In my last relationship, I had already addressed this issue with my mother, who believed that there was nothing wrong with her referring to herself as my boyfriend's "future mother in law" or to him as her "future son in law".
It's not appropriate, to say the least, it's annoying, intrusive, & the way she does it is positively in the most abrasive fashion, as though she's jealous of time I spend with someone (umm.. I'm 29!!).
But now, I'm with someone else & I just found out that she's still doing it- she's calling HIM instead of me to leave him messages, wondering why we haven't had kids yet, etc.. Needless to say, he hates her, wants nothing to do with her & I'm in the middle.
I called her yesterday and calmly told her again to stop the references once & for all, and all she said was, "Have a nice life, then. Get the rest of your stuff!" She basically disowned me.
I was relieved (lots of baggage, she is!), & I believe she's out of my life, for 2 weeks until she calls.. thoughts?
2006-09-05 05:01:59 · 11 answers · asked by cleopatra 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
At the beginning of the relationship, *he* gave her his number before I knew it. Also, I thought that my mother and I had had an "understanding".. obviously not.
I feel sorry for her, because she is delusional (about everything in her life) & I believe that she has non-diagnosed bi-polar disorder.. a kind of "I hate you don't leave me" ideology.
But she has never been much of a mother to me (I was *her* mother until I reached my teens and got sick of it), & if I had to choose between dealing with her mental illness & myself finally having a nice life (away from her control issues), I would definitely choose to stay away.
I just wish I didn't have to.
2006-09-05 05:12:13 · update #1
No.. sadly.. this isn't a case for her supposed "sense of humour." I'm more inclined to go with most of the other posters ans say that this is a "boundary" issue.
2006-09-05 05:14:19 · update #2
Everyone here keeps saying I need to talk to her, but that's the whole issue. I already have- calmly. Her response was basically that if she couldn't intrude upon my life, then to get the **** out of hers.. (I'm not in hers.. I'm only there as a sounding board to listen to all of her woes!).
2006-09-05 05:19:15 · update #3
Your mother has issues. Her behavior is not appropriate.
Just how is she getting the names and phone numbers of your boyfriends? If you stop telling her, she can't call them.
2006-09-05 05:05:31 · answer #1 · answered by BoomChikkaBoom 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I totally understand! Some mom's just won't let their children grow up. I know you've tried this over and over again, but you have to tell her that you want to talk "woman to woman" then calmly tell her how you're feeling. Just not in a rude way. Maybe you saying "woman to woman" then she'll be slightly reminded that you are an adult and listen to what you have to say. You should make it a lunch date or something. REMEMBER not to lose your cool. If it doesn't work you may have to just ignore her when she acts like that. My mom is in and out of my life all the time. I'm married with 3 kids and she ALWAYS oversteps her boundaries. I just don't call or talk to her until she's calls me until she pisses me off again then I ignore her calls for a while. She knows she's wrong and changes for a long while.
Good Luck!
2006-09-05 05:15:11 · answer #2 · answered by ******* 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some people don't understand boundaries. Sadly it seems like your mother is one such person. I would let her sulk for a while, she will come around. She needs to understand that you are a grown woman and that she has no right to sabotage your relationships. Perhaps she is jealous of your youth and wants you to be single and unhappy so she can comfort you. Who knows. Just make sure she understands that calling your boyfriend is unacceptable (she should NEVER be allowed his cell number) and this future mother in law crap has to stop.
2006-09-05 05:10:41 · answer #3 · answered by ZCT 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your mother's behavior is NOT normal - but she should know that.
If she ever wants you to get married she needs to cut this out because it's a sure way to chase guys away.
Question for you though - do you see much of your mom or bring your committed boyfriends around to meet her? I ask because it could just be a desire of hers to be more connected to you. If that is the case you might better get her to change her behavior by giving her a little more of your time.
2006-09-05 05:08:26 · answer #4 · answered by BettyBoop 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thats no longer what it potential. It talks about toddler goat in his mama goat milk. you're recommendations twisted devil slaves who twist Gods note right into a shaggy dog tale. the picture of for Eve, that snake crawled to her and stated "Did God surely say, 'You shall no longer eat of any tree interior the backyard'?" you're merely as evil twisting Gods words round like that.
2016-10-15 23:06:32 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you have done all you can. If this is not your final relationship, warn the next one in advance of her phone calls. I hate to say this, but it sounds as if you need Dr Phil. He will straighten this out if you can get on the show. Also, why would your mother have his phone number ? Next time, don't give her the access.
2006-09-05 05:05:46 · answer #6 · answered by jboatright57 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
sounds like she is very pushy towards you & your boyfriend & she's wrong for being that way. when my husband & i met almost 14yrs ago the first thing that came out of his stepmother's mouth was it would be nice to be a grandmother & when we told her that wasn't going to happen she had a head fit so i know what your going through just ignore her hon & ask your boyfriend to have his cell number changed so he doesn't have to hear from her.your boyfriend sure in heck shouldn't have to be bothered by her & i wish you both luck.
2006-09-05 05:14:00 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like mom has a sense of humor about the whole issue.
Perhaps your being too serious about it too?
There will always be people like that that make us think.
2006-09-05 05:09:43 · answer #8 · answered by snorkelman_37 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand where you are coming from - but maybe she just wants to see you happy. Your boyfriend isn't too nice tho. He should respect that it is your mother - good or bad. Try to reconsider, you only have one mother. Good luck.
2006-09-05 05:09:10 · answer #9 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Tell her exactly how you feel, but please try very hard to resolve this. Your mom wont be around forever. My mom died in 01 and she and I were best friends. I hate hearing about mom's and kids not getting along. Its so sad.
2006-09-05 05:05:13 · answer #10 · answered by Angel Eve 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋