hate my ex, hate myself, wish i could go back in time but i can't?

Question

I hate that I’m miserable over a guy and that someone I hate makes me hurt myself all the time.

my ex and i fought every few days - or at least every few days he'd break up with me and i'm get miserable and depressed and stay in my room and cut myself and drink. then a few days later he'd call and say he was sorry and we'd go right back to start again. he thought the cutting was cool - one of the things that attracted him to me.

so one day after a year i finally said i'd had it, i didn't want to get back together and i was so depressed for weeks and then i finally started to think he wasn't very good for me and i'd be better off without him. he said i'd ruined his life and he wanted me back. he called me every day for a month saying he missed me.
then one evening i finally met him and i got hopelessly drunk and he didn't and i let the stupidest thing happen – I slept with him. ive stayed away since then
i know its my fault not his. i just needed to write it. i hate myself so mu

Answer 1

Time for you to grow up.First of all hurting yourself is a stupid way to try to get attention.It is the only body you have,take care of it.second if he makes you miserable move on,life is too short to be unhappy.Before you know it years have gone by and you have no valid memories to look back on.Third if you hate yourself,how can anyone else love you?Happiness starts from within ,you need to take stock in yourself,everybody has flaws,were human ,but you are full of positives ,find them in yourself and others will soon see them.Fourth give up the booze,it makes you stupid.I agree with you that sleeping with him was your fault.You drank and set yourself up for such an occurance.He was just there to get layed and you obliged him,don't give yourself up so easily.Move on!Also seek help,you have some issues you need to deal with and a yahoo answer board is a start but some professional help would be better.Stop cutting yourself it will leave scars that will be embarrassing to explain later.And most of all grow up and move on to better things,stop taking his calls and get on with your life.It won't be easy,life never is but it will be worth it when you find the right guy for you.

Answer 2

Don't hate yourself. He was using you. I had a boyfriend like him ones. When he'd come to school he want me. When he'd go home for the week-end and the summer he'd want to break up. Until it came time for his birthday in July then he'd want to get back together just long enought to make it through his b-day. Then he'd be gone again. And if he didn't break up he'd run around on me, even when we were engaged. Some guys get their kicks from hurting girls and when they see that they can they just keep doing it. That's what he is doing and will keep doing as long as you let him. I finally seen that and when he came back to me the last time (when he was engaged to someone else but I didn't know it at the time) and tried to get me to go with him again and I refused he finally seen that he couldn't hurt me anymore and that's what you're gonna have to show this guy. That he's not gonna get by with hurting you over and over and over again. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. Do NOT take it out on yourself. That's what he wants. He doesn't think the cutting is cool because of the cutting itself. He thinks that it is cool because he has control over you in that way. Don't let him do that. PLEASE! ! ! And yes it is your fault but it is ALSO his fault. Not just yours. He knew what he was doing. Don't let him fool you. Please, continue to stay away from this guy for your own good. I don't know you or him but I DO know the situation and I'm telling you that if you don't stay out of this situation you could be really, really hurt, or worse. I am so glad you wrote. I hope I've been able to help. I feel for you because I have been there and I will be praying for you. Please take care of yourself and please, for your sake, stay away from this guy.

Answer 3

=T.... that sucks. don't hate urself, #1. it's just not gonna do u any good. and obviously u are taking the first step in realizing that this guy is not good for you..!! the reason i know that also, is because: u are not Healthy, Happy, Positive, or BETTER w/ this guy.

someone who makes you Want to be better, happier, positive...that is someone worth looking for. and someone who You make want to be a better person.

now, this is different than someone who gets with you to change You, or u get with him to change Him. Nope. you need someone who makes YOU feel like YOU want to become better, and someone who feels like becoming a better person Because he has you. hope that makes sense. that is the ONLY way you will be able to Appreciate and Grow with eachother.

now, i am in a pretty damn good relationship right now. *but* it is FAR from perfect.. in fact i'm coming off of a bad month where we have an Awesome time, and at the end of the night he'll ruin it w/ One stupid comment (for example, "you're Heavy"...or "when you lose 20 lbs)....!!!! and i have to frickin explain to him that any girl, not just me, does not want to hear she is "heavy". and he goes "oooohhhhh..... oops. sorry". =T

anyways, long story short...the fact that he apologizes and *tries* to learn to change, is the first step....in a long process, especially because he's kind of a negative person, and i'm a very positive one. and he says that i make him want to change, and that he doesn't want to stay a negative person. he Wants to be happy, and make me happy.. just as i want to do the same for him.

ok this is a long message...long story short, i just want to encourage you to take some time out for Yourself. work on YOU, make sure u are Whole, Strong, a Wonderful person that u can be produ of on ur own two feet. that way, when u meet someone good enough for you, u will KNOW inside and out that you are Worth the best, to be treated the best...*because* u have taken the time out to make sure that YOU do the same for him. that is the ONLY reason why my boyfriend respects me, because he can't complain about anything that i've done to him. i always try to take care of him, and he knows it..and therefore, when i am unhappy with how he acts, he can't pin the blame on me, because i try so damn hard to be the best girlfriend i can be for him. and i deserve the same..and if he doens't change, i'm going to move on and find someone who IS the best. i hope that helps u to understand how Important it is to make sure you LOVE yourself..so that other people will be able to see what a wonderful person u really are, and you will allow a Positive, Healthy love to happen to you. good luck~~

Answer 4

Being angry with yourself for falling back into a relationship that it damaging is the first step to helping yourself to heal. You know that this relationship is dangerous, and you know that drinking and self-mutilation is not healthy.
Find help. You are not the first, nor will you be the last to find yourself in this situation. There are a number of organizations out there to help you. Don't blame yourself, don't cut yourself, and don't hate yourself. Find a professional to talk to. You're a strong person for discussing this. Best of luck.

Answer 5

Depression can be a seriosu problem. There are effective medications taht can help. You will need to see a Dr. It will take time sometimes weeks for the meds to help but there is a ray of hope. Go for it and do not procrastiante any longer. I delayed many years myself not believing meds could help. I was wrong.

Answer 6

Most people that break up with an ex don't remain friends and dislike them afterwards. If he liked you hurting yourself then he didn't like you that much. No guy is worth hurting yourself over by cutting or drinking. Get some help soon.

Answer 7

Sounds like you just need a change for the better, concerning a guy-relationship.
You're obvioulsy doing things to yourself that you'd really like to do to him when he hurts you... & he isn't worth it... no-one is worth you hurting yourself over.
You've got good qualities about you... everyone does.
You're special, unique... & should be treated with respect... & you should treat yourself good, too.
He's being selfish... he doesn't care about you... if he did, he wouldn't get a thrill out of you being hurt, whether it's him doing it or you doing it.
You don't really hate yourself, you just hate what you're doing & you hate what he's doing.
You're not stupid... just being human & making a mistake by trusting/believing he cares.

Answer 8

I am noy saying this to be mean but you need to get help now!!!!
cutting is a major issue so is depression. You also need to ask yourself the question if you ruined his life why is he trying to get back with you. You are better off without him

Answer 9

If you hate yourself then the enemy (satan) is getting exactly what he wants......you are the only one that can change this situation....you must know that you are a worthy person and that you are worthy of love, someone to be cherished so treat yourself as so, you are a miraculous creation and be grateful for your precious life,....treat everyone in your life as so and your reality will begin to mirror the same.....it starts with you.....you could also ask Jesus to heal your heart and ask him to help you to forgive everyone who has hurt you, prayer and positive visualization instead of drinking and searching for the love that already exist in your heart (you will find that it is there just open it)
It helps also to protect yourself from negative and manipulating people.
good luck my friend and God bless

Answer 10

hey **** happens...you gotta get over this guy....he is a no good pos! Try to get your mind off it go out with friends meet new people do anything and forget about him!!..and not its not your fault....so stop blaming your self!!! Ive been there ok trust me when i say its not your fault and its going to take you a while but you will finally realize its not your fault!!!