I have a gay friend who asked me to set him up with a date. Not with a particular person, just a general date. "I trust you, Elphie, you know me well." Well, he's a "bottom" looking for a "top". Does a top have certain personality traits? I've known a lot of gay men who were sort of tough and surprised me by claiming to be bottom. I find it kinda rude to just flat out ask an acquaintance if he's a top. That sort of sounds like I'm trying to make an equation without thinking of the personalities. How do you feel if someone asks you if you're a top or bottom? How do you find a "top"? I want to make my friend's first blind date to be pleasant and have room to grow into a relationship.
2006-09-05 04:12:15 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Sorry as a gay man I still don't know how to tell a top from a bottom. Someone who is butch is not always a top, and femmes are not always bottoms. One thing I have found. If the guy is out there shaking his butt really well on the dance floor, good indication he is a bottom. I also can say that typically if they are in a gay country bar, the leads are tops, the followers are bottoms. However there is no one certain way of finding out if they are top or bottom except by asking. Along that line, most gay men are very use to being asked this question. If you approach this politely you should have little problem getting a polite answer.
On a different note, your friend should be out there trying to find love. If he met a wonderful man and he was also a bottom would he stop seeing him? I think you should ask your friend that question. Love is abotu a lot more than sex. You should be allowed to find your friend someone nice, regardless of thier position preference. If they hit it off, let them figure out what happens in the bedroom.
2006-09-05 07:37:15 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Frankly, he should look for his own top-dog, not you. Last night I had a grown man try to connect me with his friend. I thought to myself, why isn't the friend stepping up to the plate? By you playing love connection on this level; will demolish your gay friend's credibility. Granted, if you were at a function with your gay friend and someone guy came by you then could play Cupid. However; outside of that scope; don't do it!
Generally speaking; just in case you're not going to accept my advice; most tops are more aggressive than bottoms, and tend to have a higher level of confidence. Nonetheless, one rarely knows whose what until it is spoken. Good luck speaking to an adult about his sexual desires; when you aren't in the mix.
2006-09-05 06:15:32 · answer #2 · answered by Swordfish 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps when asking the person it would be a tad more convienient to mention that he(the guy you are setting up) is a bottom rather than asking if the other is a top, that way the guy can turn you down if he isn't interested without having to say anything that might make him uncomfortable(or you for that matter).
2006-09-05 04:57:51 · answer #3 · answered by IndyT- For Da Ben Dan 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would just spend some time practicing asking the question like it is no big deal. It is not what you say but how you say it. Just nonchalantly say you are looking for a top man for your friend who is a bottom. Act like it is no big deal. If you act like it does not matter, then the guys won't be shy about it in front of you.
Grill them just a little to be sure. Their are some unscrupulous oral guys who will say anything to get put on a date and then all they will want to do is suck off your friend who has been expecting a top. I'm not kidding!
2006-09-05 04:46:11 · answer #4 · answered by Think.for.your.self 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It is flat out rude for you to ask someone if they're a top. I don't think that you can tell just to look at someone what position they occupy....You might be able to slip into the conversation that your friend is a bottom..that might not be so bad...but lotsa men are very versatile.....
2006-09-05 17:30:00 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would let HIM figure it out himself. That's not your responsibility as you're already doing him a favor by finding him a date to begin with.
And no, there are no personality traits for a top. I have met several bottoms who were very very masculine and also tops who were very feminine... You just have to ask (your friend, I mean).
2006-09-05 04:45:38 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I know I'm bi so I shouldn't answer LOL But I can't help myself. If he was my friend I ask him what he was looking for, like ask him if he wants someone to take the lead on the date or does he want to be the one to make the arrangements and take the check.. OK if I'm wrong with this just yell at me I'm used to the hate email now LOL.
:)
2006-09-05 04:58:51 · answer #7 · answered by Super 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would find out if this certain person is dominant (plays the role of a husband.) I would just have your friend meet the person and he could ask himself. You don't have to play the match-maker, all though it is fun occasionally. Anyways, let your friend warm up to the person for a while and he will find out if he is compatible!
2006-09-05 04:20:45 · answer #8 · answered by justincausejustintime 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Tell him to get his own date, and not expect a woman to find a gay man for him. That is a really weird thing to ask of you.
2006-09-05 06:47:34 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would not be offended if you were setting me up on a date. It's important to know soboth guys will have a good time
2006-09-05 04:52:40 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋