My husband's cousin (female, VERY married, has a kid...) has been making comments about how she thinks I'm sexy, sex dreams she's had about me, and has admitted to me that she had an extramarital affair with one other girl already. She hasn't said whether she's lesbian or bi, and i don't really care, but her comments seem to come out of nowhere. I love her and she's a great friend, but I'm very committed to my marriage and i love my husband, faults and all, and i'll be honest, i'm just not into girls. I've told her this and she laughed like it didn't matter and she keeps on making her comments, etc... How do I get her to back off without losing her as a friend or causing controversy in my husband's family?
2006-09-05 06:08:32 · 20 answers · asked by Vol_Fan 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Tell her that you're flattered by her fantasies, but they'll never become reality. You're just not attracted to women, so she'll have to find another woman, if that's what she needs. Just make it clear and to the point, so there's no ambiguity. Then, whenever she makes more comments, immediately cut her off and say, "We talked about this. Let it go." Eventually, she'll get the message that you're serious and steadfast.
2006-09-05 06:14:02 · answer #1 · answered by BeenThere69 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Your husband's "female" cousin tell you about sexy dreams about you and that she's had an affair with another girl already--and you don't know if she's a "lesbian or bi"? Duh!
That you aren't interested and she doesn't back off, that's the problem (and part of the reason I perk up when questions like this pop up in this forum).
What I recommend is having a very brief, eyeball-to-eyeball talk with her the next time she brings it up. Essentially saying, "I'm tired of this stuff. I'm not bi-sexual. I'm not lesbian. I'm not interested. I am going to talk with my husband on how to get the rest of the family to help me get you off my back if you don't stop pretty darned quick." She'll get the news or will when you take it to hubby to help you.
2006-09-05 13:37:50 · answer #2 · answered by Rabbit 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Its going to be hard any way you handle it.... She is not respecting your marriage.. Tell her your not or will never be interested in a extramarital affair with anyone, especially not a women..... Tell her you are her friend but, you don't agree with her having an extramarital affair and it hurt your feeling when she told you.... And now that she is saying things implying that she wants to have one with you is just painful for you.... Explain that you value your friendship with her but your worried about her.... marriage....... Kind of embarrass her for involving you in her infidelity..... Then she will back off period and maybe you can salvage the rest of your friendship...
2006-09-05 13:50:21 · answer #3 · answered by mylife 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I can understand where your husbands cousin is coming from. Not that I like family members. NO WAY. But I'm married, bisexual, and so totally into other women. My hubby is perfectly fine with it, and loves it. Her relationship is probably the same way. You need to have a sit down with her, and make it perfectly clear how you feel. Tell her that you love her to death, but as a COUSIN. Tell her that you are flattered that she has such strong feelings for you, but you don't even swing that way. Tell her your just not attracted to women sexually. If you make this perfectly clear to her and she keeps it up you should tell your husband about it. And ask her to stay away from you.
2006-09-05 13:48:31 · answer #4 · answered by Q~T 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Talk to husband. You have already tried to talk to her and it did not work. Just talk to the husband. As far as the friendship goes...if she truly cared, then she would lay off and forget about it. She obviously has no regard for you or your husbands feelings and how it could disrupt your lives and marriage. I would handle this as soon as possible. Are you maybe flattered by the gestures even though uninterested? Even though you may have no intent, not stopping it could prove to be dangerous. Good luck to all involved. I hope you have a peaceful resolve.
2006-09-05 13:22:16 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Confront her and let her know that coming on to you based on the fact that she is your husbands cousin AND you both are married women is out of line. Hopefully you haven't taken her strange comments out of context meaning that if you confront her about " having a thing for you" she might get really defensive thus causing problems between you , your husband and his fam.
2006-09-05 14:37:11 · answer #6 · answered by cuppycake♀ 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Don't flirt with disaster in your life.
Stay away from any sexual or romantic relationships in your life other than your Husband.
Tell hubby's Cousin to stay faithful to her husband and family.
Don't spend another minute thinking about this. This would be a disaster for everyone involved.
Why would you consider ruining your straight marriage and family.
This would be a sin against God and both families and extended families.
Go to confession and get your life and you r mind straight, before you hurt so many people.
2006-09-05 13:24:21 · answer #7 · answered by Deena 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Make sure you've STRESSED the fact that are very uncomfortable with her comments and what seem to be inappropriate proposals... Be serious about it too, so she realizes she's not being funny but rather pushing you away.
2006-09-05 13:50:07 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Doesn't sound like you can have both. Either tell your husband and let him deal it, which will cause problems, or continue to listen to her comments and remain silent.
2006-09-05 13:25:38 · answer #9 · answered by VeeateU 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Try to avoid her. You've made your moves to pushing her and she chose it her way. Tell your husband about it coz not telling him might tell a different story.
2006-09-06 00:00:43 · answer #10 · answered by pink_heart18 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋