Stepmoms, how do you combat the "wicked stepmother" image?

Question

Do you worry that your new husbands kids won't like you? Do images of Snow White and Cinderella haunt your thinking? What do you do about it? Share your experiences and your thoughts on fighting the wicked stepmother image.

Answer 1

No because i sat them down before we got married and told them i was not trying to take their moms place and just wanted to make their father happy and be their friend.We all shared past photos of our mates and all had a good cry over how much we missed them we both lost our spouses to death.

Answer 2

My stepdaughters don't want to like me. They don't really want me to exist. They will forever wish their parents together. If they do like me it will be disloyal to their mother. Yes, they try to be nice and I have to accept that is enough. I've been a step mom to the two girls for 7 years. They were 12 and 14 and now 18 and 21. It doesn't seem to get any easier. Even though I have bent over backwards to help them out in so many situations that their mom doesn't have the patients for, and I still do. I'm still treated as the maid. I was told several years ago that, it doesn't do any good to try, as it will never be respected. I'm beginning to understand that. Just be nice and let your husband handle all. You'll be less stressed and happier in the long haul. Even to most fathers, the step-mom is not the mom. Makes me wonder who ever came up with the title "step-mom".

Answer 3

My stepkids really loved me before we got married, and even after we had a great relationship, BUT when it came to disiplining them, when it was something they really wanted to do, and I wouldnt let them, thats when **** would hit the fan. We had some rough times, but mostly good memories. They are grown and moved out now, but they both treat me very well, and always say I LOVE YOU before we hang up the phone. My stepdaughter always called me Mom, but the older one, my stepson never did. It was hard to raise two kids that were 9 and 13 when I got them, and their mother had them so screwed up, but in the end, it all worked out. We're close now. They know I did more for them than their own mother ever did.

Answer 4

I've been in my step son's life for about 3 years now....my husband and I have been married for 3 months. My stepson doesn't look at me as wicked....we have fun when we're together and he knows he's not to disrespect me. (Laid that law down early on, but not 'wickedly'.) I never did anything to fight off that image...I just never gave him that impression of me.

Answer 5

that's a movie... in real life.. just be yourself.. and accept the fact that your other half has a child.. and things will go well.. I am a stepmom.. and now that my husband and I are separated.. my stepson actually wants to come and live with me... can't be that wicked right ?!!!

Answer 6

You don't and never will! No amount of talking or reasoning helps, you can't buy them, you can't show them too much love or love them enough! No matter what you do it will never be good enough!They won't like you, you'll have your ups and downs but some day they'll get to a certain age and all will be well.... Do nothing time holds the key!

Answer 7

I don't combat it at all. I embrace it. I love being the strict parent. My husband is way too nice to be strict.

Answer 8

i love my 9 yr old step daughter. she'll always be my first baby girl. i met her 5 yrs ago.at first i had brived her attention, played with her, we have girl to girl talk, help w/ her homeworks, and buy girly stuffs for her. i have a son same age as her, then a boy & a girl of our (my husband) own now who's age 2.5 and 1.5 mos.
my step-d used 2 come very other w/end & we try 2 do something when she's here. we throw her a birthday party,( i do everything mostly) and buy stuffs for her equally.of course weay child support. but the mom always make plans for her on her time with us even from the beginning.. she either has a party to go to or visit some of their relatives or whatever and so on.then she started coming less and less because we decided since she always rather go somewhere w/ her mom and acts like we are not her relatives but only when birthdays and christmas comes then she can just COME WHENEVER SHE WANTS TO. she acts like she's getting brain wash at her mom's which is obvious. so now we see like once a month if we're lucky or sometimes once in 3 months. she hates me i can tell and she's a two face. which i don't hate her for that bec she can't help the way she's being raised at home. but i told her mom since she lied about me beatting on her, she can just forget those nice things she gets from me. i ain't kissing her behind or bribe her or beg her to come here anymore, which i had to do even in the beginning to make my husband happy (he's a truck driver so he sometimes only home on the w/end) but the way she acts and cry for her mom the whole time, just makes our w/end misserable that is if whe're too tired to do anything from working hard all week or just don't have money to go do something.
so really, i've tried to be nice and treated her more than i treat my son because i'm strict with him.i tried to avoid that situation where i'm gonna end up to be the witchy step mom because i had one. nothing i did worked.so, i thought she can think of me what she wants, i care less anymore because i have my hands full and don't have time to worry about what her and her mom thinks of me. as long as i know my husband loves me and our children ( including her ) that's all that matters to me.
but i know now whatever they we're having problems with her, i should've left it alone. either way, you treat them nice or opposite, they're going to think what they want about you. you can't control it. that is if the step child is a spoiled brat like mine. but you know if you are treating this child with love, time will come and make her see who the evil mom is. just don't be her enemy, be her friend when she comes to you.


for short, i think what my point is just like what sophia of light said

Answer 9

definite!!! final friday, I had a woman that became purely a touch of obese by 230 or so pounds and she or he became bent over along with her pants falling down round her at the back of, That photograph is transfixed and burnt onto my retinas!! Sandy :O)

Answer 10

Forget about that. Be fair, just and kind. If they are disrespectful to you, give it to them without hesitation. don't be two faced.