gives you choices and opportunity.
2006-09-05 13:30:27 · answer #6 · answered by fire_side_2003 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen to yourself.
He is your ex-b/f...Why was he your ex-boyfriend in the first places?
This marriage is not only about you...you sound so selfish.
Your husband has a broken ankle and your not bothered to help him but to leave him for another man.
Your vows mean nothing to you or your husband.
You were never in love with your husband coz if you were u won't be thinking about leaving him.
Yes he could be a boring limp but Why marry him if your gonna leave him?!
How do you know your son wants to leave his dad?
Your not thinking straight at all...
If he is ur ex-b/f won't he just kick you out if he wanted to or if u piss him off.
Men like your ex-b/f come after women who are feeling insecure in there relationship or feel alone just to get advantage of you.
he ain't married to you, how are you sure if he ain't gonna leave you again?
Trust me this is trouble...i have friends who want through this and they end up living alone, when they try to get back with their husbands...should i say ex-husband again...he ignore her so bad she cried and she really felt alone and miserable.
I hate to see this happen to someone else it's best if you try at least to help ur husband and he will do the same and he won't regret getting married to u.
I'm sorry for being rude but trust me you are not gonna like where this goes at the end.
2006-09-05 13:48:22 · answer #7 · answered by *~`h!8@Q 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why did you break up with the old boyfriend?
Trading one set of problems for another is not always the best tact.
Perhaps you ought to divorce your current one first before jumping into something else.
If I were your parents I wouldn't want you coming to the house either. They'd wind up raising the kid.
Get an apartment, stay single and get your head on and out of your a&s.
2006-09-05 13:27:37 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like you shouldn't have gotten married in the first place. You need to talk with your husband and see how he feels about you. Just leaving a note is in such poor taste. If you are just looking for a way out, then just leave, but talk to him first, don't go moving in with your ex,,, why is he an ex?... did you forget about that. and if he is an ex because of domestic violence.... Lord don't even go there. You have to consider your son too. Quit thinking about yourself and think of all the good things that could come out of your marriage if you stepped forward to change the things that you don't like in it; good luck
2006-09-05 13:37:45 · answer #9 · answered by flwrgrl692001 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your mind is made up on this. I would at least tell your husband in person. Kinda cruel to leave a note that you are dumping him.
Remember the grass is always greener on the other side until you get there and there are just as many bare spots.
2006-09-05 13:35:55 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋