Do we spend too much time praising our daughters for their beauty and not enough for their real virtues?

Question

I've realized that I have been bad about this and would like to be more thoughtful when it comes to my granddaughter. A neat appearance is important, of course, but I don't want my choice of words to encourage her to focus too much on physical beauty and not enough on building good character, being smart and reliable, and being happy with who she is.

Answer 1

I think it's important to build self confidence by telling your daughter she's beautiful!
Many girls today are wearing very revealing clothing, getting things pierced I'd never dream of, and experimenting more with boys (and girls) to fill a void of low self esteem.
I was brought up as a child (unfortunately) being told women needed to wear make-up to make themselves look better. That was always a subliminal message to me that I wasn't pretty enough the way I looked naturally.
We SHOULD tell our girls they're pretty, and at the same time we need to also praise them for the other things they do well, such as drawing, writing, sports, etc.
I, along with my husband, tell my daughter she's beautiful daily. And she knows that what we mean is how she radiates from within.

Answer 2

Physical beauty is something someone is born with--that's like praising someone for having two hands - they had nothing to do with it.. But to praise your granddaughter for a good appearance, as well as other things, is a good thing.

Personal appearance (such as cleanliness, neat appearance, looking like you care about yourself, not wearing rumpled clothing) gives the world the impression that one pays attention to detail and has enough self-esteem to care about their own well-being.

But round it out with praising her sense of humor, how kind she is, how nice she is to everyone...and most of all how very much you love her.

Aren't grandkids the absolutle greatest thing ever???

Answer 3

I think we do, I have a son and I wanted him to know he was loved, good looking, important, special, and I didn't spend enough time with morals and values and time teaching him the bible.

He is now 17, and he is a good kid but he might have a big ego and a little spoiled. I don't mean with material things either.

I never had much self esteem, so I might of gave alittle to much to my son. I have noticed that he watches his weight and thinks he is fat when he is a 11th grader and only weights 100 pounds.

Answer 4

I agree that praise for character should be first

but face it "Job's daughters were the most beautiful women in the land" female beauty is a blessing when in the right priority

Answer 5

Your words can definately be influencing, but your granddaughter also has to learn to be her own person. She has to listen to what other people's opinions are, and then she has to draw her own conclusions from that. Yes, you must let her know that her appearance is somewhat essential, focusing on the fact that she has to have respect for herself and her body, but let her know that no matter what her appearance is the most important thing is who she is as a person.

Answer 6

my parents never had me concentrate on my beauty. My mother told me what was important to know, to get along in the world, and although a woman's appearance counts for a lot, it doesn't count for everything. As a man, I think it's OK for you to tell her she is pretty, girls llok for that type of validation from men in their lives, but you could also follow up, in the same sentence, that she is smart and capable, and can do anything she wants in life.

Answer 7

I would never do this to my kids. I will make sure they are clean and dressed nice but I wouldn't focus too much on beauty. Being educated is more important, looks fade.

Answer 8

I believe our spiritual self is more important than our physical appearance. Beauty does not last forever nor should it be taken for granted, since illness could take it away at any time.

Answer 9

Yes, I think so. We (society) teach them that their beauty is the most important thing in the world. I, as a woman, hate to see little girls valued only by their beauty.

Answer 10

I think you just answered your own question, and I agree completely. If you're asking if people and society in general do that, then I think it's safe to say that unfortunately, they do, and to realize it you just have to look around with eyes of seeing. It seems to me you've realized it, hence the question. I don't think you really need answers from other people, since you already know it. Kudos to you.